To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

[lilybit2025]

Am I overreacting here? Please be honest.

We don’t have children, we live together and we’re engaged. We spent Friday with friends and all day together yesterday, so it’s not like we haven’t had time together this weekend, which is partly why I feel like I might not have a leg to stand on.

Today, I was under the impression he was just going for breakfast with the boys, then golf, then a few drinks after, nothing major. That was absolutely fine with me. He left at 10am, golf finished around 4, and now it’s 9pm and he’s still out.

The thing is, he does have a bit of a track record of these things turning into a full-on session. He’ll either come back completely wasted or sometimes not come back at all. So when he says “a few drinks,” it doesn’t always mean that in reality.

I want to be clear I’m not controlling and I’m completely fine with him having time with his friends. I also don’t mind having time to myself. I think what’s annoyed me is that it wasn’t framed as a big day or night out, and it’s Easter Sunday which feels like a bit of a “together” kind of day, even if we don’t have kids.

I’m also conscious that if he is out properly drinking, tomorrow will likely be a write-off with him hungover, even though we had planned to spend the day together.

So am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit put out about this, or do I need to just get over it

Make your own plans for 2moro and think b4 having kids. Hes alllwed to go out but it probably should have been clear about how long so that you dont spend all day waiting. Manage expectations going forward when he goes golfing

^ This.

If you can't trust his word now, when can you? Don't have kids with him as he'll expect you to do it all. He's not exactly long term relationship material either.

For me the big issues are that he rang you at 3 to say he wouldn’t be late and that you already know he will be incapable of doing anything tomorrow due to the hangover.

He doesn’t tell you the truth and he doesn’t care about the impact of his actions on you. I would not marry him.

I had one of these types of bloke once - never changes and always puts this kind of day before you !
If you want to be second best then stay - if not then you need to leave him . He will only get worse if you have kids .

We're all different. I'd be glad of a day to myself.
The question is more if you'd wanted him back at an agreed time, would he be reliable?

And don't expect change. If you don't like it now, you won't like it when you're older or stuck home with children.

This is what pissed me off the most!
3pm your thinking home 6pm latest, can do dinner, chill, wine, whatever but together.
Instead it's 9pm and you have wasted what could have been uninterrupted you time.

Has it been communicated to you 'it's a late one' or just become apparent?

You know he won’t change if and when you have kids so I would run know before you tie yourself to him for the rest of your life your young enough to have time to find some one much better and more worthy of your time and your life.

I'd make your own plans tomorrow,please don't let him ruin your day again.
He does it because you let him. Let him wonder where you are tomorrow.

One day/night drinking with mates out of a 4 day weekend doesn't scream waster or incapable future husband/father to me. The fact he put family first and didn't just start getting wasted on Thursday proves that. He probably feels like he's made everyone happy and now he's having some me time (we all appreciate me time). Drunk people are also terrible at keeping track of time, ending the fun and facing the fuming other half (they would prefer to do that after a sleep). Have a chat tomorrow but I wouldn't over think it. Men, just like women, often do change once kids arrive as do their priorities.

I completely disagree, what exactly is selfish?

Don't marry this guy. You'll become a golf widow. You only have to look at the multiple threads of golfing men who spent their 2 week paternity leaves out golfing with their mates. Then every weekend for at least 6 months of the year out golfing, leaving their wives at home with the children. Utter shitbags.

These golfers make shit husbands and shit fathers.

You need to really think if this is what you want to sign up to. I'd get out now before the lonely and unhappy marriage begins.

But he doesn't have kids right now so this is completely irrelevant.

Rubbish, utter rubbish. Nothing unusual about spending all days with friends apart fromnon here

A) I am always suspicious when people "forget to mention" things

B) I would not classify even now as late

Kind of the opposite here. Just sitting at home, Easter Sunday, post-roast, sitting down munching chocolate. Bedtime soon for DS, I have an early shift tomorrow.

He announces he’s off our to a gig, at 8.30pm. Throws his jacket on, off he goes. He would have an absolute meltdown if I did that… He’ll have DS tomorrow, with a hangover.

Exactly, but people on here just love to throw fire on situations for the hell of it

Unless he told you a time he would be home by then he's enjoying his Bank Holiday Sunday. You're engaged, surely you know his patterns by now or are you being churlish because you didn't make plans for tonight elsewhere? 1am is late, it's nowhere near that.

I think be very careful about having DC.

I'd just go out tomorrow and do something for you. Don't be the lap dog waiting on the doorstep for when he deigns to spend time with you.

I’m sorry but you do sound controlling.

out or the three bank holiday days he has spent 2/3 with you.

Is he only allowed to be out for a set time.

its healthy to spend time apart & see friends & have hobbies. He doesn’t need to be attached to your side 24/7

It sounds like you knew or expected it would/could go this way based on previous times. If you aren’t happy with this happening again you need to either accept it or discuss this. Long term if that is the plan to be together long term you will have to both make compromises to keep each other happy. His behaviour sounds normal for someone without children or restrictions. Do you have a similar amount of freedom?

Because she knows him, she knows he’s unlikely to manage plans with her tomorrow, which is why she’s upset.

op, get up and go on the usual timeline. Do not spend your Easter Sunday waiting for a hungover man who cancelled his plans with you to have drinks.

I assume this is a rarer occurrence and that your husband doesn’t go away for 4 days for his hobby every fortnite, it’s not really like golf where many people play every week and it takes up most of the day or get really drunk or if they even come back at all, like the op’s husband, then the next day is a write off too.
Most people wouldn’t really care too much if their spouse did their hobby for a weekend if it was a one off type of thing and they weren’t left with young children on their own

At 30 I was living with a 28 year old who did drinking benders, smoked weed, did coke and cheated on me (I didn’t know that til we ended though). Luckily I didn’t marry him. He’s now married with 2 kids but I doubt he’s changed. He’d bet on the horses and other sports regularly. Couldn’t cook and mum and sister did his washing and ironing. Into football, drinking.

God only knows why I was with him for 2 years!

But basically as I said before highly unlikely he’ll change now. I could be totally wrong though…

Read my post again

Be cross tomorrow then...