Page 10 | AIBU to ask my partner to move out over benefits?

kkloo · 08/04/2026 20:52

WittyFawn · 08/04/2026 19:44

It does sound like it’s all about the money to you! If your partner is willing to move In and share finances then quite frankly you should do it and save the taxpayer, as for your extra costs, prescriptions get a pre payment certificate only £10 a month for as many scripts as you need. Sorry to be blunt but we as a country are really struggling financially and not a bottomless pit!

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Her partner is terrible with money so doesn't sound like she will support her.
OP needs to think about herself and her kids, not the taxpayer, she needs security which it doesn't sound like she'd have if she was financially dependent on her partner who is terrible with money.

NotPhilippaGeorgiou · 08/04/2026 21:25

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 10:08

Yeah the shift work has a massive impact - early shifts she leaves around 4:30am, I have to get up to chain the door behind her to stop autistic child escaping the house. Late shifts I have to stay awake until she gets back otherwise I would wake up and not go back off again. Night shifts obviously having to keep the house quieter. It’s a small one level house too (not a flat) so all the rooms are next to each other

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This bizarre family dynamics would be a non starter for me.

NotPhilippaGeorgiou · 08/04/2026 21:31

Torchout · 07/04/2026 19:19

What uc refers to as cohabiting isn't as narrow as you seem to believe. You need to ask her to leave as this relationship could count as benefit fraud. She cooks for you= cohabiting, does housework = cohabiting. Signs of a sexual relationship= cohabiting.

I don't think the DWP needs to consider the sexual behavior of the OP and her partner. Use the definition of the word co-habiting from the English dictionary. Co-habiting = living in the same house even when the two "householders" sleep in separate rooms. Technically the benefit fraud started when the OPs partner "moved in".

NotPhilippaGeorgiou · 08/04/2026 21:35

WTAFIsWrongWithPeople · 07/04/2026 11:10

Aren’t you already in breach by having her live there “unofficially”?

This^

SadderbutWiserSpringbok · 08/04/2026 22:56

100% Do what's good for your children. Do not allow your partner to move in.

K2054 · 09/04/2026 00:17

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:38

Even if she says fine, I’ll hand the money over, financially I will be in the same situation but I will have extra outgoings (such as prescriptions, glasses, school meals, dentist fees) that normally I won’t have to pay for so financially I’m not that much better off and will have less support

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It sounds like deep down you have already made your mind up. Be prepared though that this might end your relationship if your partner thought things were moving forward and now they're not. If you want to stay together maybe talk this through with her first.

HortiGal · 09/04/2026 00:29

I wouldn’t have her move in, have you asked why she’s lied about her finances? pleading poverty when she’s anything but, the lies would be enough to tell her to go.

Joystir59 · 09/04/2026 07:17

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 10:08

Yeah the shift work has a massive impact - early shifts she leaves around 4:30am, I have to get up to chain the door behind her to stop autistic child escaping the house. Late shifts I have to stay awake until she gets back otherwise I would wake up and not go back off again. Night shifts obviously having to keep the house quieter. It’s a small one level house too (not a flat) so all the rooms are next to each other

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@TWD123 it sounds as if you would be much happier all round if she didn't move in, so move her out. You are allowed to prioritise your own needs and those of your children.

ThisMellowCat · 09/04/2026 09:05

And this is why the world is a mess and with broken families everywhere, because you get more in benefits, says it all really.
gone are the days of the family unit, bringing kids up in a loving home with both parents contributing, it all comes down which way works better around benefits.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/04/2026 10:02

ThisMellowCat · 09/04/2026 09:05

And this is why the world is a mess and with broken families everywhere, because you get more in benefits, says it all really.
gone are the days of the family unit, bringing kids up in a loving home with both parents contributing, it all comes down which way works better around benefits.

The partner isn’t the kids parent though, and the kids are better off without this partner in their house so far.

BoxingHare · 09/04/2026 10:13

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:41

Ever since I have known her, she’s always gone on about how she’s hardly got any money left until payday, struggling to afford bills, can’t afford to buy herself new clothes or new shoes so wears them completely out - her last payslip that she showed me was nearly £2800 and she has thousands in a savings account that she showed me too - but she only disclosed this information once she unofficially moved in here so to me that feels quite deceptive

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It seems like she's savvy and has moved in because she knows she'll be better off.

Yes, she needs to move back out. Not least because she's pleaded poverty when she's doing well for herself.

usernamealreadytaken · 09/04/2026 12:29

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 10:06

I will lose £1000 in income and then have additional outgoings that I don’t currently have - school meals (although I will double check this), prescriptions (I go through a lot of medication) glasses (I have quite a specific lens which changes around twice a year), dentist fees (I need quite a bit of work doing but currently I don’t have to pay for that, if I did it would be around £3000). Just no financial security in terms of welfare support

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Bloody hell, how much are you currently getting that you'll lose £1000? Any money paid for DC won't change, and if you are on PIP that won't change, surely? You mean your full rent and CT won't be covered?

Viviennemary · 09/04/2026 15:51

If you are going to lose a lot of money then she can't live with you. You are losing money because it's assumed her money will make up for the benefits you lose. It probably won't but I suppose that's the reason behind it.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 15:56

TWD123 · 07/04/2026 09:23

I have been with my partner for around 2 years. I have health issues which I have been quite unwell with since January. Around 2-3 weeks ago, my partner unofficially moved in here to help me out, I say unofficially because she doesn’t contribute to the bills at the moment because that would mean her legally living here in the eyes of UC. It was a 2-3 week trial run until I was back on my feet a bit more to decide what to do next.

We have started going through benefit calculations to see how it would all work with her officially moving in. Now, I was always under the impression that she doesn’t earn very much, living on the breadline - because that’s what she has always told me - now it transpires that she earns a lot more than she said and also has quite a bit in savings.

This means that I would be losing around £1000 a month, having to pay for school meals/prescriptions/dental care/etc whilst she would be around £1000 better off because my house bills aren’t as much as hers.

She is going to have to move straight back out isn’t she?

I hate to make it all about money but my income resources are pretty limited due to being too unwell to work and I have children - one that is autistic - to provide for…

The fact that she moved in with you should have meant that you made a joint claim for UC- its not about bills. It's the fact you are living together as a couple

You seem to have already made the decision anyway but she will need to move out - or you'll need to tell the dwp that she's living with you

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 15:56

Viviennemary · 09/04/2026 15:51

If you are going to lose a lot of money then she can't live with you. You are losing money because it's assumed her money will make up for the benefits you lose. It probably won't but I suppose that's the reason behind it.

Well yes. The dwp treat their income as a couples.

ProudCat · 09/04/2026 16:05

Imdunfer · 07/04/2026 09:27

Why doesn't she just give you the £1000 she's better off to make up the £1000 you are losing?

Because it's better if you and me continue to pay taxes to support.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 16:31

ProudCat · 09/04/2026 16:05

Because it's better if you and me continue to pay taxes to support.

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This isn't a situation where they've deliberately stayed apart to keep someone on benefits - they've only been together two years. Couples don't have to live together

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 16:36

ThisMellowCat · 09/04/2026 09:05

And this is why the world is a mess and with broken families everywhere, because you get more in benefits, says it all really.
gone are the days of the family unit, bringing kids up in a loving home with both parents contributing, it all comes down which way works better around benefits.

I personally know very few people who live apart to maximise benefits - in fact I don't know any. If a couple do live apart and claim they are not a couple when they are the dwp can go through their finances and they can be prosecuted if they've given false information.

I grew up in a single parent family. It had nothing to do with benefits

Boomer55 · 09/04/2026 16:44

GrrrrEnergy · 07/04/2026 09:35

Sounds a bit like you view your partner as an asset rather than a person, and because she doesn't = more ££ for you, she's out!

She should pay her way. 🤷‍♀️

QuintadosMalvados · 09/04/2026 16:51

Clearly the OP needs to get her partner to move out ASAP.
Maybe if she's not been there long she could say she was just visiting and get away with it.
Too much disruption for the children.
Just live apart.

The OP is not in an ideal situation but the partner moving in would be more disruptive to the children's lives and, let's face it, most cohabiting relationships end badly.

I also highly disagree that they should live together just because they're in a romantic relationship to save taxpayers' money. Like what? A shotgun wedding? Lol.
God no.
You lot would have had me as a recently qualified professional in my twenties moving in with my (then) deadbeat boyfriend so the state didn't have to support him thereby meaning that I would not have met the stable hard-working dh I now have.
Feck off. 😁

Newyearawaits · 09/04/2026 17:27

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 16:36

I personally know very few people who live apart to maximise benefits - in fact I don't know any. If a couple do live apart and claim they are not a couple when they are the dwp can go through their finances and they can be prosecuted if they've given false information.

I grew up in a single parent family. It had nothing to do with benefits

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I know several people who live with their partner (unofficially) whilst claiming to be a non working or part time worker as a single parent and claiming benefits as such.
In these situations, those people are better off financially than those who work full time to support their family.
Very unfair and very common.
I was a single parent who worked full time to support my son, he was my responsibility.

XenoBitch · 09/04/2026 17:31

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 16:36

I personally know very few people who live apart to maximise benefits - in fact I don't know any. If a couple do live apart and claim they are not a couple when they are the dwp can go through their finances and they can be prosecuted if they've given false information.

I grew up in a single parent family. It had nothing to do with benefits

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If a couple do live apart, and run separate households then they are not doing anything wrong.
In the eyes of the DWP, you are a couple if you live in the same household.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 17:33

Newyearawaits · 09/04/2026 17:27

I know several people who live with their partner (unofficially) whilst claiming to be a non working or part time worker as a single parent and claiming benefits as such.
In these situations, those people are better off financially than those who work full time to support their family.
Very unfair and very common.
I was a single parent who worked full time to support my son, he was my responsibility.

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They are risking prosecution - particularly as the dwp are currently doing spot checks of peoples bank accounts. You also have the right to report them.

It's not common in people I know but of course benefit fraud does go on. I only know of one person who committed fraud by conning people out of 10k and continuing to claim benefits. Most people on benefits I know are honest.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 17:37

XenoBitch · 09/04/2026 17:31

If a couple do live apart, and run separate households then they are not doing anything wrong.
In the eyes of the DWP, you are a couple if you live in the same household.

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No. But some people make separate claims claiming to be single when they aren't. There's probably a grey area somewhere -people who have chosen to ask their partner to leave so they get more benefits when they are still a couple. I do understand the dwp definition - I still think it's questionable - but probably not entirely their fault

XenoBitch · 09/04/2026 17:43

SpryTaupeTurtle · 09/04/2026 17:37

No. But some people make separate claims claiming to be single when they aren't. There's probably a grey area somewhere -people who have chosen to ask their partner to leave so they get more benefits when they are still a couple. I do understand the dwp definition - I still think it's questionable - but probably not entirely their fault

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I have known two couples who were prosecuted by the DWP for claiming to live apart when they did not. They were avoiding making a joint claim to maximise benefits
But the DWP does not care if you are a couple who live apart and run separate households. I do not live with my DP. I have never had to declare I have a boyfriend. I would if he lived with me, but he does not.