AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

[TWD123]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

Are you planning on getting married?

Not anytime soon!

Why doesn't she just give you the £1000 she's better off to make up the £1000 you are losing?

If she moves in, then you are a proper couple and a blended family and she takes on the necessary financial responsibility of half of all bills, including the children ones.

If are £1000 worse off and she's £1000 better off ,then the total household position hasn't changed. She just needs to put more into the house and children pot

I’m more concerned about the extra outgoings I will have to - such as my child’s hot meals at school, my prescriptions of which I have quite a lot of, my glasses which my prescription changes a couple of times a year and they are quite expensive to buy, my dental care - all which I get help with now but won’t if she actually moves in

This.

This is what they’ll expect you to do. Either it’s all in, a family together, or not. When dh moved in with me 16 years ago we were in the same situation. We pooled all our income and gave ourselves an equal and set amount of spending money. If you don’t want to do this then nope she can’t move in.

Does your partner have a home of their own?

What kind of partner is she of it isn't obvious to her that if she is £1000 a month better off from the move that she needs to give that to you to make up for what you can no longer get in welfare payments?

Is she actually moving in as more of a carer than an emotional partner? That would seem to be the only thing that makes sense, that she thinks she's owed the £1000 for taking on caring duties.

Sounds a bit like you view your partner as an asset rather than a person, and because she doesn't = more ££ for you, she's out!

She is either willing to hand the money over to you, OP, or she is not. Have a conversation with her!

Not at all, I need to put providing for my children first. What kind of person would I be if I put my partner living here over having money for them? I also feel like she hasn’t 100% been honest about her own financial situation

She doesn’t own a home no

She needs to move back out.

Is a partner not meant to enhance your life? There is no point in the OP making things more difficult for herself, especially as she has children.

Even if she says fine, I’ll hand the money over, financially I will be in the same situation but I will have extra outgoings (such as prescriptions, glasses, school meals, dentist fees) that normally I won’t have to pay for so financially I’m not that much better off and will have less support

If you are not ready to pool money, so one’s loss is offset by the other’s gain, you are probably not ready to live together.

She needs to move out and why has she lied to you about her financials?

I think you will still get free school meals unless coming or UC all together as the rule for that changes in September. Can you work or pick up any extra hours if your health allows?

So she needs to pay for prescriptions then etc.

This shows how utterly messed up the welfare state is really. It's supposed to be a safety net when there is no other option, not a choice

Ever since I have known her, she’s always gone on about how she’s hardly got any money left until payday, struggling to afford bills, can’t afford to buy herself new clothes or new shoes so wears them completely out - her last payslip that she showed me was nearly £2800 and she has thousands in a savings account that she showed me too - but she only disclosed this information once she unofficially moved in here so to me that feels quite deceptive

And why would you have less support, unless you mean purely financial, if your partner is living with you and providing practical and emotional support

This.

Probably because OP’s always broke and the partner doesn’t want to be on the line for paying for OP and OP’s children?

Sorry, that should be @Backpain2026 first post;

This shows how utterly messed up the welfare state is really. It's supposed to be a safety net when there is no other option, not a choice.

This!!!!

Thank you, I will double check about the school meals!

Unfortunately there is very little chance of working anytime soon - I have been on sickness for the last few years now and my health is even worse since then