Being fat stopping me from being happy

[SunFunGin48392]

I'm so so so unreasonable but I this is too stupid to say in real life and yet incredibly massive for me. I have a nearly 2 year old DS. I went back to work at 6 month post partum, I'm successful career wise, make good money. DS is thriving. I have a nice house. DH is not the best at doing his share but not the worst. I should be enjoying life and I can’t. All I can think of is how much weight I have put on since I went back to work. I've gone from a size 8 (I lost the baby weight after I had the baby) to a size 14. I have no photos with DS in the last 6 months as I look awful and it's so sad. I'm on the taller size (5'7") so I just look enormous. My skin is awful too.

I'm also extremely sleep deprived. DS still wakes once a night, and more if he is sick. I've made various attempts at diet and exercise but they go out the window when DS gets sick and starts waking 4 times a night.

I work 50 hours a week so there is very, very, very little time to exercise. It can only happen if DS sleeps and my day goes as scheduled.

This Easter weekend I'm so exhausted, I can barely get up from the sofa. I do have some health issues made worse by lack of exercise and being fat so that's not helping.

I feel worthless and completely unlovable.

I haven't seen friends for months and I've backed out of plans with friends tonight for the same reason. I just don't want to be seen by anyone.

Anyone else feel the same and managed to change?

Name changed for this as I know how fucking stupid and embarrassing I am.

It can seem overwhelming knowing where to start to actually make a noticeable change, Start with one small habit and stick to that.

Get yourself down to Home sense or somewhere that sells water bottles and pick yourself one you love. Set yourself alarms for every half hour/hour or you can download apps that remind you and set your goal to start drinking more water each day.

After you’ve been doing this for 2/3 weeks and it’s starting to become a habit add in another small change. This could be the goal of eating one piece of fruit each day. Keep a notebook diary of each day and tick off your goals and keep notes.

The key is to start small, not overwhelm yourself and remember you’re doing this to nourish and love your body not to punish it.

Steps you can add in your your goals as you go along could be upping the fruit and veg portions you’re consuming in a day.

Getting outside got a walk a set number of times a week.

Standing in the mirror and telling yourself positive things about your body or writing them down daily in your note pad.

Firstly, you need to sort the iron issue out. Ferritin of 13 is absolutely of a level to cause symptoms, your fatigue is the main one. A baby waking once shouldn't be enough to make you feel that tired. The tiredness is what's making you want to eat sugar all the time. Once it's sorted you will drop the weight fairly easily I expect.

Your GP sounds shit, I'd move to another one if you can. You can get private iron infusions, but they're expensive (£500+). Try it once - you should feel a LOT better really quickly. Or if you can't afford it, tell your GP that you're feeling very unwell, your iron is low, you clearly can't tolerate oral iron supplements, so you'd like a referral to haematology to discuss other options such as infusion.

After years of shift work, single parenting and poor sleep patterns, I was the same as you. I used the terrible/lazy/stupid/selfish 😉 WLI and halved my body size. It changed my life. I just got to a point where I needed the change but I couldn’t do it alone.

It’s just not true when people talk about exercising not being part of being healthy. It really is! A sedentary lifestyle puts you at higher risk of a range of diseases. Plus exercise gives us endorphins, which it sounds like OP needs.

@SunFunGin48392there is such a lot to unpick here, but it does sound like you genuinely need a quick fix. Depending on your BMI you might be eligible for private weight loss injections which is probably your best bet since you are time poor.

OP, you’ve gotten so much great advice!

I have a concern about the weight loss injections. Do you have to be on them for your whole life? I get the impression this is the case.

But more importantly, how was your diet before when you were a size 6? Just checking if there are underlying issues with food?

I don’t think calorie counting would work. First, if she works that much, it’s just too time-consuming to log everything. Second, calorie counting would likely just cause more stress.

To lose this amount of weight, a short-term diet won’t work. Diets are only effective if you want to lose a kilo or two quickly before a holiday.

To go from a size 14 to an 8, you need a lifestyle change. If you eat homemade food and pay attention to variety and portion sizes, you don’t need to count calories—you won't overeat that way.

Absolutely agree with all this. A ferritin of 13 can defo exacerbate your exhaustion. It's also a reason I definitely wouldn't recommend WLI if you're already so nutritionally deficient and needed treatment for B12 and vitamin D too, as the associated restriction may exacerbate those issues and contribute to worse fatigue. If that was 4 months ago I would expect those supplements to have kicked in by now but your ferritin is what needs working on.

You want a minimum of 30, ideally 70+. What are your periods like? I was fighting a losing battle with iron in diet and tablets as I would just about start feeling some benefit then have a heavy period and be right back where I started. What's your haemoglobin (Hb)? If you've already spent 200+ on iron supplements then can you push to a private transfusion? I saw them at £500-700. However I managed to avoid it by getting tranexamic acid prescribed by the GP which helps clotting so massively reduced my periods and I finally stopped losing my iron gains each month! Maybe something to consider as an alternate approach?

I'm not sure how best to approach the sleep but it will all seem so much more sustainable when your health issues are sorted

I don’t think you’re being remotely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I’m 5’8.5 and I had a couple of years where I put on a tonne of weight. I was a size 14, but at the absolute upper end of it. I have been thin my whole life and didn’t recognise myself in photos. As I’m on the tall side, I felt I looked like a she-devil. I lost 50 pounds on Mounjaro and I’ve been 9.5 stone for about a year now. I’m so much happier.

Please go back to the GP to get your iron sorted. I used to be extremely anaemic and I know how debilitating it can be. I was able to sort mine out via tablets and a Mirena, luckily.

The main thing you need to focus on is sleep.

I cannot tell you how much sleep and stress impact my weight and it took me years to realise this.

Go to bed as early as you possibly can.
I would go really early and take a camomile tea and good book (don’t go on your phone).

If you’re physically in bed then you can’t snack.
But also when you’re tired your body craves crap, stores excess fat but also takes goodness from the rest of your body which can affect your hair, skin and nails.

If you can sleep better, then everything else gets easier but there is no point trying to diet or exercise if you’re not sleeping.

Exercise can burn calories but I find it is much more effective to help your MH (which reduces stress and stress impacts your weight).
I would prioritise going for walks out in the fresh air, as being outdoors can also do wonders.

No, you don't have to but the risk of weight gain is higher. The preliminary research suggests people regain weight if they stop, which is also true of dieting.

There was a BMJ review of research a couple of months ago which found that people lost much more on WLIs initially, then regained the weight faster and were still lighter than dieters at the end of the test period. They did say more research was needed, as a lot of what they reviewed were the older generation WLIs. A lot of us are working on the assumption we'll need them long term though, I for one expect to keep taking them forever.

But obviously this isn't necessarily relevant for OP anyway.

You are being very harsh on yourself. I am more or less the same height as you (about half an inch shorter). How much do you weigh? A size 14 is not "fat" - I opened this thread thinking you would be morbidly obese.

My DC are nearly 10 and 7 and I have only just got my shit together and started to eat well and exercise consistently. You have plenty of time to get things back on track but sleep deprivation is a killer - my youngest was such a terrible sleeper, not sure how I survived looking back. My two still normally wake me up twice a night between them, but they do go straight back to sleep a least so I am much better rested. I am also not afraid of an early night here and there to top up.

For now I would simply focus on eating better. I started that first and it made a massive l, massive difference to how I felt in myself - more alert, happier, more energy. I don't mean counting calories either, I mean just eating nutritious foods that taste good. Cutting junk where you can will help too.

Get out for fresh air - if you have a two year old you aren't far off scooting age. It's amazing how fast you have to walk to keep up with a scooting child!! And being outside is great for your wellbeing.

But please be kind to yourself - you work a fuck tonne of hours, and have a small child. I never went back full time after my oldest was born and I still struggled, lost myself completely, just existing for years. So I really don't under estimate how much you have on your plate, so you need to cut yourself some significant slack here and focus on the bigger picture. There's plenty of time for weight loss, now is survival mode time.

@Historian0111101000i have a similarly busy job and do it. I would actually say calorie counting is the thing that has made me make lifestyle changes. I’ve realised what I’m eating properly over a day and have lost the 11kg I wanted to and am now maintaining- focusing on high protein and lower carb. Being aware of what I was eating is what has made me able to make the change - it shows you things like the calories in what you are drinking or snacking on for example and enables you to make a sustainable switch.

But also agree with PP on sleep. I probably would have found it much more difficult to make that change a few years ago when I was up several times a night with my then 3 year old who was a terrible sleeper. I do think sometimes you can make the smaller changes, but accept that making big lifestyle changes is going to be tougher in the stage you’re currently in than maybe when kids are a bit older (mine are 7 and 10 and whilst they still occasionally wake up, particularly the younger one, and get up early, it’s definitely easier for me now).

You won’t be helped by the comments telling you a 14 isn’t fat. If you feel fat then that’s how you feel. I m 5’7 and was objectively fat at a 14. Not massive, but fat. It might be the average size but a lot of people are also fat.

You need to be telling your DH to pull his weight so you aren’t burning yourself at both ends of the stick. I disagree that your job and being tired are unrelated. When I’m tired and burnt out I’m much less likely to exercise, cook and meal plan. Being tired makes me crave junk food.

Sleep is very important. Go to bed as early as you can, even if that means sacrificing some time alone with DH. Preparing overnight oats takes 2 minutes the night before and means you have a calorie controlled easy breakfast ready for the next day. You can grab it and take it to work. I would even look at some meal delivery boxes whilst you’re knackered. You can select easy to cook calorie controlled ones. It takes the stress of meal planning, cooking and calorie counting off. What’s your job? Are you in an office? Could you get a walking pad?

Most important things are sleep and DH pulling his weight.

I lost all my baby weight on maternity but gained it all when going back to work. Batch cooking and walking saved me. Can you reduce hours? Can you stay away one night a week? Premierinn near to office? Make your DH do a night, say it’s a work thing?

I mean this kindly. Being ‘fat’ sounds like the least of your problems. You’re working too much, sleeping and resting too little, eating a diet that’s making you feel rubbish, and you’re not that well supported by your partner. Of course you feel bad! You’re totally burnt out.

I’d stop worrying about the weight while you solve all those problems first. Start with working less - take a month off with stress and rest if you need to. Make a plan for your life to be sustainable. Easier said than done but the first step is not trying to solve the wrong problem. Being thin wouldn’t solve any of this.

Have you tried low carbing? I am a sugar addict but when I go low carb I have so much more energy and can easily not eat. The weight easily drops off then. If you can try this I would start with making the first thing you eat a day low carb as that will impact the rest of your food for the day. You can then start making your other meals low carb too.
It will definitely be the sugar making you feel so shit and if you can get out of the cycle you'll feel so much better.

I was you a few years ago. Similar height and was a 14, my BMI was overweight and I just didn’t feel like myself though I’ve always struggled with my weight.

what turned it around for me was intermittent fasting which I found relatively easy as it curbs my hunger pangs. I then cut out ultra processed foods which is created really to make you hungry.
I’ve lost 3stone and kept it off and feel a hundred times better.

the first week is the hardest when cutting out the rubbish and then suddenly one day you don’t want it anymore and when you taste it, you can tell how synthetic it is.

chris Van Tulleken is a good read to understand it better.

Good luck, bloody hard without proper sleep.

If you earn a good wage can you afford to buy weight loss injections? It has been a game changer for me, had a health check recently and the doctor was thrilled with my progress, I feel so much better in myself too.

Whether feeling fat, plump, bloated or those bingo wings / love handles looking a bit more noticeable in the mirror - as long as you are going to lose weight to make you healthier and happier then that's all OK in my book.

I'm embarking on a post Easter effort... this is my gameplan

MyfitnessPal app (free version is good enough) to track everything eaten - more to keep me honest than counting every calorie

High protein foods - two of my faves are Aldi Protein pouches (mango soft cheese yoghurt are delicious and only 99p for 25g protein) for breakfast and light lunch of spice dusted air fried chicken breasts.

GLP - yes, jabs are also on the menu, but only legitimate supply like MedExpress (£50 off using AW437 code is a bonus)

Gym & Swim - local council leisure centre has a Spring promotion and won't be crazy busy like first week in January

For me, I will need to do all four of these to get another steady, sure and healthy weight drop for the Summer and more importantly for me!!

HTH - Good luck

OP you don't look awful. At that height and weight you might look softly rounded but not fat.
You sound a bit depressed. See if you can get some counselling sessions via your work EAP.

You have a dh problem.

Dh might do something and you think that something is better than nothing but ultimately what is he doing that he couldn’t be replaced by paid help who would be a lot more reliable and do a better job

Your weight issue stems from your lack of sleep and your lack of sleep stems from your dh not taking over at least every other night so you can get a decent nights sleep.

Why can’t dh take ds into another room and leave you to sleep every other night at least.

I would be threatening him with 50/50 custody so he has to get up with DS every single night for the 3/4 nights of the week he has him and then get him up dressed and into nursery and then collect him and then cook, clean, feed DS, shop for food, do laundry, and be responsible for DS and get up with him during the night for 3/4 days per week.

Think about it. Lack of sleep is a form of torture. Your dh not helping you with DS during the night means your dh is literally torturing you

I think you need to focus on your diet as you don’t seem to have time to increase exercise much. Although you should definitely do that where you can.

What is your BMI? Would you qualify for WLI?

Monjaro. It is life changing. Food noise goes away also agree with everyone who said reduce hours Good luck