Being fat stopping me from being happy

[SunFunGin48392]

I'm so so so unreasonable but I this is too stupid to say in real life and yet incredibly massive for me. I have a nearly 2 year old DS. I went back to work at 6 month post partum, I'm successful career wise, make good money. DS is thriving. I have a nice house. DH is not the best at doing his share but not the worst. I should be enjoying life and I can’t. All I can think of is how much weight I have put on since I went back to work. I've gone from a size 8 (I lost the baby weight after I had the baby) to a size 14. I have no photos with DS in the last 6 months as I look awful and it's so sad. I'm on the taller size (5'7") so I just look enormous. My skin is awful too.

I'm also extremely sleep deprived. DS still wakes once a night, and more if he is sick. I've made various attempts at diet and exercise but they go out the window when DS gets sick and starts waking 4 times a night.

I work 50 hours a week so there is very, very, very little time to exercise. It can only happen if DS sleeps and my day goes as scheduled.

This Easter weekend I'm so exhausted, I can barely get up from the sofa. I do have some health issues made worse by lack of exercise and being fat so that's not helping.

I feel worthless and completely unlovable.

I haven't seen friends for months and I've backed out of plans with friends tonight for the same reason. I just don't want to be seen by anyone.

Anyone else feel the same and managed to change?

Name changed for this as I know how fucking stupid and embarrassing I am.

Take us through an average day of eating. Don’t hold back. There will be no judgement

First of all, don't even think about diets, exercise and WLI. You're exhausted. That's the first problem to solve.

DH needs to do his fair share and I mean FAIR. Not just the minimum. Maybe also get a cleaner or outsource some other household stuff? That will give you some hours back. Make sure these hours are for YOU.

At the moment you're trying to eat your way out of tiredness (hence the sugar) but it doesn't work. You need to have more rest before you can tackle diet and exercise.

A size 14 is not huge and especially not at your height. I know you are used to being slimmer but try to accept that for now.

As to sleep training, yes, it's how we got him from 5+ wakes a night to 1 or 2! He wakes completely inconsolable, like he's having a bad dream. And it's not a predictable time, it's anywhere between 11pm and 4am. Cosleeping doesn't help, he wakes MORE knowing that I'm there.

He's just very...sensitive. The slightest sniffle and his sleep goes to shit.

And to be fair, I am THE lightest sleeper in the world. He takes after me ununfortunately.

I’m the same height as you op, I’ve never been a size 8, my ‘norm’ is 12 top and 14 bottom but now with a 19m old I’m 16 bottom and 14 top and I feel fairly horrendous. Sorry op, I can’t give you much advice but empathy. I don’t want to do WLI apparently you lose a lot of bone density and other important things… it’s not the wonder drug people seem to think it is, regardless of some weight loss.

It's really difficult when you're not getting enough sleep so I would try to tackle that first. Does your DH help at night? If not, why not? You need to take turns, at the very least, and find somewhere for the other person to get a proper night's rest - ear plugs, separate room, staying with friends or family.

Additionally, make a wee list of things you would like to do and promise to do one a week. It might just be to go for a half hour walk, get your hair cut, meet a friend for coffee. In a few weeks maybe you can do 2 or 3 things off your list. Don't be too ambitious because you'll just be setting yourself up to fail.

Maybe you need to see your GP, in case there is a health issue. Re your weight, I know when I am struggling I just have to make a deliberate effort not to buy the cakes and pastries. If they're in the house I'm hopeless at resisting but I won't go out specially to get some.

I eat too much cake and sugar, daily. Zero exercise.

And even if I start eating healthy, it's not enough. I have to DIET to lose weight. I have to be hungry 24/7 and count every morsel of food to drop the pounds. I've done it before, I know how to diet. And right now, I just don't have that kind of energy.

The 3pm cake and the glass of wine after bedtime are the only enjoyable moments of my day really. Everything else work and chores and toddler.

Size 16 is the UK average so you are being way too harsh on yourself. And at 5ft 7 you aren’t tiny so I bet you don’t look as big as you think at all

I know that weight loss is predominantly achieved through improved diet rather than exercise but I think if you exercised you would automatically improve your diet and hopefully sleep. On days that I exercise I eat and drink far healthier than I do on other days. I don’t want to put junk into my body those days. I think you should force your H to look after his child a couple of evenings a week and one weekend morning so you get to spend it on yourself. We have to live with our bodies for a really long time, it’s important to keep it strong, flexible and healthy.

@Ponoka7

you’re talking rubbish.

’instantly able to change your habits’… as if magically? How about ‘because of a fabulous medication that addresses numerous physical issues and emotional triggers?

OP - sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve used weight loss injections for 18 months and it’s been a game changer for me.

50 hours a week!! Bloody hell why do you have to work so long/much?? Could you not cut back some hours at work? It might mean less money but if it doesn’t mean you’ll lose your house you could just make it work? How did you cope on mat leave financially assuming you took a bit of a pay cut? You could always do more hours when the kids are older and they want you less. That might make you feel a bit better. I do 25 hours at work and I’m still shattered with my 2&4 year old 🤣

Yep - that was me. Losing weight became a full-time job in itself - and I could never keep it up.
Try Mounjaro - it's changed my life.

Try the WeightWatchers app. Lots of things on there with zero points, so plenty of choices for snacks. Good luck!

Be kind to yourself. You’re working hard, more than full time. Plus being a mum on top of that ! It’s hard. So hard.
my sons started to sleep much better when they turned 3 -3.5years old. When I went back to work when they were 12m old I kept them in bed beside me so I didn’t have to get out of my own bed at all overnight. I breastfed them lying down so I felt like I was resting. It’s the only way I survived. I didn’t move them out of my bed until they were old enough to be able to potter back into me if they needed me -again so I didn’t have to get out of my own bed overnight.
I had to carve out a couple of hours in the week that they were in nursery where I could squeeze a quick half hour jog/walk in to get myself fit again. again I didn’t have the energy for this when they were small. I reduced my working hours which helped me. when they turned three and a half I finally became healthy weight again.

Yes, but to inject a bit of positivity, at least the OP will look and feel better!

Because it dulled the constant food noise in my head that I’ve been living with since childhood.

I really understand where you are coming from. My mental health has improved massively since I got on the WLI and have lost 15kg. Can I suggest a few things (if you can afford them)

Get the WLI - it literally switches off the food noise.

Carve out an afternoon at the weekend that is childfree and used for a weights session. You can buy a one day pass at a lot of gyms to get this done. Or get a PT who works in a park to do it with you. Building muscle will boost your metabolism. Don't ask DH - just go and leave him to it. Then try and do one or two short weights sessions at home - 20 minutes of full body lifts won't make you sweaty so you can do it in normal clothes. Schedule it before your evening glass of wine.......

Look at what you are doing for DH - if he won't do any more to help you then you need to do less for him - laundry/ironing etc

Get a cleaner to come in to save you some time - use that time to meal plan and batch cook healthy high protein meals at the weekend - try and take the thinking about food out of the weekly grind. Include high protein lunches not just dinners that you can take to work and microwave. Also try to have high protein quick fixes around - a snack pot of low sugar baked beans/some hard boiled eggs in a bowl in the fridge.

Well that was a tough read as someone who's size 14. The good news op is I've been out today and nobody screamed, cried or threw up at the sight of me so you're probably safe to leave the house.

I get that size 8 to size 14 is a noticeable difference and you're not feeling comfortable in your own skin as a result. Do you think you may have lost perspective a bit though?!

Feeling worthless and not meeting up with friends is crazy. I bet you wouldn't be this unkind to a friend or loved one so why are you being so horrible to yourself? That's not even going to help you lose weight, you'll just feel more shit and be more likely to comfort eat.

Whatever you choose to do next, be good to yourself. Your worth is not dictated by the size of clothes you buy.

If you’re a size 14 at 5’7 you’re really not fat.

I found the lack of sleep had me reaching for sugar when mine were little.
And I went from a sound sleeper to someone woken by the slightest sound for about 8 years after DC were born.

What helped me was DH doing a fortnight stint of nights and then regularly taking a weekend. But I was a SAHM and he worked. For you guys, he needs to be doing every other night.

On the nights DH was covering we slept apart, I took the room furthest from the DC and wore ear plugs. Once I was getting just enough sleep, it was so much easier to have healthy food and not reach for sugar.

Surely as a size 14 at 5ft 7 there is no way that OP would qualify for WLI????? That’s only marginally overweight?!

I understand you’re used to being much thinner but a size 8 at that height is really really small. So you’re not some hideous monster I think a heavy dose of perspective is needed here.

I agree that dieting might not be appealing - so don’t. Just eat to nourish your body. Give yourself proper nutrition throughout the day; drink lots of water and herbal tea, limit the booze. Walk for fresh air and to connect with nature.

Buy some really nice clothes that fit properly - that will make a huge difference. I bet you’re living in crappy clothes that don’t fit and make you feel every single excess pound. Properly fitting jeans can really boost your confidence. I’m a size 14 after previously being an 8 but today I’m wearing a banging pair of high waisted dark denim flares with a nice new top that fits really nicely and feel a million dollars!

Go private for an iron infusion. Once your ferritin is more normal you will feel better able to consider options for weight loss. I got mine through the NHS after years of not tolerating tablets and bumping along at the bottom of the range or below, but I wish I had paid for it ten years before.

I feel you OP. I'm now looking at it as a health thing rather than a looks thing?

So I am really cutting out sugar and upping my protein as I dont want to get diabetes. Nothing to do with my clothes/weight/looks it's literally for my health.

That has helped me make better food choices (I still struggle and sometimes give in to the sugar - especially this weekend when I'm surrounded by chocolate!).

Sorry if that's not helpful. I just do understand sleep deprivation and how it affects you.

I could have written this post myself 3 years ago.
work the same hours, had a DS that woke multiple times a night and had the diet of an unchaperoned child at a birthday party and have zero photos of me and DS as a baby toddler because i hated how i looked.
WLI was the only thing that worked for me, once i started those and the hunger went away i could then focus on changing my diet / relationship with food and start exercising.
i went from over 12 stone to just under 9.
i am in no way promoting WLI its totally down to the individual but it has been life changing

I just wanted to say that I hugely sympathise as my DS was (and still is) a terrible sleeper. I gained a lot of weight. I didn’t even think about losing weight until he was 3 then I went on WLIs and took up strength training. A year on i am back to my pre pregnancy weight and feel so much better.

I wouldn’t rule out Mounjaro if you can afford it, it’s a total game changer and for the record my hair has stayed intact! I work FT too and don’t have much time to exercise but I do squeeze in 2-3 weights sessions a week.

His sleep will get better eventually. We are down to one wake up a night now and it’s usually short-lived. I feel like someone has turned all the lights back on in my brain.

It’s so hard I know. Good luck x

Remove the weight issue for now.
There's no point in us saying size 14 is fine because @SunFunGin48392 doesn't want to be size 14.

I suggest you eat more healthily. The cake at 3 pm can stay. The G&T can stay.
Eat breakfast and lunch that have lots of veg and some protein, and are low carb.
Skip the biscuits and just have your nice afternoon cake.