AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

Agree - definitely do not do this!

Don’t send anything over the weekend

Do speak to him. You have to be political here.

Steve knows he’s behaved improperly. And he knows you know. Not unfortunately you need to give him an out.

Going on the attack will get his back up and it’s very very unusual to win a fight with your boss. It’s annoying but true.

I would suggest something along following lines:

“I really value your leadership and willingness to advocate for the team with the executives. I wanted to understand what drove the decision to highlight Paul’s work, as it would be helpful for me and the team in terms of where them and I focus and how we can have similar impact.”

You’ll have to grit your teeth and smile through the bullshit, but it will likely be the most productive way forward.

Exactly. What the hell is secretly forwarding it to going to do, except piss you off?

The senior manager did reply all and told the team that I led the project. Steve then went on to say that he was grateful for everyone's input and the senior manager then sent the replies to me (sorry, I thought I'd already said this in previous posts). She then looked over my response to Steve and edited a little before I sent it. It listed all my contributions to the project and how Steve could work with me to make the hard working teams feel more valued.

Steve's reply yesterday evening didn't even acknowledge these points. He simply replied and said he wanted senior management to be aware that Paul had to step into the role last minute and led his area well.

But there are two issues here.

The mention of leadership in the original email was very general and anyone higher up would have read this as Paul led the entire project.

The other issue is there was no follow up thanking me for my leadership.

So as it stands, to management it looks like Paul swooped in and saved the day. In reality, Paul came in, I trained him, felt sorry and did some of his work whilst doing my own. Steve was in all the meetings and correspondence for the last 18 months. He clearly knows the effort and leadership I showed. He just didn't want to formally thank me for it in front of leadership. And Paul's reply to the original email didn't acknowledge what I had done. Instead, he lapped up the praise, said how marvellous it had been to work with Steve and not a mention about how I'd helped him.

I know that if I'd spoken to Steve last night, he'd have told me how he valued my effort, leadership etc etc. But it's not the same and senior management won't ever really know the part I played. I am so far removed from senior management that emailing them with my efforts would just piss off Steve.

Steve is quite high up anyway, so I feel his reply has drawn a line under the matter for him.

Do not reply to him today but wait until Monday morning.

id reply suggesting that instead of singling one person out he should have recognised the full team, thanking them for all their work as singling one person out just demotivates and irks others who will have worked throughout the full project.

id also suggest to him that by singling the newbie who he goes drinking with isn’t very professional! However speak to your senior manager who helped you the last time.

i do feel senior management could have handled this better.

I feel your pain. My original suggestion was to organise a face to face with him and say that a senior manager forwarded it to you saying it looked to that senior level like Paul had stepped in and led the project. And ask him what he was going to do to remedy it.

But I see from your latest post that wouldn't have worked either as he'd just have 'reassured' you in person. Ugh I worked for years with Steve's and thank fook im retired now.

If hes now acting as if its closed and you still feel angry I would speak again to the manager who had your back and ask what he/she advises.

The woman (let’s call her Emma) who forwarded you the message has the measure of Steve. She wanted to be sure you also had the measure of him.

If Emma’s worth her salt (and the fact that she made the disclosure suggests she probably is) she’ll be manoeuvring appropriately in the background.

Being told by a peer that someone more junior has behaved improperly ca be quite powerful.

OP said Paul was drafted in to replace someone who left.

If you email anyone this weekend, I would only make it a wtf do I do now message to the senior manager who has your back. None of us knows the culture of your workplace, and you are being given opinions on what you should do next that are very contradictory, some of which could be quite damaging.

Steve seems like a really slippery character, and clearly does not like having been pulled up for his message. The way he has replied offers you insight to how he will behave working forward.

Yes, Steve's reply didn't even acknowledge my input. He was simply stating that because Paul had stepped in and got up to speed so quickly, he deserved a thank you in front of senior leaders.

The industry is mainly male dominated, but there's been a huge shift within HR to ensure these kinds of issues don't arise. DEI is taken seriously and women's voices are being heard more. The hiring process alone is hugely vetted to avoid cronyism.

I think there’s your answer then really.

It sounds like you’re trying to reason with a fossil at the moment, who is too busy trying to protect his golf buddies to realise that your email offered him the perfect opportunity to save face. He could have said, ah yes apologies for the oversight - even if that wasn’t what he thought - but instead he doubled down, sent a response on cop on a Friday so that you wouldn’t get a chance to reply, and still saw best to deal with you in a private conversation.

Sorry op, he’s promoting his mate and youre collateral damage. It has been pointed out you led. But Steve does not have your back.

Talk to your mentor more and see what she thinks about the replies.

If the organisation takes this seriously, it needs to be highlighted as an issue in this situation.

I agree with this.

Also with the poster who suggested giving Steve an "out". Because that might help him not double down.
But I'd also be VERY careful of Steve going forward.

And good luck tomorrow @AbbotSade1985. We've all got your back

How's it going OP? We're all thinking of you

Thanks so much. This week has been strange in that my anger dissipated somewhat on Monday. A few friends told me not to continue discussing the issue with Steve, and that what I'd said would have already had the desired effect.

The senior manager involved has had to work abroad - she left over the weekend and returns on Friday.

Work has been hugely busy and I've not had much time to think about a possible reply. Paul has had a few own goals, though, making a few mistakes here and there. I've told Steve I don't have the time to help other teams out, so I'm focusing on 9 to 5 hours. He agreed and has been supportive where that's concerned.

Will update if anything changes.

Thanks again.

Yanbu to expect to be thanked equally but also I respect paul for sticking to his boundaries and working the hours he was paid.
On a separate issue though if you'd both worked your hours, fuck em for acknowledging the man of course and ignoring your effort.

I’d be looking to leave Steve’s team and join the supportive manager’s team.