To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

[lilybit2025]

Am I overreacting here? Please be honest.

We don’t have children, we live together and we’re engaged. We spent Friday with friends and all day together yesterday, so it’s not like we haven’t had time together this weekend, which is partly why I feel like I might not have a leg to stand on.

Today, I was under the impression he was just going for breakfast with the boys, then golf, then a few drinks after, nothing major. That was absolutely fine with me. He left at 10am, golf finished around 4, and now it’s 9pm and he’s still out.

The thing is, he does have a bit of a track record of these things turning into a full-on session. He’ll either come back completely wasted or sometimes not come back at all. So when he says “a few drinks,” it doesn’t always mean that in reality.

I want to be clear I’m not controlling and I’m completely fine with him having time with his friends. I also don’t mind having time to myself. I think what’s annoyed me is that it wasn’t framed as a big day or night out, and it’s Easter Sunday which feels like a bit of a “together” kind of day, even if we don’t have kids.

I’m also conscious that if he is out properly drinking, tomorrow will likely be a write-off with him hungover, even though we had planned to spend the day together.

So am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit put out about this, or do I need to just get over it

Solution: take up golf.

(see my user name)

Isn’t the time to do this is when you no kids and you can stay in bed all the next day

have a day out with your friends tomorrow. Don’t wait around for him with his hangover.

Many years ago I lived with a lovely but occasionally erratic chap. After one too many evenings in which he didn’t make it home before I left for work (we lived in zone 2 so pretty central London, easy to end up crashing elsewhere BUT also easy to get home), I informed him that I was fine with him staying out, but if he didn’t call to let me know he wasn’t dead or arrested, just staying out, I would put all his records out by the bins as I left for work.

reader, I didn’t marry him but he never ever failed to call me after that warning. (There were far too many to do that, but I didn’t tell him I didn’t mean it, it was designed to cut through and it did).

try something along those lines, can’t hurt x a

Let him enjoy himself! I find it so weird women are so controlling. He’s out for a day with his friends. Go
out with yours or your family and let him crack on. You don’t have to be attached at the hip.

In itself I dont him doing anything wrong but if you are not happy why marry him he is showing you who he is so you accept it or not

If you dont want this long term then move on

If you want children, OP, I’d find someone else to have them with.

I think a lot of the "cool" posters must have missed this bit.

@lilybit2025 are you sure you want to marry him?

People change based on circumstances

Anyone that uses cool as a pejoritive on here can be instantly disregarded. It's not an argument,

Holy fuck. 9pm isn't late. And you didn't have plans.

I wouldn't be able to find it in me to be moody over my husband having a day and evening with his friends.

If someone didn't leave home until 10am, and had said they were meeting friends for breakfast, then playing a round of golf, then going for a few drinks afterward, then I wouldn't expect them back before 9pm, no.

They aren't going to 'tee off' before 12 (? maybe later?). Then 4 hours (?) for a round, then off for drinks, and presumably something to eat.

It's not like you are at home wrangling toddlers and babies. You can relax however it suits you.

however

This
The thing is, he does have a bit of a track record of these things turning into a full-on session. He’ll either come back completely wasted or sometimes not come back at all. So when he says “a few drinks,” it doesn’t always mean that in reality
is a different matter.

I wouldn't stay with an adult who "comes back completely wasted" regularly enough for you to say "he has a track record" . As a teenager, working out their limits, they are on a learning curve, but a 30 year old ? Why would you waste your life with someone like that.

Expectation setting is an important part of all types of relationships. To do that well you both need to have clear conversations about what things mean and what you expect. Eg
not too late means xyz and tomorrow I want us to do xyz so manage tonight with that in mind.

I sometimes I lose track of time but I love my husband and can’t think of anything that makes me happier than spending time with him. When I am out with friends sometimes he has to encourage me to go yet when I am
there, I sometimes slip up. We have worked on this.

OMG. No kids/responsibilities?
Chill the hell out!
You’ve already had most of the weekend together. Let him have fun with his friends without your scowl looming in the background!

Why aren’t you out with your friends too?

“Cool” otherwise known as “someone who has a different view to me about behaviour in relationships”

All the women here saying they'd be fine with this!? It's only fine because it's not happening to them!! .. Its total disrespect, I've been a mug and made excuses for losers.it doesn't get better. Healthy happy relationships do not work this way , you not having kids is not an excuse for his behaviour , you deserve better

So, you would be happy to have a partner who regularly comes back wasted or doesn't come home at all?

Maybe "cool" was the wrong term here. Perhaps I should have said "women with a low bar".

I wouldn't have a problem with DH staying out all day, but I would if he did the above regularly.

Hmm really depends my DH will meet up with his pals for proper catch up 2 or 3 times a year, always claims he will come home early but gets carried away and comes home around 1130, is what it is. However he has never not come home or got home not knowing what planet he was on (both of which would be a real issue for me). For me would really depend on how regular these days are and how much he rips the arse out of it but from what you have said the first time he didn’t come home would be the last for me.

At the age of 30 with no plans? Sure. Thank you for considering you may have used the wrong term however

He has days where he goes golfing and 🍻 ng and doesn't bother coming home.

I wouldn't date someone who does that, much less live with them and plan to marry him. It sounds like he's got an alcohol abuse problem. I grew up with an alcoholic parent, no fucking way would I go anywhere near this.

You are just making things up now.

My dh left on Friday morning and is coming home on Monday evening.
I'm fine with that.
We are adults. He is doing something he loves, that I don't enjoy, and I am having a lovely, lazy weekend relaxing.

Whereas I realise our choices won't be for everyone, I can't get my head round the concept of an adult woman who can't cope with he dh spending one day with his friends, without her.

I still stand by what I said previously about him 'coming home wasted and not able to function the next day' as being deeply unattractive to the point of being not something I would choose to live with. But that is a separate issue from the fact the OP can't entertain herself for a day whilst her dp is with his friends.

When you say he doesn’t come home at all sometimes where is he? Do you trust that he is where he says he is ? Who is he with, are his friends single or do they all treat their partners the same way. At the least he is selfish and shows a lack of respect for you by failing to communicate, coming back wasted or not at all. Men like this don’t change, they find women who will make concessions and manage down their expectations to the point where you tolerate their behaviour. Think carefully about whether you should marry or have kids with him.

Play golf all day with his mates isn't the problem. The drinking is the problem and the inevitable hangover means that tomorrow will be a write-off. so he's spent 2 days out of a 4-day long weekend overdoing the boy fun stuff and recovering .

Boring.

What on earth is this 'cool' thing if a friend tries that on me I would ask them to come back when they have matured a bit, no everyone thinks the same

@2026Y said it best. People here use cool when they can't comprehend people have different opinions to them, slightly pathetic in my view