AIBU to stop walks if my toddler refuses to walk?

[motherofakoalaboy]

So DS 23 months has been doing so well on his walks until recently. he went from being happy to walk for 80% of the walk before to now demanding DH pick him up after three steps. He wants to go out and brings his shoes to let us know but then refuses to actually walk. Like he will have an absolute melt down kicking and screaming. He was the same in the park. He won’t stop walking at home so i know his legs are not in pain or anything and his shoes are comfortable that is not the issue. we started to add an extra layer under his top thinking maybe he is cold but that has no helped either. DH thinks we need to basically set the boundary if he does not walk then no walk he is not going to be carried around but am trying to think if there is anything I can do to help the situation. I thought of going along with push chair or trike but that does not really help with the walk refusal. Would it help if i still went along to like break the pattern. Really struggling with what to do. DS can be very stubborn until he gets his way. It took us a full day of it’s this bottle or no milk when we had to change the bottles as he was biting through the baby ones

If the alternative is never taking him out then that sounds like a punishment for everyone. My kid went everywhere on his bike at that stage - one of those ones with no pedals. Pick your battles and let this one go.

Indeed. Mini dictators the lot of them. Next the OP will be saying he threw a tantrum because he asked for (and was given) a sandwich on an orange plate.

And that's ok.

He’s 1. Your expectations are way too high.

Because you are asking too much of him. He is telling you, in his own way, that he can't cope.
A 2 year old shouldn't be forced to do that much walking. Take a buggy or a bike and let him see that he can walk when he wants and ride when he wants. He'll soon revert to wanting to walk a bit. And as he gets older he will walk more.
At the moment you are creating a battle over something that doesn't need to be fought over. Most 2 year olds are not going on walks and walking all the time.
My grandson is 4 now and will walk all day if we take him out. At 2 he was in and out of the buggy. It's normal.

So you switch the carrying for going in the pushchair to break the habit, then gradually encourage him to spend less and less time in it if that's the goal.

TBH, I'm not sure what the long term issue is - just because he has walked that distance before doesn't mean he has to feel like it every day.

So what? You know he can walk, he’s developmentally doing what toddlers do, eg not toddling. Keep taking him out, talk to him about the world, pointing out dogs, and trees and other kids, his curiosity will get the better of him and he’ll be off.

So take the pushchair, don’t mention him walking, stop battling with him. He’ll want to walk at some point I promise.

The problem is you are getting locked ina battle of wills. Totally unproductive and miserable.

Stop getting into grudge matches - stop giving him big reactions.

Tell your husband to get a grip.

Take a pushchair....f ont get into big therapy chats.

If he is walking do incentives and keep it fun
"I'll race you, to the tree"
"What can you see? Can you see the cat?"
"If you walk to the park you can pick a snack from the cafe / you get a fruit roll up / whatever"

Also putting your kid on your shoulders / being up on daddies shoulders is one of life great joys!

He’s a baby take a buggy he will get very tired when you consider he’s probably taking 3steps to each of yours your short walk is massive to him and probably not an enjoyable task.he may also be able to see more when carried so enjoys that possibility. You sound like your being very rigid with him just relax and enjoy life a little he will grow up really quickly.

we have tried the trike when i went along and he was just absolutely screaming blue murder until DH picked him up again

he has not walked a single step to get tried from. he walks half a minute and then is expecting to be carried the rest of the way

The walk has become a battleground. He is 2. You expect him to walk and not want the buggy or be carried.
You are setting assessments and trials. And evaluating too much. Stop.
Just do what is natural. If he doesn’t want to walk let him not walk. He will soon realise it is not a battle and when you get somewhere run around once you stop somewhere.

So take him in the pram? He’s 2, they’re not reasonable, and many wont walk when they’re supposed to.

Both of mine were like that at two, they do grow out of it.

So he likes being in his dad’s arms, what a safe place to be. High up, so he can see better, close to dad, able to chat and point to things. I suggest getting right down on his level and seeing how much fun it is when everything is much bigger than you and you need to take 3 steps at a time just to keep up.

He’ll grown out of needing carried but for now why is it a problem to just pick him up?

OK I agree with you about not giving way to a tantrum so I wouldn't pick him up. But I would take the pushchair along and give him the free choice to walk or go in the pushchair. If he has a tantrum wanting to be carried, wait the tantrum out until he walks or gets in the pushchair.

He’s one love!! One!

Just put him in the buggy for now. The more you dig your heels in, the more he will too.

OP there is no magic solution to this apart from putting him in his pushchair or carrying him. He’s still ONE years old. He doesn’t understand the world like you do and he’s probably confused as to why his main caregivers are trying to force him to do something he very much does not want to do. You need to have more empathy and understanding. Staying at home as a ‘punishment’ is the most pointless thing I’ve ever heard, he is obviously far too young to understand punishments and consequences of this kind and you are all going to suffer for it. My DD was in the pushchair for every trip out at that age, it’s completely normal.

Because he is probably worried about being made to walk a long way that’s too much for him, as you’ve been doing that in the past.

He is trying to tell you that he wants to go outside but doesn’t want to do a long walk that’s too tiring.

You need to show him that you are listening. Which means a good few walks with absolutely no pressure on him. Take the buggy, strap him in and off you go. Make sure you continue to interact with him, sometimes he gets out for a lift up and a play. No pressure on him to do the whole. Once he sees that the pressure is gone, and that it can be fun and that he is allowed to only walk a little bit and play in the park, then he will trust you again and you may get fewer tantrums.

But, he is also a toddler. This is what they do. Your expectations are way too high and your parenting style of “our way or nothing” isn’t going to get you anywhere, not when his issue is about something that you should actually be listening to.

My DS did this. Loved walking from 14m when he started walking until probably around the same age (23m) when he suddenly refused to walk even a tiny amount when out. I thought it was just a phase at first so just took the pushchair for longer walks or carried him for really short ones (by this I even mean he’d refuse to walk say six steps from house to the car). But it continued for ages, until he was 3 and I was pregnant and thought this had to stop. We had 10 minutes of tantruming at the start of a walk but when he realised I wasn’t giving in he started walking and enjoyed it! Been fine since.

Obviously lots you can try to encourage walking - we had a bingo chart of things to cross off once we’d seen them on a walk, making it fun in various ways. But ultimately none of that really helped and we needed a walk with no time limit where we could just sit until he gave in and walked before things changed.

Then I would let him scream. I would stand and calmly repeat trike or walk.

They are pushing boundaries at this age so you don't need to give into their whims and you don't need to carry them everywhere.

My 2 were chunks at this age so no way I worrying them long distances.

But so what?
he wants a carry, he wants a cuddle. Just make the most if it, he won't be 2 wanting carries & cuddles forever. He'll be a teenager before you know it. Truly.

Does DH PUCK HIM UP, carry him, cuddle him in the house much?

if he's getting mire contact & cuddles in the house he'll be less likely to demand picking up outside. They grow out if it anyway.

why are you so determined he walks outside? You seem unusually invested in it.

We used to pick them up and not move and then put them down again. Carrying and walking was never an option.