DIL said I’m a pathetic excuse of a mother

[LonelyMIL]

DIL called me a pathetic excuse of a mother and said I should be ashamed of myself.

Son wont talk to me in months now

AIBU thinking there’s no reason ever to be this horrible to your mother in law who is just trying to have a relationship

And then when he met the DiL was there pressure to stay living with you and keep his life on hold rather than allowing him to feel free to build his own family

So he did give you a very specific reason, but you've decided it's not good enough...🙄

Did he move back with you at 16?

This. ^

Yes

He was forced to become your carer at 16, and move back home with you? Where did he live prior to that?

Ok. I thought you meant you provided the food and roof when he was a child.
Your posts are very vague.

Two estranged adult kids says something.
Anyway, I'm out.

Are you the lady who kept posting last year about a holiday, and did you have a snake? And you’ve painted all your rooms?

Forgive me if not but you have a very similar style of writing and if you are the same person, I think you probably need more help than us MN posters can offer. Please seek some help from your GP xx

So it is you. The MIL who expects your son to still be running around after you, and who was upset your DIL didn’t mention you in her speech but not the least bit upset about your son not mentioning you. And also upset about the flowers.

Yeah, I suspect your DiL is fed up of your behaviour so it’s not surprising things have reached a head.

No I got sick after that he lived with his dad before that he came to live with me by choice as he preferred where I lived

OP it really does sound like there’s more to it.

You describe you relationship with your own dd as “rocky for years”. That in itself is a red flag for one or both of you. Your relationship with your own dd should not be rocky. So there must be a reason behind it.

Now you have problems with your son/DIL as well. So, very sorry to say, you are looking like the common denominator here. It may not be the case, but it’s worth you thinking about.

I’m going to put these question's as kindly as I can, but you do need to have a serious think about why 2 of your kids have cut you off.

Are you difficult?
Do people leave your house feeling they wished they hadn’t visited?
Do you always blame others for issues?

It’s very easy to say you made sacrifices as a parent. Most parents make massive sacrifices.

In what way do they think you don’t have boundaries?

Based on her other thread, all 5(?) of her children lived with their dad after the divorce.

Ohh dear

Why are you so reluctant to share what you did?

I suspect it is shame and guilt because of what you did. If it was nothing, you would have told us.

Ah, this explains a lot! I trawled the thread looking for the post about the OP's DD not speaking to her, and couldn't find it anywhere. It must be in the other thread!

And why is your user name lonely MIL instead of lonely mum? It suggests that you blame you dil.

Start by telling us what you said sorry for and what sort of mistakes you made

My thread is about her calling me names

It's on a post at 9.28

I remember you.... you were always phoning your son and expecting them to come see you every week.

I think you need some therapy op to at least gain some insight as to why your children have taken a step back from you.

Yeah, it sounds like the OP's DIL is fiercely defending her husband (the OP's son) as she can very likely see that he is being manipulated into being the OP's carer. No child (even an adult one) should feel like they HAVE to be their parent's carer, and they certainly don't need to do it because the parents gave them a roof over their head and fed them! 🙄

As has been said, people choose to have children, and giving them shelter and food is a basic requirement. Even if you did much more though, children owe their parents NOTHING. They did not ask to be born.

I will never EVER expect that of my children. (To be my carer.) It's very unfair to place that on them when they have their own life, career, and family.

At least the picture is a bit clearer now of what is going on with the OP though.

The DIL is just looking out for her husband/the father of her child(ren.)

Just had a quick read through your other thread.

You seem to blame your DIL for everything and really resent the relationship she has with her mum.

She didn’t take your son from you. He’s a grown man and him choosing to be with her is not her fault.

Thank you.

Weird how the OP just drops it in and says no more. This whole thread is just her being resolutely unwilling to acknowledge anything but the problematic behaviour of her DIL when there's a whole carnival of red flags from her

Yes. I recognise the writing.
If it is you using another user name? This was always going to happen, you are overbearing and in competition with your DIL.
You are destroying their marriage with neediness. If you truly love him, let him go x