AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

[MileageWoes]

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

500 a week, I wouldnt be impressed either!!

Unless the hobby involves animals that need support, YANBU. I'm presuming that he's written this mileage into his insurance (which must cost a fortune) and you haven't.

So it seems like you feel his hobby takes priority over everything. You are woken up early in the morning for it, you never see him because he's always out before and after work, and now he's proposing to take your old car potentially leaving you car-less for a month - it's just a bridge too far.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't be happy in this situation either.

I'd be annoyed that he takes the car every evening, leaving you stuck at home.
As far as the mileage is concerned, for a few weeks it shouldn't really matter, but longer term it may well make a difference to the car, particularly if he is thrashing it up and down the motorway.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

It's cycling isn't it?

YABU, you are a married couple. Share and share alike... Very selfish to not let him use your car if he needs it and you don't...

I agree with PP that the time he's spending on the hobby, and not there for family duties, could be a concern; but as to using your car, I really don't get it if you're married. Even though you might generally default to 'his car' and 'her car', surely you just have two household cars that the two adults in the household use as needed/wanted and for which the household money pays?

I cannot imagine what hobby it is that means you have to do two 40 mile round trips a day!!! Every day of the week!

I couldn't be arsed with those trips every day of the week. What on earth? 'Hobbies' don't usually involved fourteen 40 mile round trips a week!

Baffling.........

.

YANBU it's too much and he should be reducing it to once a day or every other day as a compromise. I don't understand how men ( always seems to be men) get away with these all consuming hobbies which allow them to check out of family life - Intrigued by the hobby which can be done after work as well as before fishing, wild swimming, fell running, horse riding?

It’s a bizarre hobby to require twice a day visits.

That would annoy me more than the mileage.

Worrying about putting a couple of thousand miles on a car by using it does remind me a bit of some of these ludicrous, expensive shoes that the manufacturers will refuse to refund you when the soles aren't up the job and fail "because they aren't intended for walking in"!

I know right. There would be no free time to do anything else, ever.

As I said though, I can't think of any hobby that would involve two 40 mile round trips a DAY, every day of the week. Not one.

That sounds like a reasonable guess but surely if he had horses he had to visit twice a day, he wouldn't keep them 20 miles away? Or he'd pay for livery some of the time to reduce the times he had to go there?

The extra 2000 miles on your car is a minor annoyance compared with the time he's taking for himself for this mystery hobby. Can he give it a miss some of the time so you have access to your car for things you want to do? If he's worn his car out doing his hobby, surely that should tell him he's doing it too much.

I voted YABU simply because surely you must know that you can't complain about a DH hobby on MN without saying what it is, especially when you drop a breadcrumb about an unusual aspect such as him doing it twice a day every day, 20 miles away?

I wouldn't think anything of it, especially if it's only for a few weeks! Sounds like the kind of favour I'd do for my husband without thinking so I'm going to add to the voices saying this is about a bigger issue than the mileage.

If you normally use his car for family trips then him using yours temporarily seems like a fair exchange (assuming here you pay for them separately? If you don't pay for them separately I really don't understand what the issue is)

Isn’t the point of cycling that you spend the time cycling instead of driving?

I agree too that it's bloody annoying when a poster posts on here about their DH's hobby and refuses to say what it is. 🙄

Given your update about it being an older car and you wanting to keep it in working order as long as possible, I understand your issues with him putting £2000 extra miles on it.

I think you are reasonable to ask him to go less often (in general not just this month!) but he doesn't seem to listen to that, which is a shame but you can't force him.

It must be horses. Someone at our yard lives about 15 miles away and it always blows my mind what a hassle it must be!

I reckon its a horse - would need you to go am and pm

I was joking, because secret hobbies on MN often turn out to be cycling.

A horse to look after in stables?
A sunrise / sunset photographer? I've no idea why this would be needed daily or needed at all really 😂
Something at low tide?
He volunteers to switch the light on and off in a lighthouse?

OP probably won't tell us, so anything is possible with no clues 😁

This all sounds ridiculous.

Over the lifetime of a car this will make not a jot of difference. But if it worries you maybe you could use his car for some of your journeys when it’s back to redress the balance.

If in fact the issue is that you just resent the hobby then be honest about it! Don’t blame the car mileage.

Adding 2000 miles onto someone else's car is really alot. I think my car is insured for 6000 so he's be using a third of my yearly mileage.

How does it work financially? Do you both contribute to vehicle MOTs, repairs, tyres etc from a joint pot or is that purely your responsibility?

God that’s a lot. 80 miles a day for a hobby. Twice a day? It must take hours and hours out of his day, Can I ask what it is?

Fishing

I reckon he's a lock keeper. Someone opens the lock near us in the morning and afternoon every day.