AIBU to feel uneasy about male staff in nurseries?

[Beautifulsiro56]

Males working in my cbildrends nursery- makes me feel so uncomfortable
Why would a male want to work in a nursery? Most nursery abuse cases are men.
Men shouldn't be allowed to work in nurseries? AIBU

I have a male family member who used to work with young kids, he’s mature enough to understand that any concern isn’t personal. He reserves any annoyance for the men that commit crimes against children and knows that any parents who feel concerned aren’t saying that they think he, specifically, is a paedophile.

It’s perfectly rational to consider the fact that men, statistically, pose a far higher risk of harm to children than women, particularly sexual harm. It’s also sensible to be aware that jobs that provide access to young, vulnerable children are attractive to bad actors, heightening the risk. That doesn’t mean that every man who wants to work with small children has an ulterior motive, but some of them inevitably will, and parents are sensible to bear that in mind. In my opinion, anyone who isn’t sensitive to that is too immature to be responsible for young children in any event.

Surely a male nursery worker has been verified to a much greater extent than family members have?

Similar to the baby who was smothered in a nursery a couple of years ago, after her death the police came in to review CCTV and ended up convicting another worker of abuse.
It's not possible for someone to be monitoring the CCTV all the time, they just use it to go back and look at for evidence if there has been an incident or accusation.

You think a DBS check is much greater verification than actually knowing someone well and observing their behaviour closely over a long period of time?
The DBS just shows they haven't been caught doing anything.

So you have left them with the people statistically more likely to abuse them.

Your feelings are your feelings if not happy then find a other setting/nursery.

But YABU to suggest all men are banned from nurseries. Would you apply the same to a male paediatric nurse/midwife/NICU nurse?

There is a male nursery worker in DS2s nursery. He's very popular and brilliant at his job as well as being a good role model to young boys that there isn't such a thing as girl job or boy job.

His nursery has safe guarding practices for all staff when it comes to nappy changes and toileting.

DBS checks, plus the safeguarding policies of well-run nurseries.

In Scotland we have a PVG system that updates if someone has a criminal conviction.

I'd love to know if those who think it's absurd for males to be banned from nursery work, also think it's absurd that only females can work as mammographers, and think that males should also be trained as mammographers.

What safeguarding policies are you thinking of?

Yes, that's the same as a DBS check.

I think it's important that children have strong male role models involved in their upbringing. Sadly many children don't

and that is exactly what needs to be the focus. Safeguarding policies in some nurseries clearly need to be vastly improved.

For example, one nursery worker was able to sexually abuse a child in the toilet. Why was he with a child alone in the toilet? Why was he there alone long enough for him to sexually abuse the child?

I've never been in a nursery where staff aren't alone in the toilets.

No it's not. It's different. The PVG updates if someone gets a conviction after they join the scheme

Yeah you're right. If it's not deterring them then it's only useful afterwards.

At the end of the day, as PP said, despite being a tiny percentage of nursery workers, males commit the overwhelming majority of sexual abuse in nurseries.

So if you are in favour of males working in nurseries, you are in favour of your child being more statistically likely to be sexually abused.

Why anyone would choose to raise the risk of their child being sexually violated just so they can be seen to be supportive of random men, I don't know, but there you go. It's virtue signaling to the extreme, I suppose, literally putting their child's well-being on the line to show that they support men. Gross.

But I also don't want Vincent Chan, Jayden McCarthy, Thomas Waller, Nathan Bennett, Joshua Brown, David James or Ashley Griffiths or any men like them to be those strong male role models.

There was a brilliant young chap at the Gdcs’ nursery - they loved him, he had a guitar and did a lot of singalong sessions with them.

Though having said that, I don’t think I’d want a male nursery worker changing nappies or doing any other intimate care, and AFAIK at Gdcs’ nursery this was all done by female staff - he was the sole male.

That's not analogous at all, though. Mammography is an intimate treatment that only concerns female patients. After they have been born, babies can be cared for by any responsible adult.

If babies and toddlers had concerns about their dignity being compromised by somebody changing their nappies or wiping their bottoms, they would feel that same concern with any adult doing it. Do you think it's absurd for female nursery workers to provide intimate care to baby boys?

Precisely!
My son works with very young SEN children. He has an absolute love for his job and the children in his care.
He does not do it because he's a paedophile🙄
Thankfully all of his colleagues and the parents appreciate him for what he is- a dedicated, experienced professional who just happens to be male!!!

It's always a guitar 😂

Sorry, can't clean up after lunch I'm doing a singalong...

No its because pregnancy and reproduction requires specific expertise. Learning the other stuff would be a waste of time when it's all going to change once you start thinking about menstrual cycles, pregnancy, menopause etc. So they learn the medicine and surgery specific to that.

Government documents. Statutory guidance.
Safeguarding policies in schools and colleges must align to KCSiE this.

‘school’ means: all schools whether maintained, non-maintained or independent
schools (including academies, free schools and alternative provision academies),
maintained nursery schools1 and pupil referral units

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

And the Early Years Foundation Stage Framework (statutory guidance) for childminders and another for private, voluntary and independent providers.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/early-years-foundation-stage-framework--2
(Section 3)
These are updated annually with all staff (schools, colleges and early years trained annually. LA checks include safeguarding. Safeguarding is a major factor in OFSTED inspections.

Yes, in fact there's even less reason for mammographers to be female only, as unlike with male nursery workers doing intimate care of non verbal children, mammographers are less like to sexually abuse women.

ETA: Additionally, you say any adult can care for a baby. Well, any adult can perform mammograms.

And if you're willing to ban men from employment based on women's dignity, but not willing to ban them based on the fact that they are massively more likely to sexually abuse and rape children, I think your priorities are a little fucked up.

Is an adult woman's dignity more important to you than a statistically massively heightened risk of a baby or toddler being sexually abused? Gracious.