AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

I think this is fine for a 16 year old. She could have just used google maps.

Yes, kindly, YABU. She is 16 and it sounded like a wonderful opportunity. Not just because it’s what she is interested in but because navigating herself through that builds resilience. Perhaps your sister should have checked with you first but I wouldn’t be ‘beyond furious’ with her over it.

I think you'd be better off on focusing on teaching the 16 year old some life skills for travelling to new places than getting angry with your sister.

Yes, you are being very unreasonable to be angry with your sister. Unless your DD has additional needs, at 16 she should be more than capable of finding her way to the station. Does she have a smart phone with eg google maps?

This couple are not strangers off the street, they are known to your sister and you asked for your daughter to meet them, which your sister accommodated. You should call up your sister and thank her for facilitating your daughter's interview of this couple

Is this a joke?!? She’s 16. It wouldn’t cross my mind that a 16yr old can’t go for a drink with people I know by themselves, or get themselves across a city. Typo for 6?

Well she 16… she’s soon to be moving into university or a profession. This was good to build her ability to react, to engage with strangers, to find her way. She has a phone and Maps.

She’s 16 and she met them in a public place. YABRidiculous.

Where is “beyond” angry? Angry would do, but I think it’s an overreaction. I think it was fine for your sister not to be there during the meeting but it was thoughtless not to be around to show your DD the way back. Surely your DD could have called her aunt to say she’d finished and could she show her the way back.

I would expect a 16 year old to be able to manage alone.

What's the issue? She isn't a small child anymore. Why can't she manage? Can she not use Google maps? Did she not have your phone number or your sister's? How old will she be before you let her do things on her own?

Oh come on, furious? Really? I'm sure she could have used her phone for directions if need be.

What? I flew to Majorca alone at 16! Would never consider this difficult for a 16 year old. It is also very good experience for her to be ‘left’ with people who are there to help her practise her skills! YABVU OP.

My 14 year old would be capable of doing this - in fact she does travel round London by herself to meet up with friends. I’d be embarrassed if my 16 year old couldn’t. Are you going to accompany your DD to on interviews/work experience etc?

You sound very over protective indeed. It was a friend's son and DIL and one of them is a solicitor. They are hardly dangerous sounding 'strangers'.

And frankly if your DD can't find her way to a train station using her phone then you need to let her have a lot more independence.

Good Lord!

Surely it’s about time you started assisting your 16 year old daughter to navigate the country she actually lives in independently?

I suspect this is also what your sister secretly thinks, too.

Please focus on teaching her how to navigate public transport without a supervising adult. Your anger is misdirected as the gap here is in your parenting.

Yes YABU. She is 16, she needs to be doing these things at her age. In a couple of years she will be going off to uni if she’s looking at a legal career.
Shes year 11, won’t she be going off with friends this summer post GCSEs to festivals and things? Prom and after parties, parties…

At 16, I left home and lived independently - I also suggest, with kindness, you loosen the reins a little.

what a great opportunity for your daughter. A lovely day during the holidays to meet your sister briefly and to be introduced to people who might give her info on her future career.

She is 16; she needs to start to navigate things herself a little otherwise life at uni will come as a huge shock if she pursues her interest in this area.

Are you for real, OP? A 16 year old should be more than capable of navigating her way back to the tube, and did you really think an immigration solicitor and a thinktank person who are known to your sister were going to kidnap your daughter from a crowded cafe?

OP what were the contingency plans you arranged for your DD going to London?

• If your sister was caught in traffic or was ill and had to cancel last minute
• If your DD was uncomfortable, did you discuss what she should do?
• What she should do if she got lost or separated
• what she should do if her phone was out of battery
• What bank cards she had, emergency cash if phone didn’t work

and so and and so on.

That’s what’s your 16 years of parenting have been for OP.

What do you mean 'she realised she didn't know how to get back to the station'? Of course she wouldn't if she's never been there before. But she must know how to use Google maps. And the couple went with her anyway so no drama.

I don't see the issue whatsoever tbh. She's 16 not 7.

She walked her from the station to the cafe. I'd expect a 16 year old to be able to pay attention to the route and retrace her steps back. Or, indeed, use her phone to find out directions.

My DD has been travelling into central London to school since the age of 11 by herself, which means she’s confident in navigating the city independently, can use journey planners easily, and knows what to do if there’s a strike or delays.

Maybe give your DD a bit more freedom!

Was your daughter upset about this? If so she will need to change A LOT and get out of her little bubble before she's capable of even considering working with refugees. Think about some of the things an average teenage refugee will have been through and then give your head a wobble.

I would expect a 13 year old to be able to manage this alone.

I think that you are right to be cross. Your sister implied that she would “look” after your DD in London and then she didn’t. She didn’t ask DD if she was comfortable or not. It also affected the meeting as DD was clearly worried about going back.
People underestimate how different might be teenagers experiences at 16. Of course your DD shouldn’t have been accompanied all her life but it’s not time and place to challenge her independence skills and it definitely wasn’t your sister’s job.