AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

[MileageWoes]

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

Bellringing?

At between 5-6am? Don’t think so.

Was it a hobby though, or training for serious competition.

my dc is an athlete and trains twice a day, but they’re national squad…

twice a day is not a “hobby” that’s serious time and money.

o/p I know you’ve said the hobby isn’t relevant, but I think it is. We could judge whether twice a day is necessary- horses, professional training leading to a job or income generating activity, training for the olympics etc vs something he just likes doing.

if the former then the need for twice a day is more understandable and I’d support it. If he just likes going with no end purpose then he can cut down for a few weeks with no consequence.

it’s not CrossFit/hyrox? Even then twice a day is excessive and he could probably replace one session a day.

Interesting thought lol, hopefully not for OPs sake🤞
Yes, ours is/was a family hobby though DS no longer partakes, and DH always invited outside to join us even when he’d rather not!

I suppose I wonder when I see threads like this though, whether the hobby was a part of who they were when first meeting? I’m sure there are many very successful relationships where each does something different with their time, but perhaps having common interests from the outset maybe loads the dice to a long and stress free life together? I don’t know 🧐DH and I met in a roundabout way via the shared hobby so seemed like a winner and many years later, we still are the same team we’ve always been. Another question entirely from the adding of mileage to a car.

Tbh you may as well disclose the hobby, because we're all curious, and it will be outing enough for anyone who knows you because you've put that it's a 40 mile round trip twice a day. None of us can think what that could possibly be, so probably only the thing he does would make sense of it, so anyone who knows would be able to work out it's you from that alone - plus the car trouble too.

So don't worry about outing, just tell us haha.

we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare

So it’s ok to put miles on your DHs car because it’s more comfortable? But not ok to put miles on your car for a month whilst he’s without? YABU

Don't you know that women who post about their husbands hobbies on MN are extremely rare and any mention of said hobby will instantly out them in the way of a headline in the Daily Mail......

OK THEN!!
Dungeons and dragons

Seems really petty in the scheme of relationship give and take. If you DH is not someone you want to help out when you can, maybe there is something more significant wrong with your relationship.

Blimey. Talk about yours and mine. Is your whole house determined by what is yours or his ?
You share a life. Counting the cost of mileage sounds very miserable.

😂
He's the only person in the UK who does that hobby, I'm guessing 😂

Yes, I'm always slightly baffled by couples who operate like this. Like housemates.
Still, their choice.

How do you normally pay for stuff because that's a huge factor.

If you have your own cars and finances then yanbu.

but if you're married and pooling money and repair costs then you're a team so yabvu and using this as an excuse to exert control over the hobby you don't like.

not necessarily. late DH each had our own cars which we had chosen. I never used his because I didn't like it, but he would borrow mine sometimes if it didn't inconvenience me ie he couldn't take it if I was working or had planned to do something. Repairs, services and so on all came out of joint funds but they were in no way shared cars.

To be fair that's a lot of miles for a hobby lol. 500 miles a week, what hobby is that???

And I'm sure part of OPs attitude is due to resentment about the hobby overall. That must take a lot of time and money to maintain.

Morris dancing?

It wouldn't bother me....cars are absolute money pits which depreicated by the second whatever you do so there is little point worrying about the mileage.

Dh and I use each other's cars if needed and in fact dh paid for me last car outright with his work bonus but still asks if he can borrow it bless him even (for things like tip runs or to use the towbar because his car is very impractical and stupid).

Is yours a special sort of car op? Like some sort of classic or very expensive sports car that will hold value? Would he be allowed to use it for that many miles if it was for work rather than the hobby? Is it the hobby you object to? (By the way I couldn't care less what it is or who you are and neither does anyone else).

Ive only read the first page and you've already answered one of my questions which is that your car is old

My car is old, around 160k miles, I expect thousands more out of it before it dies as well. 2k miles extra on it is neither here nor there.

However people seem to like low(er) mileage cars so horses for courses

Its irrelevant where he's going really, its more about why are you worried about the miles, is it because of the insurance, if so ring them and up it, it would probably cost pennies, or is it becuase of ongoing sales?

You think 2k miles is a lot of mileage to the degree it affects tyres and brake pads?

We can rack that up easily a week on holiday. Wouldnt think twice.

500 miles a week FFS

I can't understand these marriages where on one hand, the couple need to be joined at the hip (complaints about what DH does with his own time) and on the other hand, finances and possessions are treated like a flat-share (my and his savings, cars, money etc)

Its 500 miles A WEEK, not a YEAR!!

That was my first thought, although it seems a long way (unless they live in a city I suppose)

But you’re married. Surely that means cars are shared? I may technically be the owner and keeper of a car and my dh of another but we consider them shared and equal.

This, who on earth has time for this!