To think the going out(nightlife drinking) is a trap

[NeedingASafeSpace]

in my late teens to mid 20s I was always loving life wanting to go out whenever I could. I would itch to go out for then Friday, drink and dabble a little with party drugs Friday Saturday and Sunday and then feel regret come Monday morning. Some Mondays I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror! I had my children a totally calmed down. I stopped going out of course (lack of child care but also I don’t want to!) I get offers now for people to have my children while I go out but honestly looking back on how I used to be? No thanks! I have responsibilities now and so my whole life has changed dramatically. I don’t drink at all anymore. Needless to say I absolutely do not touch drugs now.
thinking back to my life before my children, I was so lost and alone! I definitely believe if I had not had children and carried on how I did, I would have an issue with some form of substance now (either drink or c0k3). I am not saying I ever felt addicted but I’d admit I was likely on the pathway and so were the people I chose to associate with.
a night out to me sounds horrendous. When I think back to how alcohol made me feel… alone, depressed, in self sabotage mode and a shitty human at times. Argh I do not miss it one bit. I do believe it is a trap. Or was that just for me? Uh… I don’t know?

So is calpol/paracetamol if we’re being pedantic. By that logic, everyone is a drug taker.

I’d spend Mondays looking in the mirror and smiling. Best years of my life.

If you are talking to me, I actually meant I don't currently do any drugs including weed or alcohol.

That's a shame for you. Perhaps line up some therapy for when they leave home?

I have a slightly younger friend. In his late 20s/early 30s he was still in a cycle of going out Thursday/Friday/Saturday nights. Spending all day Sunday hungover and eating takeaways. On Monday he would be ‘depressed’.

Ended up taking loads of antidepressants, going to therapy. Went on for years, same routine.

Got a job in the countryside, started walking/climbing and is a different person. He wasn’t depressed just in a cycle of highs and lows. He is still very sociable and likes a drink but just the odd night.

I liked going out but it sucks your life away, fine when you are younger and recover. My BIL started going out again in his 30s and would spend all weekend in bed recovering, and he had small children, it’s a waste of a life.

It’s a choice. Sounds more like your BIL used it as an excuse to avoid parenting his own children.

You don’t have to get absolutely plastered, you can do things to mitigate the hangover, you can suck it up and function the best you can because your kids need parenting.

I also felt similarly op

Not an addict but childhood trauma so well set up to develop substance misuse problems.

Now with kids however much it offends the child free or intentionally detached - no three is no love like it, yes it changes your world, yes you strive to be better because of it and no for many people this massive improvement would not have happened without kids.

But you don’t mind offending the childless not by choice?

And yet, millions of parents don’t change for the better or at all. Some develop substance abuse issues BECAUSE they had kids.

I do roll my eyes a bit at this narrative in general (not aimed at you, OP).

I never saw going out as a “trap”, I love getting dressed up, going out out, drinking and dancing. I loved it in my 20s and still do in my 30s. The only difference now is that it happens less, as people drift, settle down, or have kids.

I completely get why some people prefer a calmer, more home-focused lifestyle, but there’s no need to put down the party scene, I’d still choose that over a sit-down meal for fun.

What does make me roll my eyes is when people loudly claim they’re “wholesome” and above that lifestyle, then go through a breakup and suddenly become full-on party animals online… until they find their next partner and switch back again

Just you. I never stopped going out when I had my children. They are grown ups now, and despite being old, I still love going out with my mates or with my OH. Alcohol doesn’t make me feel the way you describe. I drink less than I used to now, stopped going to clubs many, many years ago, and don’t go out every week but I still really enjoy it.

YANBU
I hear you.

You are right, for so many directionless people, it really can and does so easily become an addiction before they even know it.

Birds of a feather stick together and unwittingly egg each other on. Then some will wake up and go in a positive sensible direction, whilst others become addicts.

I’m glad things worked out for you.

Back in the olden days cocaine was prescribed in medication or “otc drugs” and ecstasy was a medication for depression wasn’t it? And opium has always been around eg in China.

Second. Agree.

so it is. And don’t many mums still do wine o’clock? The most I have is a gin and tonic at home occasionally. And drink when out with friends most often wine bars with cheese boards. But yeah sometimes I love a good night out going wild so judge me. And some of my mum friends love/ loved that too.

And let’s not forget “mothers’ little helper” in the 60s.

Exactly, housewives speed.

The key word being "currently"

Sorry, wasn’t being snarky, I’ve just never understood the ‘would never do drugs’ line, everyone self-medicates to one extent or other, even if it’s caffeine! And yes to ‘mother’s little helper’.

Sure. But the OP has put this across as a blanket situation, and that’s not the case. There may well be a subset of people with addiction issues, mental health issues or neurodiversity, where the only two options are go out and take drugs and drink to excess, or sit at home, but it’s not right to apply this as standard to the population as a whole.

If it’s based on an addictive nature, then it’s swapping drugs/alcohol for children and while physically more healthy, mentally it’s no better. Same for mental health issues, if it’s centred around plugging emotional and social holes with children, then it’s really just temporarily plugging of holes and not addressing root causes, which is not great. If it’s neurodiversity, then great, crack on, but don’t put this as a blanket situation across the whole population.

Not having kids does enable you to maintain the party lifestyle a bit longer, but tbh, it gets boring eventually and takes from you more than it gives.

I have no envy for people still rinsing in their 50s. It just looks like hard work!

I honestly had the best time partying, sometimes I hear Avicii or similar early-mid 00s tunes and I remember the joy of dancing with my friends letting the music move you. I never went "too hard" so could always get myself a cab safely. Going to people's flats and discussing life/politics til the early hours, it was such fun

I dont do that now as now im nearly 40 my body has the WORST hangovers and I cant cope with doing swimming lesson shenanigans with a hangover 🤣🤣🤣

My gran had a similar time in her jitterbugging days and would reminisce about fun nights until she died in her 80s.

I have ADHD but luckily my body prefers the outlet not of drink and drugs, but of complicated dance routines to Taylor Swift which gives me that euphoria 🤣🤣🥰

You dont understand the difference between illegal drugs and a coffee?

Do you mean you would take speed to speed up the housework time?!