AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

You are not being unreasonable to feel like this; I probably would too. However it was gifted to him and so he can do as he wishes.

Equally you are able to have a conversation to say you feel it would be a shame to just use the diamonds and maybe he could just buy his fiancée a ring she loves from scratch. He can only decline!

oh this is so hard as I completely see both view points - but I’m a real sentimentalist so would feel the same as you. I’ve inherited a few rings which are definitely not to my aesthetic taste BUT their history and meaning means I am honoured to wear them.

Just seen point above - yes I’d maybe vocalise that he doesn’t need to feel obliged to use the ring and could get her something new.

I would ask him if it is really important to him to use part of the ring in the new ring. If it is let him continue. If he is doing it because he feels he should or it's what other people would want let him know it's ok just to buy a ring his girlfriend will like and keep the other ring as it is for sentimental reasons.

YANBU. It's one thing to get the ring resized or cleaned up a bit, but just using the diamonds from his inherited ring doesn't feel like it'll be the same ring at all!

What’s the original ring like? What stones? Metal?

Personally I think things like this should be inherited by female family because why would your sons fiancé want to wear an engagement ring she had no choice in that he didn’t even buy?

Even if it was kept intact it would be worn and owned by someone of no relation to your mum and who never met her.

. He won’t be wearing it, his fiancé will and it’s not her family history to be attached to or her taste, for something she’ll probably wear every day! You can’t gift someone something and then question how the choose to use it. YANBU to be sad to see the ring changed from how you remember but it’s not ok to suggest to give it to another family member instead , it’s theirs to use now and make their own family heirloom for the future

My DH proposed with my MIL's engagement ring - I adore it's history and wear it as is (even though it wouldn't have been my initial choice).

However, I can also see the other side as I was also given a half eternity band and have used the diamonds from that (along with an opal from my grandmother) to create a new ring for my daughter. If your son is set on redesign, he might want to write a note on the history of the ring so that if it's passed on to any future children, they know where those diamonds came from!

It is a white gold diamond cluster ring from the 1960s, he planning to repurpose the cluster diamonds as a halo around the peach sapphire stone I believe.

We don’t really have a female family line to pass it down to. My brother and I both only have sons.

I think it’s nice actually.

Repurpose what can be used in a new ring that will be worn and loved with family history rather than just languishing away in a draw to never be looked at.

I think it is keeping the ring alive and keeping it loved and in use. Much better that than sitting in a drawer.

I had received my Grandmother's and my mother's rings including engagement rings and they just sat in a jewellery box. They were lovely, deeply meaningful but of their time. I certainly wouldn't wear either of them.
When my dd got engaged, her partner gave her a token (but thoughtful) ring saying he wanted to choose the actual ring together.

I offered them the rings I had, and suggested they could design a new ring and repurpose the gold and diamonds. They decided to do this. It was a really wonderful project ending up with a totally unique, original ring that was "theirs" but at the same time linked my dd to her beloved Grandmother and her great Grandmother.

Perhaps you might be able to reframe things, to help that sense of loss?

My partner proposed with his grandmothers engagement ring. my partner's mum had said to him that we could do whatever we wanted with it. I really appreciated this as it was beautiful but not my style, a very very old ring. We used the diamonds from the original ring and money from the gold was used to go towards a platinum custom designed ring. I'm a silver gal! Gold just isn't my thing.

If you aren't ok with his plan I would ask for it back. If he goes ahead and isn't able to change it to what he thinks she would like, she may then feel undue pressure to wear a ring that isn't her style, which I dont think is fair.

I feel we are still keeping the ring 'alive' as @Kepler22B said and exactly same view that it's better than it being unworn In a drawer.

I only met his grandmother once before she died so I cant be as sentimental about it as his family are, but I'm really happy that they love that her diamonds are in my ring and I can see that it gives them a lot of joy. They are a family where there was no females to pass it down too so I'm glad we could use it in the way we have.

I’m between two minds here. My mother’s engagement ring is beautiful but there is no way it would suit a modern bride, it is of its time. I see your point of view but I also see your DS’s. Be honest would any modern bride like your Mum’s ring as it is?

why would your sons fiancé want to wear an engagement ring she had no choice in that he didn’t even buy?

I wore DH's grandmother's ring for years. It was possibly the world's tiniest diamond, in a gold band that wore so thin it eventually broke (so it's now in a box). But it was a spur of the moment offer from FIL when he learned of our engagement, and both DH and his dad had clearly adored the previous owner.

What was your DH's grandmother's engagement ring like? Would you have been happy to wear it? An engagement ring is something you look at every day, not a piece you wear occasionally. It's lovely (and natural) to want to keep it in the family but unreasonable to expect it to be to your future DiL's taste. I think you have to decide whether it's more important to keep the ring whole (for a few more years) or reuse some of it.

If he's giving it to his fiancée, it will go out of the family anyway as it will now belong to her? I wouldn't give jewellery to boys personally, but it is tricky if there are no girls. It is sad they are redesigning it but as you said, it's his to do what he wants with.

What will happen to the bits of the ring he doesn't use? I understand that your sons fiancee only wants the diamonds from it, could the rest be made into a piece of jewellery you could wear? Or which could be given to any daughters your son may have? Or even melted to make his wedding ring?

I’d offer the buy it off him

He might feel obligated to use the ring because it was left to him, so he's doing the best that he can. I would speak to him, let him know that he isn't being disrespectful if he doesn't use it to propose with and instead buys the ring his GF will love, and that he give the ring to you or another female family member. Not many women like the idea of wearing another woman's engagement ring, unless the woman is their mum or related to them.

It wasn’t left to you, it was left to him. So on that basis YABU.

I’m not entirely sure what will be left. I’d imagine most of the diamonds that form the cluster will be used in the new design, leaving just the band itself. Perhaps something could be done with that?

I think I am just sad that it will no longer be in its original form, but it’s not the end of the world. I suppose a part of me just wonders if my younger son or nephews might have wanted it in its original form.

This