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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

202 replies

fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 18:56

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

OP posts:
GardeningMummy · 03/04/2026 18:59

Drop her. It won’t improve

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 19:04

She probably needs a therapist

OP posts:
Daveyouronmute · 03/04/2026 19:09

I know 2 people with this mentionitus. It gets boring. There's no answer. The boasting is annoying. Yes be proud of your dcs but not everyone needs to hear everything about them. Plus they don't want to see the photos or videos. Bet you don't know a single thing about your friend. I gave up.

incognito1991 · 03/04/2026 19:11

I know someone like this, but she does talk about herself too and as you can Imagine she also thinks she is the greatest too, wonder how some people can be so full of themselves but i guess everyone’s different.

dizzydizzydizzy · 03/04/2026 19:25

Well you have tried the obvious thing, which is steering her away to other topics. Apart from finding new friends, your main option it to say something more direct lke “you’ve told me about your daughter lots of times, let’s talk about x instead.” I suspect that won’t work though, but it might.

Catcatcatcatcat · 03/04/2026 20:33

I have a friend like this. She has 4 DDs but is totally obsessed with one of them. She seems to live vicariously through her daughters life, as though it’s her own.

It really is so tediously boring.

Netcurtainnelly · 03/04/2026 20:36

ask her what else she's done apart from having sex and producing a child.

what has she done in life. Achieved.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/04/2026 20:39

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TheBlueKoala · 03/04/2026 20:41

I realised I have been that friend but not in the same way; complaining too much about one of my dc. It gets old as well even though it's the contrary to a brag.

catipuss · 03/04/2026 20:44

People are really proud of their children and may live a bit vicariously through them. Their child may be the most important thing in their lives, maybe a bit sad but let it go.

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 20:45

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Well me too, except when it goes on for 2 hours+ nonstop and when I divert the topic she will make sure she finishes what she planned to say! She loves writing essays about her dd too, it’s upwards of 3000 words.

OP posts:
ExquisiteSocialSkills · 03/04/2026 20:47

It’s a lot of pressure to put on the daughter too. What happens when she doesn’t achieve what’s expected of her. What about unconditional love?

catipuss · 03/04/2026 20:48

Can you write 3,000 words back about yours? And answer every comment with reference to your DC, I'm sure you could do two hours of one upmanship.

Screamingabdabz · 03/04/2026 21:10

YANBU op. I had a close childhood friend like this who changed into a competitive obsessive about her dd when she became a mother.

I hated it and dreaded our get togethers. We never talked about normal stuff - always how amazing Chloe was….Chloe had made her best time at cross country. Chloe had won a writing competition. Chloe had been invited to go in some amazing trip with a friend. Chloe had been given a brilliant report by her teacher. Chloe said something hilarious the other day. Chloe’s gymnastics teacher said she had Olympic potential…and so on and so on. I used to downplay my own DC’s achievements just to avoid any idea we were in competition. I tried to talk about normal shit - films, news, friends we knew, nice places to eat, holidays… nope just wanted to compare the children and get back to her favourite subject.

I ended up withdrawing more and more and making excuses why I couldn’t meet up. I’m sure she was confused.

I gave her one last chance just after lockdown and we went for coffee one day but she started to drill down about the boring minutiae of the specifications of her DD’s uni course (I didn’t even go into that detail with my own kids) and I realised she’d never change. I haven’t seen her since.

Update. Chloe is now a young adult. A nice girl with a good job. Nothing exceptional.

Beyond exchanging Christmas cards, I will never meet up with Chloe’s mum again. She’s not my friend.

RedRock41 · 03/04/2026 21:10

Had a relative like that, no one could say anything but she’d need to counter and jump in about her amazing family to explain to you how they were more amazing and rest of us were a bit rubbish. She’s dead now, but obviously died better than most!

TheSocialHermit · 03/04/2026 21:15

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Not EVERY conversation needs to be child-centered though

TheSocialHermit · 03/04/2026 21:18

catipuss · 03/04/2026 20:48

Can you write 3,000 words back about yours? And answer every comment with reference to your DC, I'm sure you could do two hours of one upmanship.

Please do this 😂

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 21:32

Ah, great. So there are similar people out there with ‘mentionitis’ (love that word by the way, thanks @Daveyouronmute

if I write 3000 words about my kids she’ll come back with 6000 for sure. She doesn’t have a job but she has lots of time in her hands. I met her when kids were at nursery together and we’re still local so bump into each other at supermarkets etc. she won’t let go of me if she sees me

OP posts:
TheSocialHermit · 03/04/2026 21:36

fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 21:32

Ah, great. So there are similar people out there with ‘mentionitis’ (love that word by the way, thanks @Daveyouronmute

if I write 3000 words about my kids she’ll come back with 6000 for sure. She doesn’t have a job but she has lots of time in her hands. I met her when kids were at nursery together and we’re still local so bump into each other at supermarkets etc. she won’t let go of me if she sees me

I have a better idea - start writing paragraphs back about a random topic, say you’ve got into plants and are doing a course and start naming loads by latin name and facts about them (courtesy of Chat GPT)

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 21:39

Screamingabdabz · 03/04/2026 21:10

YANBU op. I had a close childhood friend like this who changed into a competitive obsessive about her dd when she became a mother.

I hated it and dreaded our get togethers. We never talked about normal stuff - always how amazing Chloe was….Chloe had made her best time at cross country. Chloe had won a writing competition. Chloe had been invited to go in some amazing trip with a friend. Chloe had been given a brilliant report by her teacher. Chloe said something hilarious the other day. Chloe’s gymnastics teacher said she had Olympic potential…and so on and so on. I used to downplay my own DC’s achievements just to avoid any idea we were in competition. I tried to talk about normal shit - films, news, friends we knew, nice places to eat, holidays… nope just wanted to compare the children and get back to her favourite subject.

I ended up withdrawing more and more and making excuses why I couldn’t meet up. I’m sure she was confused.

I gave her one last chance just after lockdown and we went for coffee one day but she started to drill down about the boring minutiae of the specifications of her DD’s uni course (I didn’t even go into that detail with my own kids) and I realised she’d never change. I haven’t seen her since.

Update. Chloe is now a young adult. A nice girl with a good job. Nothing exceptional.

Beyond exchanging Christmas cards, I will never meet up with Chloe’s mum again. She’s not my friend.

Are we talking about the same friend!? 😂

OP posts:
Bumblebeeforever · 03/04/2026 21:49

I must admit to a bit of schadenfreude when a friend who used to go on and on about how exceptional her child was and how clearly he was a genius by the way he stacked blocks when he was 12 months old turned out to be a little shit at school and she was encouraged by the school to find a smaller school that would ‘suit him better’.

Boredwiththeoldusername · 03/04/2026 21:54

I had a bragging "Mrs Bennet" neighbour who was all about her 3 DDs - how beautiful, how accomplished, how well they were doing, fab jobs and their rich BFs etc. She only spoke to someone if she could brag, or thought you were useful to her or her DDs so I gave her a wide berth. Everyone I'm sure has pride in their DC but this felt toxic and I'm sure made them super competitive and stressed. Her DC moved to Oz/NZ after Uni and so she's here alone now.

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 21:59

Oh yes, rich BF and being invited to Mauritius holiday all paid for obviously

OP posts:
Ineedanewsofa · 03/04/2026 22:02

I feel I’m losing a lifelong friend to this tbh, whenever we get together it’s an uninterrupted ode to her DS, how advanced he is, how the school is not challenging him, how she is sure he could pass the 11+ to go to grammar/get a scholarship from a local private school but they “really believe” in the state secondary school, how he’s excelling in 6 different sports and two instruments…she rarely mentions her DD at all.
I don’t know how to tackle it with her at all, diverting doesn’t work, changing the subject entirely doesn’t work, asking directly to talk about something else doesn’t work.
I’m actually starting to avoid meeting up because I just know how every conversation is going to go

Original poster
fluffycushion9 · 03/04/2026 22:04

Ineedanewsofa · 03/04/2026 22:02

I feel I’m losing a lifelong friend to this tbh, whenever we get together it’s an uninterrupted ode to her DS, how advanced he is, how the school is not challenging him, how she is sure he could pass the 11+ to go to grammar/get a scholarship from a local private school but they “really believe” in the state secondary school, how he’s excelling in 6 different sports and two instruments…she rarely mentions her DD at all.
I don’t know how to tackle it with her at all, diverting doesn’t work, changing the subject entirely doesn’t work, asking directly to talk about something else doesn’t work.
I’m actually starting to avoid meeting up because I just know how every conversation is going to go

Sorry to read this. What excuses do you use to not meet up? I think I’ve exhausted mine (being ill, busy with work, busy with kids)

OP posts: