To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

[NeedingASafeSpace]

in my late teens to mid 20s I was always loving life wanting to go out whenever I could. I would itch to go out for then Friday, drink and dabble a little with party drugs Friday Saturday and Sunday and then feel regret come Monday morning. Some Mondays I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror! I had my children a totally calmed down. I stopped going out of course (lack of child care but also I don’t want to!) I get offers now for people to have my children while I go out but honestly looking back on how I used to be? No thanks! I have responsibilities now and so my whole life has changed dramatically. I don’t drink at all anymore. Needless to say I absolutely do not touch drugs now.
thinking back to my life before my children, I was so lost and alone! I definitely believe if I had not had children and carried on how I did, I would have an issue with some form of substance now (either drink or c0k3). I am not saying I ever felt addicted but I’d admit I was likely on the pathway and so were the people I chose to associate with.
a night out to me sounds horrendous. When I think back to how alcohol made me feel… alone, depressed, in self sabotage mode and a shitty human at times. Argh I do not miss it one bit. I do believe it is a trap. Or was that just for me? Uh… I don’t know?

I think that was just you, I used to love going out, most of the time I'd drink, some time I wouldn't. I never did drugs, never smoked, didn't ever fancy it.

Have kids now, don't want to go out drinking and dancing like I used to, but the occasional night out with friends, sitting in a bar and having a laugh is still an amazing night out.

I’m glad you could and still can have a lovely time. Maybe I just got in too deep with it all… thankfully I did not develop any issues.

I’m pleased you feel happy in your life now.

I don’t love the narrative that life is empty and wasted until the children come along.

I think you just grew up OP! Most people do eventually! Having children definitely brought meaning to my life that I didn't have before. I loved clubbing when I was young but i can see that I was lonely and lost at times too. I was very happy to settle down when the time came.

i definitely do feel I was a floating no body until my children came along and gave me a purpose.

I have definitely grown up in some aspects. Others I’m still trying! My party shoes are definitely hung up, I’d say!

I think there's sonething about having innocent young children that makes you recoil with horror from all the debauchery you once indulged in. You are horrified at the risks, the irresponsibility and almost seediness of then compared with your new wholesome life.
Sometimes as they grow up, the feeling fades and you remember the fun and it doesn't feel as awful. Then you might decide to venture out for another go round. Albeit less wild.

But you can recognise that that isn’t a universal experience, yes?

I understand that people once they have children have that mindset quite typically of renewed purpose, but do you consider all of societies lives to be empty without offspring?

Nowhere, in either the OP or any subsequent posts, did the OP say that.

Absolutely not. I think looking back and now I admire people who have their lives together. Another post here mentioned they could go out and drink or not drink. That’s unimaginable for me but amazing and admirable. I feel happy for people who don’t need that satisfaction of going out partying or taking drugs to feel they have a purpose. The ones who could sit in their own company out of choice. The ones with their shit together basically. I admire that and I always do dream of being that person. I wouldn’t change my life now of course but back then I do notice “that person” who has their shit together and I loved that for them.

That’s why I asked the question @ItsPickleRick.

The opener did seem pretty loaded about life being terrible going out partying and having children has been the turn around. I acknowledged that it was good the op felt happy with their life now, I just didn’t love the connotations of wanting to pile on for different choices.

My spelling is horrendous I am sorry my phone screen is broken so I am trying my best!

It’s a good job this is an open forum and not something I have to get approved by everyone who “doesn’t like” things… come one. Kindly get a grip. I was merely pointing out my personal experience. If that offends, then I am not sorry.

I really dislike this narrative too and this post has the ring of a new evangelistic convert.

OP it goes without saying having to rely on booze and party drugs isn't great (although I will cut people who do it in their 20s a bit of slack as I did it myself). But certainly it gets pretty old after a bit.

But the idea that you can't be happy/fulfilled without children is nonsense and pretty offensive to people who don't. There are plenty of ways to have an incredible life as a child free person. I adore my DD and don't regret having her for a minute but in a parallel universe I could imagine having a wonderful life unshackled by children.

If you only get fulfilment from your children you're going to struggle after they've grown up and flown the nest.

I miss those times, they’re long gone for me - too old, too many health issues, cba!
I didn’t do drugs though other than the odd spliff.
im glad i did it all and have fun memories to look back on.

What do you mean by a trap? Who is setting the trap?
Do you go out for lunch with friends, without getting drunk, or off your head on drugs? Why can't you take that attitude out with you in the evening?
Have you tried going to the cinema in the evening with friends and maybe having just one drink afterwards?

Your second paragraph describes me to a tee! That’s exactly where I’m at now and bloody loving it, although my nights now start at 4pm instead of
10pm🤣

I had a semi debauched life when I was younger. I loved every second of it!! I have children and still love going out with my friends, have danced until the early hours and had a great time.

I don’t think it’s a trap? Sorry you didn’t have a good time. I guess everyone’s experiences are different. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing.

My children are my world. I have no doubt in my mind that once they grow I absolutely will struggle in every which way. They absolutely are my life and my happy times are with them.

I wouldn't change my pre kid partying days and have zero regrets about them. I sometimes long for the going out with my mates and getting pissed on a Friday night days. Now a days I'm happy staying in watching Monty Don 🤣

Correct op, it’s an open forum for you to ask a question and receive feedback and differing opinions.

I’m sorry you had personal dealings with potential addiction/mental health issues, and pleased you are happy in your life now. Quite often addictions can be transferred, which is something to be mindful of.

Thank you, as am I. I hope you are happy in life, also.

I don't like the narrative that it is immature to go for nights out and if you want to go out, you haven't grown up.

I remember when I was 30, I mentioned to a friend that I was going out on a bank holiday. I had no boyfriend and hoped to meet someone. The smugness was dripping off her. Of course SHE had her partner and had moved on etc.

For the record, I never smoked or took drugs I only had a few drinks and only got drunk a few times in my life. I am now 54. I work fulltime and have professional exams.

Now I rarely go out due to dcs and cost etc. However I still enjoy drinks out a few times a year, and I drink at the weekends ar home.

You can still go out when you're older with children, have a good time & still maintain a good balance. I had a bad binge drinking spell for 2 or 3 years when my kids were small. Thankfully my dh made up for my lack of responsibilty. If I'd stayed like that I really believe I'd be an alcoholic now.
Now, at the age of 60 I can.go out til 3am & I hardly touch a drop. I think my body just said no to alcohol & I just don't fancy it now

I could have written this post. Except I went on to have a full blown alcohol addiction post divorce (however now made a full recovery). I can't imagine anything worse now getting dressed up, pissed up dancing and being surrounded by drunk people. It was so normalised when I was younger.