AIBU to stop walks if my toddler refuses to walk?

[motherofakoalaboy]

So DS 23 months has been doing so well on his walks until recently. he went from being happy to walk for 80% of the walk before to now demanding DH pick him up after three steps. He wants to go out and brings his shoes to let us know but then refuses to actually walk. Like he will have an absolute melt down kicking and screaming. He was the same in the park. He won’t stop walking at home so i know his legs are not in pain or anything and his shoes are comfortable that is not the issue. we started to add an extra layer under his top thinking maybe he is cold but that has no helped either. DH thinks we need to basically set the boundary if he does not walk then no walk he is not going to be carried around but am trying to think if there is anything I can do to help the situation. I thought of going along with push chair or trike but that does not really help with the walk refusal. Would it help if i still went along to like break the pattern. Really struggling with what to do. DS can be very stubborn until he gets his way. It took us a full day of it’s this bottle or no milk when we had to change the bottles as he was biting through the baby ones

Just take the pushchair or a carrier. Sometimes our toddler will walk for miles. Others days he wants to be picked up after a few minutes. I fully expect he will need the pushchair for longer days out until he is at least 3.5 years old.

Reverse physcology works great at that age,

I'd try making a big deal of how much you dont want him to go in the pram or trike...... or bring along one of his stuffed animals, put that in the pram/trike and make a big fuss of it sitting in it 😅

I gave my 5yo a piggyback yesterday because he was tired. You're expecting too much from a toddler - yeah, they can do things but they've got no logic or reason. Just take the buggy, he goes in the buggy. Why make life difficult for yourself.

Does he need to walk? Surely taking a trike or pushchair is the best of both worlds, he walks until he doesn’t want to and then he gets to sit down while you carry on walking. I don’t see an issue 🤷‍♀️ He’s not even two yet, I wouldn’t have even attempted a long walk without a back up option because my kids would have wanted carrying and that would have broken my back!

Stop putting so much pressure on yourselves as a family and on your toddler over this, honestly! He’s so so little he’s not even had his 2nd birthday. It takes so much practice. My twins were 3.5 before we fully stopped taking prams out on walks. It really is ‘baby steps’ - even if he has a few steps out; that’s great!! Praise that! Really applaud any walking he does rather than focusing on the punishment if he doesn’t.

My kids are 6 now and great walkers - they did 7 miles in the Lakes recently! - and it’s all about positive encouragement and lots and lots of patience. Try interesting walks - National trusts often have kids trails on in all the holidays. Try a game as you walk - collecting sticks, pebbles etc. Have an ‘adventure walk’ - let’s see how many colours we can see! Etc etc.

He’s not 2! Yes you take a pram and he can use it when he wants. Maybe take a balance bike or scooter too for him to try. Don’t expect him to use them the whole time. He wants to go outside this doesn’t mean he wants to walk the whole way, the two are not the same thing.

For context, my 3y yr old is great, but when she’s walked quite a way she will happily go in the pram.

Toddler carrier or wrap could be your friend here.

He's so teeny, and I don't think this is a battle you need to "win" just yet. I still carry my almost 4 year old all the time and quietly love it (my back doesn't but it won't be forever).

Come on OP he's still so so little, you can't be serious?

What a weird thread. Toddlers get tired, they get growing pains, they have normal refusal on the odd thing. If the kid was over 4 I could be inclined to agree but they’re still small and you’re being a bit strange on this.

My 2 year old went through a few months of this so I just used her trike or kept her in the garden. Why make life unnecessarily hard at such a young age? It’s not like your kids doing it on purpose, they’re only small.

I'm with you OP, if you don't stamp out this habit, he'll be in his thirties and demanding to be carried.

/end sarcasm.

C'mon OP. It's just as likely to be a clingy phase as anything else, my son went through one on holiday, he was uncertain (even if he's previously been fine).

Mine loved a back carry at this age. So cute. What toddler doesn't want to be carried. My last one still loves an occasional buggy ride and she's 6 lol. They get tired. You've got a long way to go op before they don't want this contact. I can confirm the 17 year old no longer needs or wants a carry or a buggy ride 😂

Honestly, in the nicest possible way, I think your expectations are too high for a(n almost) 2 year old. This is very normal behaviour and simply what they do. (I'm a Mum of 3 and my youngest is the same age as yours).

Our "walks" are usually about 1/3 walking, 1/3 being carried (in arms or carrier) or just standing looking at things and 1/3 in the pushchair. It's still great for their development to get out in the fresh and see things, even if they don't actually walk that much.

One additional thought... very little children tend to live in the moment. When your DS passes you his shoes, he might only want to put his shoes on "just because" (i.e. he might not even link shoes to "going for a walk" yet).

Blimey. Why on earth are you doing this to yourselves?!

Toddlers have little legs of course they get tired.

Also you can get little scooters with seats on, those are a fun alternative to walking for little ones!

I'd take him to get his feet measured again to absolutely rule out the shoes being too small for him now.
Other than that, just use the pushchair til he wants to walk again. Toddlers are so contrary and there's no point in in getting into a battle of wills- it'll just make everyone grumpy and bad tempered.

We used a buggy till ours were about 4 and I promise they walk plenty now! The secret to parenting is don't fight the small battles. He doesn't need to walk! You've just decided he should. Change your minds and life will be nicer and I promise he will walk soon enough!

Perhaps he doesn't want to go for a walk in the adult sense; he just wants to go out. Don't make this the hill you die on; he's still very young.

It might be a security thing, he’s anxious/overwhelmed/shy etc. when he’s out?

Toddlers don't usually like "going for walks". Yes, of course they like to be outside, at the park, forest, playgrounds etc. But actually walking? No.

Totally reasonable not to want to carry him around, so he can walk or go in the buggy. Insisting on a not-even-two year old walking is just making life difficult for yourselves.

Dear God. He's one!!!! He will get bored of being in the pram and walk.

This post made me sad. The concept of teaching a 1 year old a lesson by not going outside to the park because they refuse to walk! Read up on child development/watch a video about it. Anything to educate yourselves about why 2 year olds behave the way they do.

Your child will not want to be carried at 15 years old and quite possibly will not want to hangout with their parents who have spent their life always trying to ‘win’ against them.

enjoy the walks you have where you are carrying you child (maybe in a backpack to save your back) so that they can see everything you get to see. Enjoy this age. It is hard work but joyful and goes way too quickly.

Ah pick the poor boy up, he won’t want you to carry him forever! He’s not even two. Definitely take the pushchair. Or a toddler carrier?

All you are achieving here is teaching him that you don't listen, that attempts to communicate concepts he hasn't yet got the words for and cannot explain, will be a horrible frustrating experience.

Going out for a walk is an easy thing for you, with your long legs and your full understanding of the world.

For him its physically hard and mentally overwhelming, its full of potential to be very difficult and hugely outside his control (how far, how long, what pace, where we're going, what there will be on the way).

Take him out - the first sign he doesn't want to walk, before he can pitch a tantrum so he is not practicing pitching a tantrum, swing him up on shoulders, carry on. Occasionally the carrier can pop him down 'Daddy wants a rest now' and stand still for a rest and then ask him if he wants to walk a bit or shoulders again.

If there are a variety of ways he likes to be carried, and he can express a preference, give him that (be carried like a rugby under the arm, astride someones hips, firemans lift, upside down by the ankles, on the shoulders. I particularly liked upside down by the ankles, no I don't know why).

He will grow out of this but he does not currently perceive the world like you do, nor can he communicate the things you can. If every trip out is happy, fun, and he has some simple choices/illusion of control, it'll happen at his pace.

If you persist in every trip out being a massive drama... not so much.

How do you know his shoes are 'comfy' ?