AIBU to stop walks if my toddler refuses to walk?

[motherofakoalaboy]

So DS 23 months has been doing so well on his walks until recently. he went from being happy to walk for 80% of the walk before to now demanding DH pick him up after three steps. He wants to go out and brings his shoes to let us know but then refuses to actually walk. Like he will have an absolute melt down kicking and screaming. He was the same in the park. He won’t stop walking at home so i know his legs are not in pain or anything and his shoes are comfortable that is not the issue. we started to add an extra layer under his top thinking maybe he is cold but that has no helped either. DH thinks we need to basically set the boundary if he does not walk then no walk he is not going to be carried around but am trying to think if there is anything I can do to help the situation. I thought of going along with push chair or trike but that does not really help with the walk refusal. Would it help if i still went along to like break the pattern. Really struggling with what to do. DS can be very stubborn until he gets his way. It took us a full day of it’s this bottle or no milk when we had to change the bottles as he was biting through the baby ones

I agree. Don’t be mean to him let him go in the buggy and he can get out for a little toddle when he’s ready or when you reach your destination’

his imagine will be developing so he might be a bit more scared of strangers or dogs or cars than he used to be too

Cut the kid some slack he isn't even 2...... and also likely going through a big growth spurt which can affect their energy levels. Could be some personality building too involved but I wouldn't be forcing a less than 2 year old to walk everywhere. Take the pushchair/trike and see how he gets on..... do you use reigns for him whilst out walking now? Or are you simply hand holding? I ask because an adult stride is much bigger than a toddlers and he might be uncomfortable hand holding and feeling like he is being "dragged"....?

Op, your concern is very valid.

It would be awful when your son becomes a teenager and still expects to be carried everywhere.

Exactly. There's a time and a place for negotiating and putting boundaries in place with a toddler.

Danger etc being a crime example... If you don't hold my hand crossing the road, we can't go to X place because it's dangerous.

But if you don't walk anywhere and everywhere and want to be held by your parent then we will never leave the house again..... is extreme and just bonkers IMO

And I say this as an exhausted 3rd trimester pregnant toddler mom 😂 There are battles I choose not to have because really who bloody wins?

He is a toddler wtaf

See I wouldn't let him be carried but I would take the pram or trike. The boundary is no carries, not you must walk.

Why the ever-loving hell are you treating your child - one I assume you both wanted - like the enemy? He's not even 2. You - and more importantly, he - will have an utterly MISERABLE path to adulthood if you treat every single thing like a battle of wills, that you have to 'win'.

What you are doing isn't good parenting. You're exerting the full weight of your authority on a child that isn't in any way emotionally equipped to understand why, or deal with it. Extremely poor parenting/bordering on abuse if this style is exercised across all aspects of his life, at his age. Withdrawing his milk for a day was also a fucking dick move, at his age.

Kids refusing to walk is a thing. He won't be the first, he won't be the last. It's a phase. Take the scooter. You're not letting him get his 'way'. He doesn't have the cognitive function yet to 'win' in that way. He can walk or be pushed in his pushchair. That's the boundary. Not, we never leave the house again. Seriously. Can you not see that?

Just take the pram or the trike. When he wants to walk he walks, when he doesn't he sits in the pram. They all get there eventually, no need to make a misery out of it.

Is he different depending on whether it is just you, just DH or both of you?

Honestly nobody wins an argument with a two year old - you have to arrange as best you can to avoid the argument. If you need or want to go out then take the pushchair. He sits in it or he walks. If you don’t need to go out and he won’t walk then “ok lets go home and do $OTHER_THING"

If the carry demands are only for one parent then its a bit of attention seeking from that parent - does it really cause an issue? And then being carried is fun - I can still remember being a small child on my dad’s shoulders and it was simply a lot more fun than being at pavement level. Its not a bad habit or defiance to enjoy sitting on a parent’s shoulders. As he gets older its easier to say “walk to the woods, shoulders on the way back” but at two this sort of delayed gratification is hard to understand.

Mainly though, arguments with two year olds are best avoided entirely.

OP, you are making this a big deal. As others have said, buggy or walking. He's old enough to learn to recognise the words buggy and walk. If you take a ball to the park, he will have a reason to be on his feet.

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

Get him a scooter. But tbh he is not even 2 yet, at this age they do wax and wane about walking and you are probably making life unecessarily hard for yourself refusing to go anywhere if he won't walk, people have carried children this age (or used pushchairs etc) since time immemorial.

This is exactly right- don't sacrifice your back, you don't have to.

I wouldn't stop them doing wha they want but maybe put a bit of effort into understanding why they decided they didn't want to walk, Is it they are tired? Can they not keep up? Is the ground too rough? Did they see a bee? Are their shoes too small? Do they feel scared? Are they bored?

At least that way you have a bit more information and can try and plan for successful walks.

My children were both always asking to be carried but now are very fit teens, scaling mountains and long distance paths. So I really wouldn't worry about it too much!

Also he's too young to fully understand the cause and effect, he will simply refuse to walk and unless you have all day to have a battle of wills and wait for him to get bored of refusing, he will just.... refuse.

I don’t think the carrying thing will last long, let his dad carry him, chat to him, point things out, in a few months he will want to be running all the place. Maybe he wants to be out and about but feels safer in his dad’s arms x

Sounds like a typical toddler. You just need to take the buggy and if he wants carrying then put him in there instead?!

He’s a TODDLER. Progress isn’t linear. Your husband is being a dick and your expectations are unrealistic. Also toddlers are contrary - stop him walking abs he’ll want to!

Crikey, my youngest DS didn’t walk till 21 months! I’d never have expected any of my DC to walk far at that age and always would have had a pushchair with me for when they got tired. I don’t know why you wouldn’t?

I don't think you understand how toddlers mind work though. They aren't rational. People have to unfortunately stop or change what they are doing an awful lot of the time because of toddler tantrums. They call them the terrible 2s but in our case it definitely started a bit earlier than 2.

Your language is very telling that you dont understand child development fully....
"If he feels it is too busy" or "he refuses to want to be at soft play"..... those are all perfectly valid feelings for a toddler.

Do you think perhaps yourself or / and your DH get a bit flustered if he is throwing a tantrum and that can then lead to everyone feeling a big wore out? If you couldn't handle the tantrum 2 months ago alone and had to get your DH to drop everything to come get you both? What tactics do you have to try to distract the child?

He's not even two. Get a decent 3 wheeler buggy and make life nicer for you all. Stop stressing about him being active.

My teen dc's were in the buggy until four and a half. They'd hop in and out all the time. They are active and slim. DS can run 5k in 23 mins, and he's not even a proper runner.

OP, I agree that he should not be able to demand to be carried - but you need to take the buggy!! Both of mine were in the buggy at 3. The choice was - walk, or go in the buggy.

My two are now 25 and 18, both very fit and healthy and active. DS18 is a black belt in his martial art. Both of them are big gym users and both ski. Trying to force your DS at this age to walk a lot is unnecessary. You’re creating a problem here - take the buggy.

I used to take the buggy with us and they would walk next to it on reins. DD used to like pushing her doll in her buggy even more so when ds came along. She liked being like mummy but something for them to push gives them something else to focus on. Start with short walks to a park or shop close by. Then gradually increase to longer walks. Reins are a great help.

But this is entirely appropriate toddler behaviour? Toddlers often get overwhelmed if it is too busy and can also just be bloody minded if it strikes their fancy! This is just how toddlers are! Surely you've heard of the terrible twos? It's quite possibly going to get worse before it gets better. I'm not saying that to be doom and gloom but you need to set reasonable expectations of what isn normal toddler behaviour.

How is stopping the walks going to improve him walking? I you going to try and reason with an under 2 year old and tell him that.

Just take the buggy and let him walk if he wants, don’t worry he’s about the right age to start refusing the buggy anyway!

Pick your battles.