AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

[Beautifulsiro56]

Males working in my cbildrends nursery- makes me feel so uncomfortable
Why would a male want to work in a nursery? Most nursery abuse cases are men.
Men shouldn't be allowed to work in nurseries? AIBU

Yep. Male midwives and gynaecologists also bother me.

Nursery workers less so. They want to work with children. Midwives and gynaecologists want to work with women's intimate parts.
I do think safeguarding in many nurseries and schools is not strong enough though.

This mindset that all males are predators and not to be trusted is very worrying.

Many on mumsnet will have male progeny - how does it feel to know that the men they will become might be regarded in this way?

I have teenage GSs - they are delight - decent kind young men. That others might feel they are a danger to children appals me.

Badly behaved men make the news - the vast majority of decent people just get on with being decent and never make the headlines.

Yes they should be in nurseries and also in primary schools. Many boys struggle with primary and need to have male role models who "get" them and understand their need to learn in a different way to girls.

That’s a huge part of the problem, the safeguarding part and it’s what the focus should be on, rather than individual cases or male vs female (that can be tackled afterwards if there’s still a need). A setting where a female worker can suffocate a toddler (or other things that have been in the news), is also a setting where a male worker can sexually abuse said toddler.

Well it would be lovely not to have to worry about the dangers posed by men but wishing something doesn’t make it true.

It’s a fact that paedophiles are overwhelmingly male, that paedophiles seek opportunities to access small children, and that there have been several reported instances of male nursery workers sexually assaulting children (likely to be the tip of the iceberg).

You can’t eliminate every risk to your child but avoiding a childcare setting with male staff is a completely legitimate choice to make in the circumstances.

Why would a male want to work in a nursery?

Why does a female want to work in a nursery?

Why don't you know men personally who are in caregiving roles?

We loved the male staff when the children were in creche.

Tehy bring a dfferent dynamic to the class especially for my boys who were much more rough and tumble then other kids.

It was fanastic for the kids who didnt have present fathers/male role models.

If we are going down the route of no men in caring roles - we need to remove them from nursing homes/hospics/hospitals etc.

I have worked in a playgroup with a male worker. He was lovely and was actually dad to 3 children including a little girl in our group.
Our system for nappies etc was set up so other staff could always see what was going on so children were kept safe from any member of staff that might want to hurt them.
I have wondered what the set up is in some nurseries that other staff don't spot trouble, I think this is more of a problem.

My children were lucky enough to have male nursery workers and teachers at primary school. I think men have to work so much harder to prove themselves as carers for children and the ones we had were wonderful. My brother is a primary teacher and loves his job and the children in his classes are very lucky to have him.

Sure but this has nothing to do with primary school teachers. It’s a completely different context and completely irrelevant to the thread.

Men in care type environments and settings usually climb the ranks pretty quickly and are off the floor so to speak at lightning speed so you don’t need to worry too much
They won’t actually physically be doing any of the job for very long they’ll be bossing women around as is the natural circle of life apparently no matter which industry

It is different though as all adults inevitably provide personal care in Nursery settings.

I have taught in school Nurseries (so children are 3+) and I once had a male year group partner. He was very uncomfortable having been moved over from Y5, and always asked for a woman to be a second pair of eyes when he provided personal care to cover himself. I felt bad that he felt that way, but also understood he couldn’t take the risk. He was absolutely fabulous as a teacher in Nursery and his class were lucky to have him.

However, I do understand OP’s unease and I think it’s because we view women as natural caregivers and I think it probably accounts for some of the developmental differences between boys and girls. Girls (usually) spend their early years with women as their primary caregivers, seeing their older selves all day long. Boys (usually) will only fleetingly see their fathers in the mornings, evenings and weekend. They will be exposed to their mother, her friends or Nursery based female caregivers all day long. It must be weird for them!

What about male paediatricians? Male neonatologists? Do they bother you?

It's more of a risk in nurseries if the children can't speak yet.

I think the answer is that all nurseries should have CCTV in all areas.

I don't trust men working around children, full stop. I used to think differently, but it's clear that they cannot be trusted. Yes, there are also problematic women, but problematic men far outnumber them.

they know where the cameras are though I remember picking my youngest up and being told that I could go and breastfeed her on that chair because the cameras weren’t pointed at it
The camera should be rotated daily if not hourly so they never know where those cameras are

Ive heard that men go into obs and gynae because it is one of the few fields where you do surgery without having to be a surgeon. I dont know how true that is.

That sounds about right you get to chop up women’s genitals and you don’t even need to be qualified

How did you get that from my post? It literally has nothing to do with it.

But since you asked,
OH actually used to be the go to babysitter for a family friend. He was very involved with DD as well. My dad did more with me than my mum ever did. My uncle was more engaged and fun when babysitting me than my aunt was. I can keep going. Anecdata is not data.

10 years ago I viewed a nursery round the corner from our house with excellent reviews. There was a young odd looking man who looked unbelievably similar to the guy who was recently convicted - so similar it could realistically be the same person. This was 10 years ago, but he looked young then and now is 30 ish I think, so timeline fits. Anyway, I watched him pick up a toddler girl and take her into the changing room to change her nappy and felt physically sick. There is no way I was sending my daughter there. I walked out and looked at other nurseries further away. Huge no from me, and I don’t care what anyone thinks of me for thinking that.

If you knew lots of men that choose caregiving roles, then it wouldn't be odd to you when a man does.

I think this is a tough one. Whilst I think males in nursery are good role models for children I would also be extremely uneasy for a male to be doing nappy changes on my DC. And then I think a female shouldn’t have to have extra workload due to a male career choice… very tricky. I mean the male could be doing another role eg food prep hand wash toy prep etc whilst nappy changes are happening.

I would be absolutely grilling the nursery in terms of what happens during intimate care and how everyone (male included) are safeguarded. It’s sad but this is the times we live in.

No you need to be qualified, just not as a general surgeon.

Bottom line is, your baby is much more likely to be raped at nursery if they are being cared for by a man.

For some parents, the risk is worth it for the good vibes of men being carers.
For others, the most important thing is their baby not being at risk of sexual abuse.

I love men, but if I'm getting on a train on my own at night and one carriage is just men sitting there, and the other is women - I know which one I'm getting on.

Men make up 2 or 3% of the childcare workforce and 95+% of the workers convicted of child sexual abuse in nurseries.

My children had wonderful male carers at nursery too - a few others mentioned older children so was just agreeing. I personally felt much more comfortable with the nurseries with mixed gender staff and prioritised that when choosing.