AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

[AbbotSade1985]

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing.

I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project.

Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard.

Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago.

I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise.

AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

That’s not disingenuous, that’s passive aggressive and unprofessional.

"Paul was thanked for his leadership, organisation and diligence" This makes the email even worse, as it could be read as suggesting that Paul had to come in and take over as leader and a clumsy, veiled swipe at your leadership.

I'd definitely send out an end of project thank you email as project lead. I'd also take this up with Steve and consider taking this higher / to HR if he is not willing to correct the impression he has given to senior management. I would also be looking for other positions.

I agree. Why aren’t the senior management, who were sent this email, calling him out?

I wouldn't even bother going to chat to Steve. Nor mention that you'd seen the email. I'd draft an email to everyone saying now that the project has been launched, I'd like to, in my capacity as project leader, talk about how the project development went, what we can all learn from it, how I managed it, how we managed to successfully integrate the newcomer (Paul) and if anyone has any questions, please let me know, and what we think we can do better next time.

This isn’t a bad idea. Although I’d not use it to show off and be passive aggressive,

but an email to the team, copying senior management, thanking everyone for their efforts, call out a few team members for praise, mention their contributions, I’d not mention Paul at all. And don’t say whay you did. It won’t go down well. Just congratulate everyone on a job well done and a project delivered successfully.

Really the senior manager needs to take this up with Steve if they thought it was off.
I also think you are a bit of a mug doing 12 hour days while Paul is merrily doing his 9-5.

The patriarchy is alive and well.

Yanbu, how infuriating.

Paul was only brought in to cover 1/3 of the project whereas OP was (I assume) 100% so that's a huge difference in effort.
I'm not saying that justifies 12 hour days btw

Good for you. I'd copy someone senior in on the email. Need a paper trail of the blatant sexism. It def sounded like Paul had arrived to save the day. If your company is worth it's salt it wont want good people like you walking away because a man has found himself a wee man pal to promote.

☝️ and what about saying to Steve, “it has been brought to your attention” and it unfairly reflects on you and your team that a single person was praised for the work.
Call him out on it but do it dispassionately.

Women will always be disparaged for being emotional when raising issues.

This is pathetic and an example of men helping men in an organisation.

I would forward the email to Steve (removing where you got it from) and just say WTF!!!

That's all you need to do.
Then wait for his pathetic attempt to suck up to you.

OK, that's not on. Can I suggest that you don't say "I won't work these hours in future", though?

That's your decision to make, I am not saying you should work those hours. But I think in this email it will sound sulky and it doesn't need to be said. Tactically in this email I would simply say: you know I led this project, you know I worked long hours to make it happen, you know that the work to get Paul up to speed and in a position to make a contribution was mine, and I am very disappointed in view of our longstanding professional relationship that you took the time to reference his contribution to this project to the SLT without in any way acknowledging my actual leadership of it over [x] period. I am aware that someone else on the SLT did flag my leadership of this project but am surprised and disappointed that you as my line manager did not do this in the first place."

I think you are just going to have to level with him. Say it has got back to you via a concerned and quite annoyed colleague who shall remain nameless that you appear to have been completely sidelined/ignored instead of getting the recognition you deserve. Just make the point calmly that you understand why he wanted to acknowedge Paul, who is new and so far doing a good job, but it shouldn't have been at your expense and he could just as easily have included both of you in the email. Especially given that Paul's input has been minimal in comparison to yours.

He should be more mindful of how this sort of thing appears in future. After all, it's not you that chose to pick up on it. It's a mutual colleague who has observed this and brought it to your attention because it feels unfair and unprofessional.

I think Steve is positioning Paul internally given he is new. It was not about taking credit away from you.

Can you ask the person who fwd to you too raise it? Or "reply all" and point out you've been ignored.

Don't let it drop

This. No apologies or detail about who sent it to you- that someone did shows senior people see your value and see through Steve, and if he asks say I’m not going to be walking through who sends me what. It’s enough for you to know that someone saw that and thought I should know about it.

Your manager us an arse. He needs feedback on how to improve, sounds like 'jobs for the boys' culture. Personally, I'd reply to the email (in a week's time) to that email, ccing in senior managers.

Not at all passive aggressive, is simply outlines how the project developed.
I once had a 'Paul' in my Department who I realised was presenting my work as his own, I started to add my name and the date to every page I produced but in white type of which I could change the colour at any time. When he realised this he soon stopped doing it! This was in the olden days of word processing stuff using headers and footers, he couldn't access it as it wasn't on a central server, just my word processor.

I would ask via email to Steve cc ing everyone apart from Paul exactly what was Paul’s contribution that had him being thanked so publicly

Others had “contributed”? By that do you mean the consensus is that Paul led on it and you contributed? That is outrageous OP, I wouldn’t let this lie. In your shoes I wouldn’t talk to Steve about this, I would do it all via email, and as per another poster’s suggestion, I’d send a new email to all the people who were copied in on the original one to outline how successful the project was under your leadership, how much your team contributed and that it’s good Paul was able to contribute to/witness the delivery of such a successful project during his probation/training period.

It would be so tempting to just reply all: “Paul led on the project? Lol.”

Yeh its the leadership organisation and diligence that is dangerous.

I'd ask when Steve was free for 10 minutes.

Say Steve a senior leader has sent me this email, its worded as if Paul stepped in and led the project! I get that you know my contribution, but its undermined it to senior management who wouldn't be aware of this. Can you rectify it please?

But I do think the person who sent you the email should already have challenged Steve himself.

Headers and footers are still useful for making sure everyone knows who did the work! I put my name, job title and date at the bottom of every report I write. 😂. I’ve been there and done that with both junior and senior colleagues trying to take credit for what I’ve done (both male and female) and I’m too old now to put up with that crap. Things like this need to be dealt with otherwise we will never get rid of these sexist attitudes.

I think this is the play.
Send it to absolutely EVERYONE.
Spell it out.
Don't say a word to Steve.
But now you know.
No further support to new boy and carefully monitor your work and protect it.

This is why women running projects provide weekly catch ups in what has been achieved.

You might as well forget your future if you don't defend yourself firmly and let everyone see you won't be fxxked with.

Telling Steve what you won't be doing in future is showing your hand and a huge mistake.

Headers/footers on every single piece of work going forward, as wisely suggested above.