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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt about being excluded from my sister's dinner?

200 replies

RiverCrossing · 07/04/2026 20:48

I have name changed for this just in case, but essentially I need to know if I am being the unreasonable one here - completely happy to take the feedback if so! Basically my sister has been weird for a few months, sort of distancing herself from me and my DH. Prior to this we had always been very close and I’m honestly having a hard time pinpointing why things might have changed - even with a lot of self reflection. I found out on Sunday by accident that she is hosting a birthday dinner for her husband and has not invited us - my brother and parents are invited, and previously we would have been going to something like this as well.

I was obviously surprised by this and it affirms my suspicion that something is wrong. I figure she’ll tell me in her own time and clearly she can invite who she wants into her home, it’s the keeping it secret part (definitely was) that has made me wonder about things. I found out because of a message that was sent to me by accident, I didn’t make it a big deal I don’t think and just replied saying have a lovely time and that was that. However since then she has absolutely 100% ghosted me and I am at a loss. I don’t want to bring my elderly parents into things by asking them, I messaged her a few times - benign, no more than usual - but they are just going unread and she has cancelled a planned lunch on Friday (been in the diary for a few weeks) with no explanation.

Is she awkward because I found out? Is she trying to phase me out of her life? Should I say something or just leave it, maybe I’m making a big deal? It’s honestly such a weird atmosphere and I don’t know what to do from here.

YABU - not a big deal, leave it to figure itself out, she’s probably fine and just having a weird moment

YANBU - ask her what’s going on, it’s weird!

OP posts:
Lactoorsupp · 07/04/2026 20:50

She will have her reasons

I would drop her a line to say that you’d love to take her out for a coffee and a chat

Lactoorsupp · 07/04/2026 20:52

your parents and brother also kept it from you?

Topjoe19 · 07/04/2026 20:52

Could it be something to do with her/your husband?

RiverCrossing · 07/04/2026 20:57

Lactoorsupp · 07/04/2026 20:52

your parents and brother also kept it from you?

This I am not sure about. I don’t chat to
my brother much but I do speak to my dad most days and it wasn’t mentioned, I am
wondering enough about this to think perhaps they were asked not to, but I also recognise perhaps I am being paranoid and he assumed I was going.

OP posts:
RiverCrossing · 07/04/2026 20:59

Lactoorsupp · 07/04/2026 20:50

She will have her reasons

I would drop her a line to say that you’d love to take her out for a coffee and a chat

This was my thought earlier, this is something we would usually do but then she cancelled lunch and I second guessed it. I think perhaps I should just name it and say it feels a bit weird and can we chat.

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 07/04/2026 20:59

She wants to make you worry, plead, tread on eggshells etc. Don't rise to it. I'd be playing 'who blinks first'

YerMotherWasAHamster · 07/04/2026 20:59

Id send a message saying clearly something is wrong, im here any time she wants to talk about it, i love her and ill leave the ball in her court.

RiverCrossing · 07/04/2026 20:59

Topjoe19 · 07/04/2026 20:52

Could it be something to do with her/your husband?

I reallyyyyyyy hope not.

OP posts:
ArduousAndTedious · 07/04/2026 21:00

Can your DH shed any light on the situation? Maybe he upset them in some way, if you definitely didn’t.

hideawayforever · 07/04/2026 21:01

If she hasn't even got the decency and maturity to tell you whats hoing on then I would leave her to it, she's doing her best to hurt you for some reason. Just give her the same treatment, ignore and get on with your life.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2026 21:01

Maybe it’s her husband that doesn’t like you or your husband. id ask my mum what’s going on.

somanychristmaslights · 07/04/2026 21:02

For goodness sake, she’s your sister!! Just message her and ask what the hell is going on.

Rachelshair · 07/04/2026 21:03

Have you received things from your parents that she hasn't, like childcare or money? But then she'd have to be off with them as well?

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 07/04/2026 21:04

Can you think of any obvious reasons why? Discrepancy in finances, struggling with fertility?

catipuss · 07/04/2026 21:05

Your sister you should be able to talk ask her for a coffee and a chat.

Bikenutz · 07/04/2026 21:05

How hurtful. Definitely ask your husband if he can think of anything, and I would ask her if you possibly can what is wrong.

firstofallimadelight · 07/04/2026 21:10

I’d message and say “clearly something is wrong, feel free to message me when you are ready to talk about it “
then carry on with your life

Blairwitch82 · 07/04/2026 21:17

I don’t think anyone on mumsnet can guess for you

just phone up and ask.

Dancingsquirrels · 07/04/2026 21:19

Ask yiur brother?

Don't let it fester

Bearbookagainandagain · 07/04/2026 21:26

You are being way more patient about this than I would be in your situation. If there hasn't been any clear fallout between you, then she is just acting childish, rude and mean.

It is fine that for whatever reason she doesn't want to see you at the moment, but it is not ok to suddenly ghost your sister without providing at least a basic explanation.

feelingutterlyhopeless · 07/04/2026 21:37

This happened to me - 7 years ago my sis changed her number and hasn't spoken to me since. No explanation. I have tried so many ways to understand. My sis in question has over the years given contradicting reasons why she broke contact with me.
7 years on I still do not know. I have heard stuff on gravevine - it's soul destroying and not one person in the family tried to help or stick up or intervene.

I have finally made my peace with the fact it's her loss. But it hurts SO bad when we were like besties.

CheddarCheeseAndCrispSandwich · 07/04/2026 21:46

I may be being cynical here, but my first thought was that your husband may have made a pass at her?

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of thing, when a friend’s husband made a drunken attempt at groping and kissing me…it was horrible, and I couldn’t be anywhere near him afterwards. So this may have influenced my take on your situation OP! Hopefully I’m WAY off the mark here 👌🏻

familyissues12345 · 07/04/2026 21:54

firstofallimadelight · 07/04/2026 21:10

I’d message and say “clearly something is wrong, feel free to message me when you are ready to talk about it “
then carry on with your life

This is what I would do. It holds out an olive branch. There isn’t much else you can do!

dazidoo · 07/04/2026 21:57

somanychristmaslights · 07/04/2026 21:02

For goodness sake, she’s your sister!! Just message her and ask what the hell is going on.

This!!

Vartden · 07/04/2026 22:03

I'd be knocking on her front door asking what she was playing at.

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