Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

Did you say this privately or publicly under the photo?

Privately of course

Given her age you probably shouldn't have said anything but her reaction seems extreme unless you regularly comment on her appearance (if you do then just stop). (Fwiw though I think people should cover their arses)

She's 30 OP - definitely too old to have her mum nagging her about her bum.

You can think whatever you like privately (and I don't disagree that there are disadvantages to putting your arse on social media) but she's about ten years past the point at which parental input is required on her personal decisions.

Give her a bit of space and time and then in couple of weeks text her saying "I was being an interfering plonker and I'm sorry. You have a gorgeous arse and there's nothing wrong with you posting whatever you like on social media. Lesson learned and I won't ever nag you about it again. Please come for lunch on Sunday, I miss you terribly.'

I'd just ignore her to be honest and let her make the first move. She sounds incredibly immature. However, as a mother with DDs this age I wouldn't have commented on a picture like that. They are adults and can make their own decisions on what they post.

She sounds incredibly touchy, but then I have no idea whether she has had 30 years of you putting her down and making disapproving comments, in the same way that I have had from my own mother. I am very careful not to be critical of my grown up DC.

Sorry op. It must feel awful. I am sure she will forgive you. You sound very loving and if so then deep down she will know it comes from a good place. FWIW I think you were right and I think a teeny bit of her knows it, otherwise she would not be offended (she would just be rolling her eyes at old mum). Has she done this silent treatment on you before?

my mum would be you x 100 if I did the same and I wouldn’t go no contact with her (but I probably would block her on Facebook). And I’m nearly 40!

You’ve apologised not much more you can do now maybe extend an olive branch in a few weeks. I dread to think what she’ll be like if she has precious baby one day!

I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned anything about her appearance to her. I just felt it was a step too far and I know a lot of younger people these days are caught up in the ‘online world’ and no doubt will regret certain things when they are older and more mature.

Definitely wouldn't do that.
Odd that she wants to put her arse as a profile. Is this genuine?

You were right to think it but possibly not to say it given her age. She’s barely a ‘young person’ needing your advice at 30. If I said anything I’d probably have tried to make a bit of a joke about it. My DD is 19 and the amount of cleavage she feels appropriate to show bothers me quite a lot but I accept it’s her body and her life as an adult.

More mature? She's 30! You talk like she's 19.

I would leave it and let her come to you. It does sound like an overreaction on her part and I'm sure she knows it was coming from a good place.

I'm 44 and hate my mum making judgemental comments to me. A few years ago I was getting a train up to visit her and I got a cheap first class ticket. I excitedly told her this included wine. She replied with "woah, be careful, you're going for a dress fitting". It really pissed me off, I'm an adult and know how to handle a free glass of wine on the train.
If my mum told me my profile pic was inappropriate I'd be massively annoyed. I agree, no-one should have a photo of their arse hanging out as a profile pic... but it's not up to you to comment. She's an adult and can make her own mistakes.
You should apologise for interfering op.

Is it really about that comment or do you have form for making such comments?

Do you also have a pattern of behaviour that mafe made this tlast straw

Seems totally reasonable. Presumably this is a pattern for her though?

I would’ve said the same about prospective employers, etc. if my DD (20) posted a photo of her bum and she wouldn’t go NC. She’d probably say that it’s her choice and that would be the end of it. My late Mum would say the same to me.

IMO, your DD’s reaction is immature, going NC for two weeks over this, she’s having a tantrum. Life is far too short.

There might be some jobs where having a profile pic of your arse hanging out is seen as a good thing but they aren’t the sort of jobs you’d want your daughter doing.

She seems like a really immature drama llama. How tiresome for you.

She sounds emotionally immature. She could have simply listened to yoy and told you she doesn’t agree. End of. No need to go no contact over that!

and I think you are 100% correct in what you said.

what is wrong with people these days? Everyone is so offended!!! Goodness.

She’s very immature.
I would just ignore her, she’s acting like a brat.

What is “led on a boat.”

I wouldn’t usually comment on someone using a word that doesn’t exist, but you decided to comment on another woman’s body and what she chooses to show and put online. Keep your beak out.

@Luceee25 I certainly would have said the same as you. Has she taken it down since?

If my mother had said this to me, I would have been embarrassed she needed to and that I’ve messed up. I’d have given her a wide-berth too, until this was well and truly forgotten.

I bet you are great fun at parties 🙄

YANBU @Luceee25 .46, so older than your daughter but I agree with you. Wouldn't want to see anyone's bum so I think it's weird to use that as a profile picture. Not only thinking about potential employers but also how she choses to show herself to the world. Profile pictures tend to be what defines us (what we think is essential)- if you love your dog/flowers/football/baby whatever you put that. I would see here is a woman who likes her bum- def not someone I would like as a friend.

She’s unreasonable for reacting in this way.

If my mum had said that to me I’d have laughed it off, and told her to mind her own. End of story.

I’d just leave it. She’ll contact you first, I guarantee it.

Any normal response would be to either agree you’re right and remove it or roll her eyes and say mum it’s 2026. The NC thing is a bizarre overreaction. She sounds like a brat.