Being fat stopping me from being happy

[SunFunGin48392]

I'm so so so unreasonable but I this is too stupid to say in real life and yet incredibly massive for me. I have a nearly 2 year old DS. I went back to work at 6 month post partum, I'm successful career wise, make good money. DS is thriving. I have a nice house. DH is not the best at doing his share but not the worst. I should be enjoying life and I can’t. All I can think of is how much weight I have put on since I went back to work. I've gone from a size 8 (I lost the baby weight after I had the baby) to a size 14. I have no photos with DS in the last 6 months as I look awful and it's so sad. I'm on the taller size (5'7") so I just look enormous. My skin is awful too.

I'm also extremely sleep deprived. DS still wakes once a night, and more if he is sick. I've made various attempts at diet and exercise but they go out the window when DS gets sick and starts waking 4 times a night.

I work 50 hours a week so there is very, very, very little time to exercise. It can only happen if DS sleeps and my day goes as scheduled.

This Easter weekend I'm so exhausted, I can barely get up from the sofa. I do have some health issues made worse by lack of exercise and being fat so that's not helping.

I feel worthless and completely unlovable.

I haven't seen friends for months and I've backed out of plans with friends tonight for the same reason. I just don't want to be seen by anyone.

Anyone else feel the same and managed to change?

Name changed for this as I know how fucking stupid and embarrassing I am.

At 5’7” and size 14 I was 12 1/2 stone with a BMI of 27. It was overweight for me.

i feel you op, you’ve had some good advice here but be kind to yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first etc

The fella is the problem. If he did his fair share you’d be able to relax more and you’d stop reaching for sweet, calorific foods to keep your energy up.

Oh OP. I really feel for you. I don’t think there are many mums of young children who haven’t at some point felt unhappy with their appearance. I feel hideous myself a lot of the time. Little things like getting a pedicure or new pair of trainers has had a much bigger impact than I expected, but I still feel sad when I look in the mirror. My hope is things will improve as the kids grow.

I get that size 14 isn't too bad. But my friends who are that size or more and look good are actually fabulous. They have really good hair and makeup and clearly put a lot of effort in choosing the right clothes. At a size 6/8, I didn't have to be too careful about tailoring, clothes just looked good, I just bought what was cute!

And it's all gone to the wrong places i.e. my face, neck, my arms and my stomach. I look like a flabby rectangle.

I have no idea where to even start so I just wear jeans and the same oversized shirts with a tank top on repeat. Given I can barely.keep my eyes open on any given day, I don't know where to even start re-hauling my entire wardrobe.

The obvious solution is to lose the weight but it's looking improbable.

You sound really narrow minded. Of course it’s related. Weight gain is directly related to habits surrounding you lifestyle. Tiredness and sleep deprivation can and has shown to be linked to poor eating habits by habits. Focus elsewhere, reaching for sugary food etc. You mean scientifically it’s not physically making her gain the weight - obviously. The factors surrounding this are contributing to it. Just common sense but seeing as you are trying to be rude then perhaps educate yourself.

Having no time to exercise is irrelevant. It's not lack of exercise, it's the food intake.

You can only lose weight in the absence of insulin so you need low carb foods that do not provoke an insulin response. As soon as you drop your insulin in your blood and you have caloric deficit, you will start to burn your stored fat.

Can I ask where everyone who used WLI but aren’t significantly overweight got them from? Surely if OP is 5ft 7 and a 14 it won’t be easy to get them?

Just adding the same experience
Mounjaro = fantastic diet, drawn to salads and vegetables like never before
Hair fabulous
Clothes fabulous
And many people I know in same boat have never been so healthy as on WLI

I truly think this is the solution when a hectic, exhausting schedule leads to sugar craving and subsequent weight gain

Depends on exact weight but I had a BMI over 30 at size 14
Depending on ethnicity the OP may be eligible at a lower BMI that this

Oh I feel for you, I’m about a year ahead of you. I also went up to a size 14 which I know is fine, but my style changed and I really lost my sense of self. You’re still navigating a massive life change and putting others ahead of your own needs. Problem is, things won’t change until you’re ready for it to and it sounds like you’re exhausted and your mental health has taken a battering.
As other posters have said, start small. Find 10 mins a day - I like to use a LED face mask in bed when reading as part of my wind down. When you start to take care of your self in little ways it incentives you to care for yourself in other ways.
it’s not advisable, but I did the Fast 800 to lose my baby weight. It’s extreme but knowing it was for a limited period made it less daunting and helped to embed healthy habits.
when you’re up to it, you can exercise. I use my lunch breaks as much as I can, or will squeeze in a run after nursery drop off or part of my commute home.
Finally, you need to do something about sleep. My DH and I alternate wake ups, so every other night I’ll put my earplugs in and eye mask on so he can take care of things. At weekends, alternate lie ins so you can catch up.

Oh and to add, go see your friends! Having a good giggle and catch up will make you feel so much better, I promise.
Finally, nothing bad with lazy weekends. You work so hard during the week you need to listen to your body. Maybe, if you’re up for it, make a plan to walk to a local playground tomorrow. Fresh air and gentle movement is good for the soul.

Gosh OP. I’m 5 ft7 and size 14. I’ve never felt healthier in my entire life! I can deadlift my body weight and last weekend I moved a massive pallet of compost onto the garden beds unaided.

we’re all so different though and if it doesn’t feel right on you then there’s only one thing for it! Gym and diet. Nothing else for it.

You just leave him with the baby and go to the gym at the weekend. He copes.
You don't get up every time at night. He copes.

You stop eating cake.

I'd be massively unhappy at a size 14.

OP do you work from home at all?
I found an adjustable desk and a walking pad changed my life. I now easily do 20,000 steps a day while working. Slow and steady plod on and off throughout the day when I’m not in external meetings.

I reached 85kg last Oct which meant my BMI was in the obese range. By chance discovered the 'Losing it' podcast by Kylie Pax on Audible. She focusses on mindset. I have since lost 13kg and intend to keep going. Maybe give it a listen to see if it helps. It's free.

Hi OP, firstly sympathies. I think I’m slightly further along than you, but I’ve been exactly where you are.

I have 2DC, one that was a colicky nightmare to
begin with that turned into a reliable sleeper, and a
unicorn baby that then went into a regression that seemingly never ends! I’ve worked out my mood and
health are directly related to sleep.

Pre-kids, I was a size 8-10. Post DC1, I went up to a 12, but post DC2 I went up to a 14-16 and I’ve never felt less like myself.

From the start of the year, I’ve been trying to develop healthier habits. So I restrict alcohol to 3 nights per week and aim to eat more protein and less sugar. I’ve been doing home workouts at least 4x per week. It’s taken months but I’m finally seeing results. I’ve also found that exercising when I’m knackered unexpectedly helps with my energy levels. Also I tend to find it that little bit easier to eat well if I’ve worked out.

All to say, you’re not alone and I think we can get there, bit by bit. It’s actually still v.early days post partum so go easy on yourself.

Being tired drives eating. It’s really hard to eat a balanced modest diet when you dripping with tiredness and your body craves sugar and carbs for quick energy and you want the mood boost.

Well done for your career.

Can you take a mini sabbatical and work 4 days a week for 3 or 6 months? And get a sleep nanny to sort out your 2 yo to sleep through?

You certainly are not worthless etc! You are worth a lot and your health and happiness and wellbeing are valuable!

At that height and weight i bet you look lovely. Im just a wee half inch taller than you and a comfortable size 14 and id say im not fat. ❤️

I have been chronically anaemic for most of my adult life (very heavy periods). At my lowest my ferratin was 2. My GP was surprised I wasn't fainting all the time. I have tried so many different iron pills from the hospital/ health shops - all of them gave me constipation or diarrhoea.

These were a game changer. A GP told me about them when she was about to prescribe me ferrous fumarate (again) and I said I didn't want them. Been taking them for 3+ years. It took 6 months for my iron levels to build up to normal. https://amzn.eu/d/0dC8LTN0

Good luck

I feel for you OP. It’s not that you’re fat. It’s the eroding away of yourself through parenting, sleeplessness, housework and grinding work.
It’s good you’ve posted as this can be seen as a cry for help and demand for change. If you’re a coper it can be so easy to put yourself at the bottom of your list of responsibilities.
Do you have any money you can throw at any of this? Drop some hours? Buy in help?
Time to tell your DH something is going to change and if it’s not him it has to be you. Leave him with your son to go out for something like C25k.
Also think that WLI could be the kick start you need to get out of this feeling. No they don’t make your hair fall out or your bones weak. Not eating well and exercising and getting older does that. They are bloody marvellous if you are overweight enough and can afford it.
At least stopping the sugar crashes will reduce the tiredness in the long run.

Working 50 hours a week, a two year old and a husband not doing his fair share isn’t doable and so you are using sugar to maintain an impossible lifestyle. I’m so sorry but this is too hard on you.

OP I feel for you. In your situation I would
Reduce hours at work
Use that time as much as possible for me..get a hair cut,.skincare, walk etc. if you have your toddler set him up on something like the tv to get time to yourself.
Your dh - is he good in other aspects? My DH is not the best at housework but he gets up with my toddler every night, every morning, does bed time etc so I am happy with the trade.off. could you try something like that
Buy some new clothes for your current body to make you feel better
I am a size 14 since my little one was born but I have come to accept it. I don't want to live in self judgement and in all honesty unless your massive no one cares. So accept.it, buy some clothes to help your self esteem and then work on your diet and or exercise to lose weight in a sustainable way..
Your body is amazing for going through childbirth and you and your body deserve to be treated with kindness..so look after yourself and make the changes you need to if you want to make a change.
Also look in the mirror and look for the good things you see and say then out loud..

Easy wins - cut out all alcohol, it's really bad for sleep.

Cut out any laundry for lazy husband or any domestic tasks that only affect him.

Focus on buying healthy food so what is on hand is lower calorie when you want an easy meal.

You have a child under 2 and work 50 hours a week! Cut your hours until he starts school and you will start to feel better.

I rarely post but I am shocked by how many people saying to get WLI which, at a size 14 and your height (and therefore probably just in the overweight category) is really dangerous.

OP, I've been in your exact shoes. Nightmare sleeper who woke several times a night for years coupled with a high stress long hours job and a husband rarely around to help due to shift work. I put on about 25lbs as I just gave up and felt miserable.

I have started intermittent fasting this year and it's truly changed my life, I have lost 19lbs so far since January and feel so much more like my old self. It takes no time, no money, and no significant overhaul of diet, (no WLI) you just change when you eat not what. Please read a copy of Gin Stephens book Delay Don't Deny, she has had all the same struggles and explains what to do plus the science of why it actually works and is not just another low calorie diet.

Really wishing you the best as it's so tough! Ps my son now sleeps 7-7 at the age of 4 so it DOES get better I promise.