To think every woman should have at least £20,000 in savings she can access independently?

[AmusedPlumMember]

I’m going to be quite direct here.

I personally think every woman should aim to have at least £20,000 in savings that she can access independently, whether that’s in an ISA or another account. For me, it’s about having a level of financial security and not being completely reliant on anyone else, even in a committed relationship. I know that won’t be achievable for everyone at all times but as a principle it feels important.

AIBU to think that’s just sensible or am I being unrealistic?

Well I have that but mostly from inheritances as I never earned that much to save when I was younger.

DB and SIL have mostly wiped out their significant savings due to buying a house last year. Knowing SIL she’ll be saving soon which is good.

Yet another goadey MN post - so boring!

When DH was growing up my MIL was very much a my money is my money person.She had a substantial inheritance & if ever there was an argument with my FIL it was always a case of I'm taking my money & leaving. My DH hated it & felt she used it like a weapon. He swore when we got married it would always be 'our' money & to this day thats exactly how it is including his now shared inheritance from the sale of their house. I'm fortunate that I have never for a second doubted my marriage would last & would hate to live with the thought in my head. A separate marriage failure account wouldn't work for either of us.

Lol x
Tell us another funny?

I think it’s been made clear that the figure you touted isn’t appropriate for everyone. It might be better framed as ‘in partnership, both partners should have equal savings in their own names, alongside any joint savings’. Which would be fair.

But more importantly, women should carefully consider their choices around childrearing and ensure they maintain their earning capacity once they have children. It’s the old ‘give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach them to fish and they’ll never be hungry’. Savings will only last a short time, it’s having the capacity to build and maintain a good life on your own if needed that matters most.

Great! I’ll send you my PayPal link, ping it over to me.

I’m a lot more financially comfortable now and I don’t disagree that spare money gives you choices. I do have some spare money, and that’s 99% down to dumb luck (the 1% is that when I was boracic, I did live roughly within my means and did my utmost to work as much as I could. But if I’d become disabled like my Dh, that would have stymied that one).

😆😆

My DH and I share everything including pension lump sums and inheritance. I don’t feel the need for a separate escape fund. As others have said it’s also just not doable for many people.

What about if COL goes up and your salary increases doesn’t? Do you dip into savings as well as make savings? Because we all know you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. I know a woman who has her own business, she was diagnosed with cancer last year but is in remission, however she’s going through litigation through a bitter ex employee which is costing her company dearly. She probably has savings but… and her DH works for his dad who’s a famous artist. But not paid well.

Perhaps a better point would be that everyone's financial knowledge should be better and clarity from day one as to how finances in a household will be handled. Never have all your eggs in one basket and know your rights.

I agree you should not need an escape fund. Savings on the other hand for both of you are important.

This

I’m glad you posted that, saved me trying to explain that a percentage of men would be advised the same. But I think it’s unrealistic for anyone to have that level of savings if they are the lower earner or SAHP.

I think every man and woman should have their own separate bank account and income.

They should also both have a savings account and the other person should not know how much is in there.

However, £20k is completely unrealistic.
The majority of people would never be able to save that in their lifetime.

If I could save £20k I’d have a deposit for a house already.

I think women often allow themselves to be put at a disadvantage by having shared accounts and not having their own income.
They’re happy to not work for years and use their DHs money but then they become stuck and then struggle to leave.

I see what you’re saying and agree but think £20k is unrealistic.

Some savings are better than nothing and if you can’t save much, then having an emergency credit card is a good idea too.

Personal financial security is a great idea. The problem is that those most in need of it probably have least chance of achieving it, either because they don't have spare cash to save or they're in a financially controlled relationship. Or both. If you're married assets are shared. Ideally everyone would have a 3/6 month cushion but savings affect access to Universal Credit. Also, if you've any awareness of economics, you will know that lower income households spend a greater proportion of their income on basics - housing, fuel, food. Savings are a luxury and well down the list of priorities.

As an ideal I don’t think it is unreasonable at all.

Of course most women can’t have that. But the point is to see having a private savings account, to have ready to use in the case of abuse, say, as being at least allowable.
(i.e Not the same as being selfish with family money.)

My not rich mil told not rich me I should have this. She called it ‘Running Away Money”. Presumably it was an idea from her own patriarchal era.

Yes, wouldn’t it be lovely. How is it possible for all women?!

I think you would be surprised at how many people don't have £20K to put in their pot though, guessing you've never met anyone claiming benefits or using the local food bank.

i do always wonder on the escape fund idea, how do they get hidden? When applying for a mortgage or rent you literally have to share and there are credit reports on all accounts.

Makes sense. I have this but took years and years to save it up.

Presumably, if you are disabled you will be able to claim PIP and other benefits?

I agree.
Shall I give you my PayPal details? Cheers.

I agree with you that financial independence is important.

Another wealth “tone deaf” post.
Yes, in an ideal world everyone would have access to an emergency 20,000 in the real world, well it’s a dream for many.

But this is how people get into trouble.

Why don’t you have your own accounts?

What if DH runs off with another woman?
What if he has a MH breakdown and believes you’re the devil and runs off with all of the money or becomes violent?

Everyone thinks that they don’t need separate accounts, until they do.

No one gets married thinking that they need an escape plan but look how many do.