AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

[Beautifulsiro56]

Males working in my cbildrends nursery- makes me feel so uncomfortable
Why would a male want to work in a nursery? Most nursery abuse cases are men.
Men shouldn't be allowed to work in nurseries? AIBU

Of all of you who say it's not right, how many of you have sons? Of those who do, how many would honestly not be furious if those sons were told that they couldn't pursue a career working with young children because they're probably paedos for even wanting to?

I swear, MN is absolutely batshit sometimes.

So people would move their kids if a nursery worker was a man - but presumably it's fine to leave your child alone with your partner/husband

The biological vested interest that the father has in the child changes the narrative completely
And whilst it’s still not sadly unheard of for the biological father to abuse the child it is relatively rare compared to the stepfather for example who should not be left alone with the kids

A stepfather shouldn't be alone with kids?

I thought a male worker in my children's nursery was a bit odd, couldn't quite put my finger on it but he was well liked by mist. He was married and had a child.
A few years later he was convicted of sexual abuse of vulnerable young boys.

So yes, if something feels off, trust your gut.

Absolutely, all the men I have worked with in early years have been nice but a bit lazy compared to female staff and take on less of the day to day running stuff - but parents all rave about them because they bring their guitar sometimes or run around in the garden 😂

I'm furious with men for carrying out so much sexual abuse against children. I think you're angry at the wrong people.

I have a son. I would trust him around children. However, other people don’t know him and due to the crime statistics of his sex, I wouldn’t expect others to trust their children with him. I wouldn’t be furious, I’d think they’re sensible and doing their best to keep their children safe.

It’s always the same on these threads with certain posters insisting all the men are the best. 🙄

You aren't being unreasonable.

And given the excessively high degree of risk that male nursery workers introduce, and the extremely serious and life-long consequences for children should they be sexually abused, I don't think they should be allowed to work in nurseries.

I think it's very hypocritical that adult women (rightly) don't have to deal with males when they get mammograms and can ask for female doctors/nurses for intimate care, but males are allowed to work intimately with non verbal children despite the massive increase in risk of sexual abuse that they pose, and people are considered unreasonable for thinking that's unacceptable.

To put it plainly, in a way a lot of people won't appreciate, but is factual: Male nursery workers should only be employed if people, for some reason, want their child to be at a much higher statistical risk of being raped. And why would you want your child to be more likely to be raped?

This again? Must be Tuesday.

Tbf, almost every subject comes up again and again on here. Do you say this on all threads?

I feel exactly the same way. And so would my son, frankly.

In the experience of myself and far, far too many of my childhood friends: no.

YABU. Women abuse children too, sadly, not just sexually but in other ways. There have been a spate of news stories recently of female nursery workers who have literally killed a child in their care.

I would have zero issues with a male nursery worker, yes there's the risk of abuse like there is with any nursery worker. I'd love for my kid to have male role models in caring for them tbh so they don't grow up feeling that caring for children is women's work. There are also more children living without a present father than there are kids living without a present mother so I think having that male relationship/role model is beautiful.

Is it bad this is something that didn’t even cross my mind when my son was in nursery? His keyworker was male, very obviously gay but my son loved him and at the time I thought ahh how nice, a male role model for the kids.

Never once did I think anything untoward of the sort and previous partners are right, where does it end? No schools with male teachers or teaching assistants? No hospital with male nurses or auxillary nurses? I just think you’d make yourself ill with worry if you worry that every male your child comes across, might abuse them when child abuse isn’t limited to male perpetrators. If anything I think abuse from females might happen just as much, if we all think males are more likely to abuse children, then women have the guise of thinking it’s less likely they’d be suspected of abuse

My son does a lot of work with young children. I trust him absolutely. He is incredibly careful to ensure proper safeguarding procedures-and to make sure those procedures are completely transparent. Because he knows he is a statistical risk, and parents worry. And he is not a dick.

Yep. The good men don’t take offence.

Correct

(3) show who? In the sad reality where these jobs are very attractive to predators/paedos who want to gain access to kids, I’d rather not use my own precious children as ideological Guinea pigs to prove some point about gender equality.

You're showing the whole of society - including the tiny little kids who are in the nursery. They don't just exist in suspended isolation, as primitive creatures who are fed and have their nappies changed and nothing much else - every second of their lives, they're learning and absorbing so much.

Nobody ever says that there's no point in adults talking to or reading to little ones, on the grounds that they cannot yet talk or read themselves. We could just wait until such time as they can talk and read on their own... and then be surprised that that time never arrives - as nobody has ever modelled or introduced them to it beforehand in those crucial first years.

We start off with tiny children who only know women as carers - especially those from households where no adult male lives. This cements it even in their young minds that men have no meaningful role in caring for children. Some of them probably find it a shock if they get to primary school and find that there are actually men there in loco parentis.

I wonder if this is a contributory factor in many of the useless men who've always assumed that men are free agents whilst women and children come as one combined package. Women are great for sex, but if the worst comes to the worst and they have babies that you can't be bothered with at any time, you can just leave that mother/child combo and move on to another woman with your time, money and efforts.

Meanwhile, those girls who have also grown up with exclusively (or near enough) females looking after them end up as women who may express horror at the very idea that men could want to work with children and be declaring that there must be something inherently wrong and untrustworthy with all of these men.

Remember: there was a time when nobody - of either sex - could possibly understand why a woman would want to drive, work outside of the home, bother her head with adult financial responsibility, vote etc. Where did they get these preconceptions from, if not from having grown up in a society that instinctively taught them this from a very young age?

By posing the question about make staff members you are questioning the safeguarding of children in the nursery, regardless of whether staff are male or female.

You need to find a setting that you are confident keeps all children safe or keep your child at home.

Out of interest, who decided that they had to 'warn' everybody when he was going to be working there? Was it the nursery management or did the parents demand it? And if the latter, would they do the same if they had racist parents on their books who demanded to be 'warned' every time their child might be cared for by a black or Asian adult worker?

Do they also send out cautionary messages if there's a female worker who covers occasionally, in case the little ones get upset by any carer with whom they aren't familiar?

Do you feel uneasy leaving your children with their father or male relatives?

Presumably you know male relatives very well over a long period of time, have a good idea of their character and previous behaviour, and would trust them before leaving your child with them.

Totally different to leaving them with a stranger who you hope has no criminal record and has had a reference checked by management.

That's awful. I think the cameras should cover every single area and can't be manipulated by staff.

You'd hope they'd be a deterrent. But at least I guess it means they can gather evidence. But obviously if the cameras aren't actively monitored then it's too late as the abuse has already happened.