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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop walks if my toddler refuses to walk?

202 replies

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 10:47

So DS 23 months has been doing so well on his walks until recently. he went from being happy to walk for 80% of the walk before to now demanding DH pick him up after three steps. He wants to go out and brings his shoes to let us know but then refuses to actually walk. Like he will have an absolute melt down kicking and screaming. He was the same in the park. He won’t stop walking at home so i know his legs are not in pain or anything and his shoes are comfortable that is not the issue. we started to add an extra layer under his top thinking maybe he is cold but that has no helped either. DH thinks we need to basically set the boundary if he does not walk then no walk he is not going to be carried around but am trying to think if there is anything I can do to help the situation. I thought of going along with push chair or trike but that does not really help with the walk refusal. Would it help if i still went along to like break the pattern. Really struggling with what to do. DS can be very stubborn until he gets his way. It took us a full day of it’s this bottle or no milk when we had to change the bottles as he was biting through the baby ones

OP posts:
Mt563 · 07/04/2026 14:10

he'll be walking again and everywhere soon, are you afraid you'll still be carrying him in 5 years if you give in now?! it's not a bad habit, it's a toddler. they're capricious creatures.

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/04/2026 14:12

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 13:56

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

You're still not understanding are you.

Cuddles/carries indoors at home are not the same, out on the street, at a busy soft play etc, its a busy, overwhelming, high-stress world.

He hasn't the ability to communicate that you have, on any level. He needs to feel secure. The fact he gets plenty of cuddles at home makes absolutely no odds out in the park or at soft play, THAT is where he needs that extra security, the ability to observe from a place of safety.

IdaGlossop · 07/04/2026 14:13

Having re-read this thread, it seems to me that you and your DH need to agree between the two of you what you want to happen and stick with it. At the moment, you are being controlled by a toddler. Having to abort a shopping trip is nonsensical. At this age and until 4, we took the buggy everywhere. If there was a tantrum in a shop ie lying flat on the floor shrieking, one of us calmly took her outside and stood silently on the sidelines until it stopped. Mercifully, that only happened a few times. It's pointless trying to reason with a toddler. That's why you need to know and agree what your rules are.

Attenboroughsmistress · 07/04/2026 14:17

I am pretty sure your son won’t be a 25 year old asking his dad to carry him, just enjoy the moment, everything is a phase, pick him up or take a scooter. One day you will miss your little boy who wanted to be carried.

Soontobesingles · 07/04/2026 14:23

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 13:56

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

I find soft play overwhelming, and I am 42 years old! You need to realise this is a baby and he is acting to get his needs met. If he wants cuddles and reassurance at soft play or in the supermarket, the best thing to do is give them. I'd also try to learn from his behaviour about what he can and cannot tolerate. Some children find supermarkets too stimulating, and so they act out when they are there. This is very normal, and the solution if you are lucky enough to have two of you available, is for one of you to do the shopping without the child. He is too little to regulate himself in an overwhelming space.

Similarly: Don't take him to soft play if he doesn't enjoy it, or take him home when he has had enough — my DD often liked to stay for 15-20 mins and then got grouchy because she was overstimulated, so we went and had lunch or a nap. He may suddenly find he is tired, or hungry or bored, or constipated, or scared by some new thing, and he is too small to manage these feelings and recognise how to cope himself, so he seeks reassurance. If you give him the cuddles he wants and slowly transition to moments where he needs to wait, or not be picked up etc he will find it easier to manage — but you have to do it when he is not tired, or overwhelmed or feeling unwell so you are only asking him to cope/regulate emotionally when he is fully able to do that.

He will grow up and become more capable of coping with overwhelming environments with time and work from you. But your job as a parent is to provide a safe space from which he can slowly venture out and then return when he feels he needs safety again, and this will be a process that happens bit by bit until he is an adult and forms new primary attachments. You are expecting too much of a very small child, he will be learning to regulate himself and his feelings over the next years to come. It will not be linear and you need to not worry if he regresses because this is normal as he develops independence incrementally.

Soontobesingles · 07/04/2026 14:27

I am sure everyone who has had a child has stood at a supermarket checkout trying to pay and pack with a screaming, overtired child kicking off because they don't want to be there. It's normal!

Hhhwgroadk · 07/04/2026 14:27

Too much analysing going on: Take buggy if he doesn't want to walk. DH carries him if DH wants to. Just enjoy the time outdoors.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/04/2026 14:29

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 13:56

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

Honestly this is normal two year old. If he is in a phase of not enjoying soft play then don’t go to soft play. If both of you are at home why take him to the supermarket? I remember having toddlers at just about the time when telephone supermarket orders and then online orders became available - my toddlers never saw a supermarket again until they were much older.

They go through bizarre phases of growth, behaviour, clinginess and independence and at this age its easier to just roll with it most of the time. Progress for a small child is not uniform - it goes back and forth for years and everything you describe is normal. Just try not to make a thing of it and in a couple of months he will probably be militantly walking everywhere and refusing to be carried when tired.

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 14:31

Soontobesingles · 07/04/2026 14:23

I find soft play overwhelming, and I am 42 years old! You need to realise this is a baby and he is acting to get his needs met. If he wants cuddles and reassurance at soft play or in the supermarket, the best thing to do is give them. I'd also try to learn from his behaviour about what he can and cannot tolerate. Some children find supermarkets too stimulating, and so they act out when they are there. This is very normal, and the solution if you are lucky enough to have two of you available, is for one of you to do the shopping without the child. He is too little to regulate himself in an overwhelming space.

Similarly: Don't take him to soft play if he doesn't enjoy it, or take him home when he has had enough — my DD often liked to stay for 15-20 mins and then got grouchy because she was overstimulated, so we went and had lunch or a nap. He may suddenly find he is tired, or hungry or bored, or constipated, or scared by some new thing, and he is too small to manage these feelings and recognise how to cope himself, so he seeks reassurance. If you give him the cuddles he wants and slowly transition to moments where he needs to wait, or not be picked up etc he will find it easier to manage — but you have to do it when he is not tired, or overwhelmed or feeling unwell so you are only asking him to cope/regulate emotionally when he is fully able to do that.

He will grow up and become more capable of coping with overwhelming environments with time and work from you. But your job as a parent is to provide a safe space from which he can slowly venture out and then return when he feels he needs safety again, and this will be a process that happens bit by bit until he is an adult and forms new primary attachments. You are expecting too much of a very small child, he will be learning to regulate himself and his feelings over the next years to come. It will not be linear and you need to not worry if he regresses because this is normal as he develops independence incrementally.

with the food shop we used to do it so that i would be at soft play with DS while DH does the food shop. We are going to try soft play again after the holidays in the early mornings when it is less busy so hopefully that will make things easier. It is just very tough as he wants to be in our arms 24/7 etc but taking all the advice on board

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/04/2026 14:32

He is probably point blank refusing because there is no compromise. Their little legs are not good at walking a distance, it’s different playing around.
Bring a trike or push chair. He can walk half way otherwise he’ll continue to refuse.
No choice of lifting. He walks or gets in buggy.

bridgetreilly · 07/04/2026 14:33

If he refuses to walk, pick him up and take him straight home. If he wants to go out, he has to walk. Obviously at the end of a walk, if he’s tired, he can be picked up. I absolutely wouldn’t take the trike or pram for these walks.

FoxandDuck · 07/04/2026 14:34

He’s not even 2. There’s all sorts of things going on developmentally and sometimes one thing will go a bit backwards or stay the same whilst something else progresses. Plus he’s exploring his personality. I think it’s safe to say that there are no primary age or older children who walked until they were 23 months and then never walked again. Take the pushchair or trike. And if you really need to walk, make a game of it. Can we run with you to the next tree? Or you go ahead and hide behind a lamppost and then jump out & shout “boo”. We went through a phase where I’d throw a stick and DS would run after it barking. Or, depending on the position of the sun, he had to jump on my shadow. There are so many other benefits to being outside that this isn’t a hill to die on

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 14:34

C8H10N4O2 · 07/04/2026 14:29

Honestly this is normal two year old. If he is in a phase of not enjoying soft play then don’t go to soft play. If both of you are at home why take him to the supermarket? I remember having toddlers at just about the time when telephone supermarket orders and then online orders became available - my toddlers never saw a supermarket again until they were much older.

They go through bizarre phases of growth, behaviour, clinginess and independence and at this age its easier to just roll with it most of the time. Progress for a small child is not uniform - it goes back and forth for years and everything you describe is normal. Just try not to make a thing of it and in a couple of months he will probably be militantly walking everywhere and refusing to be carried when tired.

have not dared to do a food shop with him since he was 6 months old as he would kick off every time so i used to either wait the the morrisons cafe for DH to do the food shop or go to soft play and since 2 months just stayed at home with DS while DH does the food shop

OP posts:
Conversationalcheddar · 07/04/2026 14:35

My 4 year old still does this!

Hankunamatata · 07/04/2026 14:36

I didn't carry mine about as toddlers as my back was so bad.
Do what you said buggy or trike but dont carry him. If he screams then let him.

FeelingSadToday1 · 07/04/2026 14:37

Nothing really to add as many posters have nailed it by saying he wants to feel secure.

My 8 year old, who is almost as tall as me, asked for a piggy back today. We were at the hospital as I have a 4 weekly IV treatment. He saw me very poorly last year and finds it’s stressful when I get my treatment. He had to come as it’s half term and I thought it would do him good to see how easy it is. He was fine but wanted the piggy back and to sit on my knee because he wanted comfort when he was initially worried. That’s all your baby wants. Comfort and not to be forced to do something that’s potentially stressful for them.

The walking situation sounds akin to those who ‘sleep train’. It just teaches your kids that they get abandoned when they need you.

Bloozie · 07/04/2026 14:37

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 13:56

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

So what you're now saying is your actual literal baby is going through a stage where he is finding the world overwhelming and feels safer in your arms, but fuck that shit he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet?

Right.

BudgetBuster · 07/04/2026 14:38

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 14:31

with the food shop we used to do it so that i would be at soft play with DS while DH does the food shop. We are going to try soft play again after the holidays in the early mornings when it is less busy so hopefully that will make things easier. It is just very tough as he wants to be in our arms 24/7 etc but taking all the advice on board

Do you think maybe the kid doesn't like softplay...

Trusttheawesome · 07/04/2026 14:38

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 13:56

It seems from this post some people get the impression we are trying to force independence onto a baby. This is absolutely not the case me and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to be at home all day. He is pretty much being carried and cuddled all day. This is not just parks and walks even soft play he will not get out of the koala mode if he feels it is too busy or he refuses to want to be at soft play. Last time two months ago he had such a melt down that we had to leave and DH stopped his food shop early to drive us home as DS was absolutely not having it. If DH is not there to carry him it has to be me. We really thought we made progress last month but it seems are back to square one

Sorry, it seems like you’re saying he did something wrong.

He didn’t. When that happens, you leave soft play. When your kid is already that wound up, you don’t take them shopping after it.

He is communicating the best way he can. But you’re just seeing fault and bad behaviour and him not doing what you envision, instead of seeing way is right in front of your face.

I was a working single parent to a 6 week old and a 2 year old. I managed just fine. You have two adults at a home all the time and you can’t figure out how to read the language of your own toddler? Instead, you’re using words like bad habit, and assigning fault and blame and negative ideas.

Take a parenting class. They are incredibly useful, especially if you struggle to understand the underlying issue for toddler behaviour.

Bloozie · 07/04/2026 14:39

Is there a physical reason you can't carry your under 2-year old when he finds places too busy/noisy/overwhelming? Have you had surgery? Are you very short? Does your partner have a bad back?

Trusttheawesome · 07/04/2026 14:40

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 14:34

have not dared to do a food shop with him since he was 6 months old as he would kick off every time so i used to either wait the the morrisons cafe for DH to do the food shop or go to soft play and since 2 months just stayed at home with DS while DH does the food shop

A food shop when two parents are available and at home is not a family outing. Why on earth were you dragging him along in the first place? There are two of you! Stay at home ffs. A good shop is not a family outing.

It is great fun for kids to help with a little lair when they are 4/5/6. It is not at all fun or necessary for a 1 year old when there are two of you at home.

CurlyGaelicGal · 07/04/2026 14:41

Pick your battles. He’s still really little. Go back to taking the pushchair for now, encourage him to walk for stretches but don’t make a big deal of it if he wants to go back in the pushchair. In a couple of months try reintroducing going on walks without the chair. Not worth a big fight over something he will inevitably grow out of soon, imo.

CremeEggThief · 07/04/2026 14:43

motherofakoalaboy · 07/04/2026 10:51

In that him being in the push chair is still not him walking. He is still essentially getting his way by not needing to walk

He isn't even 2 FGS. 🙄

Bloozie · 07/04/2026 14:45

(Am I the only one wishing they had had more of a non-walking toddler? Those first few months where they'd refuse to go in their pushchair because they wanted to walk, but could only do so with you bent over holding their fingers at a backbreaking angle, followed by them inching along at snailspace stopping and looking at every single dog poo, cigarette butt and weed growing through the pavement? Like yes yes, I am loving your childlike joy and wonder it is very lovely and wholesome but kiddo - your mother needs a wee please shift some BUTT.)

OnGoldenPond · 07/04/2026 14:47

Sounds like he might be after being carried as he likes the attention of that. Take the pushchair and put him straight in that if he won’t walk rather than carrying him. Walking may then seem the more interesting option.