AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

This is the perfect reply.

Im utterly fucked off for you OP - this has happened to me... Not just the latter help but when ive been leading on projects and mentoring the 'help'!

That is outrageous, I would definitely take it up with Steve. So as not to drop the person who forwarded it to you in it, I’d word your discovery along the lines of “having been made aware of the email…and of your surprise and concern at not having received the same recognition, given you led the project”.

I’d then sit in the silence while Steve tries to make his feeble excuses. When he’s finished I’d ask for bonus recognition/paid overtime/whatever the going reward is at your workplace, then I’d not be working like that for Steve again. The next chance Steve gets, he will be looking to promote Paul over you, so I’d also be keeping a close eye on what the job market is like in your field.

I'd play ignorant to the email and send your own email to the whole team and senior management thanking everyone on their efforts to bring this project to a successful conclusion. Thank everyone for the hours they put in etc. Then finish by saying you welcome Paul to the team and hope he enjoyed this 'learning experience'.

I don't think you would look silly. Someone in senior management sent you that email for a reason and you should be able to raise it.

What Steve did was completely unfair and undermining. If this is the shape of things to come where you do all the work and Paul gets all the praise, you need to start thinking about moving on.

My DH has had similar happening to him over the last couple of years, leading projects, making up all the slides etc for someone else to take the credit. He feels his face doesnt fit, he has the opposite issue being a man in a young female heavy team, women at different seniority levels meeting outside of work, getting chummy then of course wanting to make sure their mates are sat in the limelight.

He like you has heard/seen things which he kept quiet about as he didn’t want to get the person who told him in trouble, but it’s now started to impact his MH, so he’s had to escalate it as it’s all just so shit!

I’d say look Steve I just want you to be aware that senior leadership are questioning why you’ve praised Paul and not me when I’ve led and delivered the project while onboarding Paul and you’ve conspicuously not included me. It has been noticed and not in a good way for you. You might want to reflect on how this is going to play out in the longer term for everyone involved.

100% this. Women don't get on as well as men as they have a greater tendency to be agreeable. You don't need to reveal your source - just making him aware thst one of the seniors has gone behind his back and isn't impressed is enough.
And if it continues start looking for promotion elsewhere.

Steve is positioning a Paul for a promotion.

It's not about face fitting it's because the OP doesn't have a penis. Are you saying she should be like a good little woman just say nothing and let the men get all the credit?

I would raise this with Steve and throw in the words ‘gender discrimination’ to make him reflect on what he’s done. Why is a man being praised for work a woman has done?!

But you say you WERE publicly thanked, in the meeting?

By working over and above 12 hour days you have set a preceden assume from your wording you meant you went over and above working extra without pay. Why people do this is beyond me you are dismissing your own worth and employers will see this. People and managers are allowed to socialise outside work. If you don’t feel like your contribution hss been properly recognised raise it but make sure it doesn’t come across as spiteful regarding Paul. You were thanked in a meeting.

Paul will be promoted. Either they knew each other before, or he’s pursued your boss and his flattery and brazen arse lucking will ensure it. Your boss is an ego driven imbecile. Find a new job.

Perhaps Paul got as much done 9-5 as you did 8 to 8?

We don't know. However the person who forwarded the email to you is a shit stirring mollusc and as unprofessional as people get.

Personally I'd forward the email to Steve and say "I am pleased that a new member of the team is receiving recognition for their efforts. Might we arrange a 1:1 for feedback about my contributions to the project?".

I'll bet Paul is better at managing up than you. He's doing 9-5 in his first month on a project that is so busy the lead is doing 12 hour days? He know what he's doing. You could take a leaf out of his book.

But yes absolutely query with Steve and ask him to correct the record.

And why hasn't the senior manager corrected Steve by replying all on the email?

I would ask the senior manager who forwarded the email to you to raise this question with Steve. He has the seniority to do it in a way that will make a difference, whereas if you do it it looks like sour grapes. I am very annoyed for you.

I would take this up with Steve's manager. Call out the unfairness and it will also show up Steve's bias and hopefully hinder any future attempts of his to favour Paul over you.

But id also job hunt, this won't end well whatever you do.

Exactly this. It really infuriates me that women are so afraid to (politely) challenge this sort of behaviour in the workplace. Being assertive is not a crime.

Happened at my work too, almost. We all worked insanely hard during a difficult period. There was one guy who really got along with the senior management men. One senior guy suggested buying the lad a bottle of something to thank him for his hard work. My boss (a woman) challenged this saying 'we've all worked our arses off'. People just see what they want to see, it is annoying.

Don’t stay in a workplace where your manager clearly doesn’t value you and your contributions. How long before Steve has Paul supervising you?

@AbbotSade1985

Your senior colleague asked you for an explanation why Paul received special thanks/advertising.

Have you responded? What with?

Sounds like the senior is fact finding before committing to calling it out.

Struggling to underhand this, a senior manager forwarded it to you, acting all confused and asking why Paul was being thanked? That’s a very junior thing to do.

Oof, this would annoy me so much, OP. I definitely wouldn't be able to leave it. I'd either follow @Fluffyholeysocks suggestion, which is a good one, or as a few pps have suggested, if you have an ally in senior management who was on the original email, I'd have a word with them and asking them to do a reply all to acknowledge your leadership and support to Paul. Ideally also ccing you in so you have the email "legitimately"!

Why cant you say someone forwarded the email because they were shocked snd confused and then ask him for an explanation

pause

then tell him why it was unacceptable