AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

Have a calm and nice weekend if you can before work next week.

I assume your message told him what outcome you wanted? For instance, an acknowledgement that actually Paul's role was minimal and that other people deserve far more credit? On that basis, I would have thought you are entitled to say that you don't feel there is anything you need to discuss at this stage as the facts are clear, and you would like a written response.

Good for you!! Let him stew over the weekend.

Always be clear in your head what conclusion you want from him.

He thinks you are a mug that can be played and discarded.

This is your professional reputation within the company as others have seen exactly what he has done.

Stand up for yourself firmly and calmly or honestly reputationally you will be impacted.

No man would tolerate this for a second.

Well done op. Also good idea not to talk it out on friday and to have the weekend to digest everything.

I had this kind of bullshit at my last company and it made me realise the effort i put in wasn’t worth it, so i massively took a step back and stopped taking on too much work.

I’d reply all and say yes thanks for your contribution and we’re glad to have you recently join the team. Let them know you know! You can remove the details of whomever forwarded it.

Go @AbbotSade1985 !!

Okay, so I made the mistake in checking my emails this morning. Steve sent an email after I shut down my laptop, stating that the reason he sent the email to senior management was to highlight that Paul had to step into his role last minute to replace the person who left. But the email did not state this at all!! The email thanked him for his leadership etc.

I am livid. I've drafted an email back asking why I wasn't singled out for my leadership contribution, but I don't want send on a Saturday.

I'd send it, fck it.

Also never ever send an email when you are angry. Sleep on it and read again when you’ve slept before sending. I don’t mean to undermine your anger: but don’t act while you are boiling.

He is not responding well and that sucks.

Perhaps Paul was brought in to clear up some of OP mess and get the project over the line and OP hasn't realised it. May explain why Steve has been more effusive with him.

Then that is shit management. If (and no reason to think it is true) the OP needed support Steve should have addressed it with her and put structures in place.

From the sounds of it Steve knows he’s fucked up and is trying damage limitation without realising he is just digging a deeper hole.

Wow. I've said it a few times, but Paul covered 1/3 of the project. I can't give more details than this, but Paul's job was separate to mine. The senior manager involved has stated that I led the project beautifully and sent me the responses she received back. She also helped me pen the response to Steve, as she was integral to the project and saw what happened.

Don't reply now. Sleep on it at least.

Personally I'd just reply and say nothing just attach the version you were forwarded! And see how he squirms out of that !

Just ignore that post. Sometimes people want to kick someone and they don’t care who it is.

Don’t send it.

wait till Monday and say something very professional. Like that was an admirable thing to do, but the email negates to point this out. And does not recognise the wider team contribution or my own. And that it is being misconstrued due to your personal friendship,by many individuals.

I suspect Steve is backtracking and trying to make out it's all a misunderstanding. Before asking why you weren't singled out for your leadership contribution, I'd ask what exactly did Paul do that impressed Steve so much that he felt he needed to praise Paul so publicly? You could say both you and your team (make sure he can't make this a 'you' problem) were aware of Paul's brief contribution but you echoed the SLT's opinion that 'others' had made a significant contribution throughout the whole project.

Steve will be pissed off. Because listen love, you’re not paid to think. You’re paid to allow men to have all the work credited whether they did it or not and by not going along with that, you’re clearly a troublemaker. So make us a brew, yeah?

(In all seriousness, this may have activated Massive Bell End Mode in Steve so be vigilant.)

Yes, I'd say something like this, rather than asking why you weren't singled out. It will sound more professional and be less likely to be dismissed as 'jealousy'. I'd also add to the email that, as a supportive manager, you are hoping he will follow up the email to make sure there is no danger of his praise of Paul's leadership being misconstrued amongst the senior leadership as a suggestion that your leadership was lacking or that Paul had needed to take overall lead of the project at the last minute. (You've already had one PP drawing that conclusion!)

Adding a clear request to the email gives @Steve a massive pointer as to how he can wriggle out of this in a way that gets you what you need. Otherwise you risk backing him into a corner trying to defend the indefensible.

I'd still be looking at alternative roles though.

Yes you could say something like, suggest a follow up email recognising the wider team and my own leadership so it is not questioned by the team any more, as you’re concerned the team feel their contribution wasn’t recognised and also feel the questions over your friendship with Paul are damaging. Then say you are happy to send it yourself.

never call yourself out without the team as it just looks like jealousy.

Agree.
Steve isn't on your side and clearly is out to keep you down.

Don't be emotional in the email.
Stick to the facts.
Purely the facts.
Ask why he has created a completely false narrative about a project you led.
Spell out exactly what you contributed to the project in bullet point.

Ask for a specific response as to why he would imply otherwise?

What is his agenda?

It is reasonable to state that you have been contacted by multiple staff asking what the hell this is?

Why were others mentioned.
Why just Paul, who was only partly involved.

Is this NEW company policy to gaslight staff?
What exactly was his intention in sending out something so patently untrue, misleading and confusing for your team?

Going forward all work will be clearly marked as yours and you will recommending it to your team to protect the integrity of their work.

Also point out how damaginghis email is to moral.
He's a cheeky fxxker of the highest degree.

Good god don’t do this.

When you reply a second time op, are you able to reiterate that the issue is that was clearly worded in a way that made other colleagues question why you were not being recognised. This question didn’t originate from you.

Something similar happened to me when a younger and considerably less experienced colleague was supposed to assist me. He was one of a tranche of new graduates that the organization had taken in and over promoted. He took credit for my work and I took it up with my manager. I was told that I had shown a "poor spitit" by complaining and that we were supposed to be a team. The result was that I cut down massively on the amount of work I was doing at home and re-directed my efforts into applying to go to uni. This was in the 1980s so a long drawn out process with no internet. I also allowed work to pile up and deadlines to get missed. My revenge came when I eventually had an appraisal with my manager in which he told me that I had "not been quite as productive" and he thought I had "lost my mojo". I was sitting there with a confirmed place at the RG uni of my choice and a very smug feeling. A few weeks later I resigned.

What. A. Fucking. Toad you are Steve....

Don't ask about your recognition

Reply
Copy and paste his OG email and highlight in yellow his comments Re:Paul's "leadership"

Say nothing else...
Send.
Let it hang....

Separately unless i got a big private apology and a big public recognition i'd looking to move out or up.
And depending on the lay of the land would be inclined to go to his manager for "career advice"