AIBU to stop walks if my toddler refuses to walk?

[motherofakoalaboy]

So DS 23 months has been doing so well on his walks until recently. he went from being happy to walk for 80% of the walk before to now demanding DH pick him up after three steps. He wants to go out and brings his shoes to let us know but then refuses to actually walk. Like he will have an absolute melt down kicking and screaming. He was the same in the park. He won’t stop walking at home so i know his legs are not in pain or anything and his shoes are comfortable that is not the issue. we started to add an extra layer under his top thinking maybe he is cold but that has no helped either. DH thinks we need to basically set the boundary if he does not walk then no walk he is not going to be carried around but am trying to think if there is anything I can do to help the situation. I thought of going along with push chair or trike but that does not really help with the walk refusal. Would it help if i still went along to like break the pattern. Really struggling with what to do. DS can be very stubborn until he gets his way. It took us a full day of it’s this bottle or no milk when we had to change the bottles as he was biting through the baby ones

My son just turned 3 and still does this. He is ND though and non verbal so I don’t know if that plays a part. He feels comfortable in his pram so I’ll continue to use it…no point stressing him or me out when he will have a run around once we get to the park or wherever we are going 🤷‍♀️

There is nothing wrong with staying home. My 3 yo often requests 'a chill day at home' when I want to have a day out on the weekend — from her pov she has been out and about all week at her grandparents, nursery, swimming, gymnastics — come Saturday, she just wants to play with her own toys in a safe space with her parents near by. Yes, there are times when she has to come out shopping, or for a walk or with her sibling to whatever activity, but I do also try to give her the weekend downtime she is asking for because she seems to need that. Her sister was the opposite, wanting to constantly be out and doing things all day eveday and unable to play calmly indoors - again, we tended to give her what she needed which was to burn off energy and then she could relax a little bit more easily and night time routine was easier. Kids are not cookie cutters who do want we want or imagine they will want, they are developing people with individual needs and you have to try to understand your own child and not layer on expectations of your own or other people's. Otherwise it will be constant tantrums and battle mode and they will never learn how to self-regulate. As parents we have to help our kids understands themselves, which means we need to put an effort into understanding them first.

He's under two years old. Take the pushchair, plonk him in it. Strap him in and off you go. Carry on with your day. I have four DC and with multiple DC you just get on with stuff. This isn't worth getting upset over. Save it for the more serious stuff when he's older.

What?? We still bring a buggy for our almost 3 year old. If she doesn't want to walk, she sits in it. Admittedly, she is hyper mobile, walked late and tires more easily than the average child but still...

does he not even walk around his home @motherofakoalaboy?

Well you can't have got far from the house in half a minute.

I would just pick him up and head straight home, telling him the whole way that we are going home because he won't walk.

In that him being in the push chair is still not him walking. He is still essentially getting his way by not needing to walk

So you are making this into a battle of the the wills about who is going to win. Absolutely pathetic!
You are just being silly by refusing to take a buggy, balance bike, whatever to make it easier for you both. He is not going to be like this for ever and in a couple of months it will be a different story.

Yeah you don't have to carry him. I refused to give in and constantly carry mine

Little legs get tired, they need a break! Pick him up, carry him, then put him down to continue a walk. It's no biggie, He's only nearly two. Don't pick a battle when there really isn't one.

You're bonkers to make the food shop into a family event, it's a one person only activity.

He's not yet 2, reset your expectations a bit.

I wouldn't be carrying him everywhere though, if he kicks off it's buggy only. Strap him in and carry on.

He’s a tiny child. What’s wrong with taking a pram?! You sound so annoyed about such normal toddler behaviour. My husband still carries our 4-year-old quite a lot. But a 2yo is just a no-brainer – take the pram!

Which is the best way to do it. In reality I also hate supermarkets and online shopping was my nirvana.

Honestly nothing you describe is at all unusual and you will stress yourselves to death if you are looking for uniform progress in all areas in a two year old. They have bouts of regression, bouts of tiredness, bouts of rapid change. There are no “shoulds” at this age, just roll with the changes. The only behaviours we really reinforced were manners and consideration toward others but even this is difficult for a two year old to understand. Be tolerant but just remind him rather than stressing about it.

If he is still demanding to be carried at 8 it might be an issue, at 13 carrying would be the only way to get him out for a walk (as per the other thread :)).

I had to do this with two of my kids. They soon got the idea if they refused to walk they got put in the pushchair. Its not giving in its setting a boundary that you wont be carrying him. Maybe put reigns on him to and tell him he is taking mummy or daddy for a walk and lots of praise for how good at walking he is

I just give options. Walk or go in the pushchair/ trike.

He’s still very small to be expected to walk huge distances. I would just take his pushchair and be prepared to alternate walking and riding. At his age they’ll be times he doesn’t want to go in that either, and that will be his incentive to walk!

I don’t understand what the issue is. He doesn’t want to walk even a few steps. So what, put him in the pram? He’s not still going to be refusing to walk when he’s 15 is he?
it’s not a big deal it’s just a phase he’ll soon be bored of the pram asking to walk again 🤷‍♀️

I agree with not carrying him, as that's not great for anyone's back, but at 23 months it's not necessary that he walks everywhere, even if he can? As others have said, take the pushchair or trike and he can dip in and out. Why the insistence on just walking? It will just turn it into something he doesn't want to do because of all the fuss about it. My 15 year old son is very athletic and plays several sports. At that age I always took the pushchair and we varied between walking, having a break or running around the park and playground and then sitting in the pushchair on the way back. It really doesn't matter.

like others have suggested, it is important to say what you mean and mean what you say. For example: “You can walk or go in the buggy” & make no issue of the choice. To build up the walking distance if you want to, make it fun. We are going to post a letter, do you want to walk or in the buggy then let them hold it post it & then buggy or walk on way back. So journeys have a purpose, jumping in puddles, we have a walk called bubble hill as we used to take bubbles with us to make walks more fun - but at 2 they would be in a carrier or buggy.

Food shopping sounds a challenge, again build it up, visual list with simple things they go and get with one of you while the other is doing the items you need or do online shopping!

take the pressure away.

He’s very young to walk everywhere without taking the pushchair with you. Take a step back and let him choose whether to walk or be in the buggy.

I agree with the majority re bringing a pushchair. He's still very young. Maybe start him off in the pushchair, and then he might want to walk later. Forcing him to walk will turn it into a trauma for him.

You need to pick your battles, it's a long road to 18.

My DD was a little tearaway & ran everywhere at speed the moment she learned what legs were for. DS refused to walk anywhere as a toddler. I remember hiding behind a tree in St. James park in London so that I could laugh at the altercation between him & DH because he refused to walk or go in his back carrier.

Not going to lie, we did resort to jelly baby bribery on a number of occasions when we really did need him to use his own legs. One jelly baby powered him for a good 15 mins.

He's only little for every step you or your husband take he's taking 3 or 4 steps

Maybe give him something to do on said walk like a treasure hunt or encourage him and play while walking

A general dull stroll isn't that fun for tiny humans

Who's the adult here ?? You are making a rod for your own back bowing down to every demand

Love to know how two young adults are financially comfortable enough to be home all day and cuddle a demanding toddler
Id be desperate to go to work to avoid the stress

I know you won't think it now OP, but you'll miss these times when you can scoop them up for a cuddle, they morph in to teenagers that barely acknowledge your existence sometimes! I know it's hard but don't rush the little years...

He does not need to! Pop him in the pushchair. Take him out when he gets to the swings and slides, he will do plenty of walking while he plays.