My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

Sure, but you choose your friends because you enjoy their company and love spending time with them. The OP is clearly bored to death by this one-subject monologuer.

@fluffycushion9 often we are already busy so it’s a legitimate excuse but I’ve stopped offering alternative dates and sharing when I am free, I also rarely initiate the conversation. I feel horrible but I literally just sit there while she monologues about how incredible one of her children is while barely mentioning the other. I wouldn’t know she was still married or employed if I hadn’t specifically asked about her husband and job the last time we met!

Take her to see "Matilda" and see how she reacts to the opening song ("Miracle").

You have my sympathies, this really could be my friend. I thought this was quite rare, but obviously not.

I am so fed up being talked at and brow beaten about her DS. I actually find it painful and I dread conversations with her.

I should have ended the friendship ages ago, but I’m due to see her quite soon (can’t get out of it and dreading it) and I really don’t think I’ll be able to bite my tongue anymore. I’m extremely patient, but when I’ve had enough I’ve had enough.

I do feel sorry for your friend because she clearly can't be happy with her own life so has to live through her child's.

But YADNBU. Doesn't even matter the subject, if you've got a friend who only wants to talk about one certain topic and nothing else, it's tedious and not how I'd choose to spend my time.

You're lucky she's only a friend and not your sibling. You can at least ditch a friend or distance yourself.
We have a sibling whose grandchild is better than anyone else anywhere in the world and everyone gets to see their photos and hear of her achievements (although only 7 years old) . It doesn't matter who you are..a perfect stranger at a concert? Tick. A complete unknown in a queue? Tick
A relative of someone in your father's nursing home? Tick

Well according to every parent on here their child is brigjt good looking and very talented at anything they do so very predictable

But if a friend didnt stop going on about it is could I would think they were projecting some insecurity they had and couldn't stay friends it gets tiresome after a while anything a person can't stop going on about repetitiveness shows they dont have muxh else to say

Parents like this are mind-numbingly dull.

We have one like this, 3 kids. Except kid no 1 still has no life plan 2 years on. They’ve been advised not to go to university and kid no 2 is in year 13 now. I was royally scoffed at when I said dd had applied. A real elevenerife. All his kids are perfect. It is so boring. I made a passing comment to my friend some time back about avoiding him and she did Rottweiler teeth. I was amused. I hadn’t realised he wound other people up quite so much.

Sorry? Writes 3000 word essays about daughter? For what purpose?

I feel very sorry for her child. I know a child who had a grandparent like this. After a few years of enduring the boasting about this kid's prowess in maths and hearing about what a genius he was, I found out that he was taking exactly the same courses as all of my own DCs, and that their results were actually better than his. He went on to university believing he was God's gift to engineering and dropped out half way through his first year. It took him a while to find his real forte.

Just drop the friend, but stay in contact with the unfortunate child if you can.

I think this is common or not uncommon. I have a neighbor like this and her parents were worse! Known them since dc were 3.
pageants/“ Olympic” type sport / Instagram filled with model type photos.

March on 25 yrs….her children are not Olympian’s or politicians or miss universe. One has married has dc and the other two seem to be a bit at loose ends.
never once and I mean not once did she or her parents ever ask about my DC. Who are actually very successful. It’s so very tiresome and who has patience for it?

It sounds like your response was perfect, saying you'd rather hear about her. I'm guessing that she tends to repeat herself, and go on at greater length than necessary, and in situations like that with a close friend, I've been able to say, "Yes, I know that already" or "Okay, let's cut to the chase."

It doesn't sound like you're fond of her, so stay away. If, however, she calls, you have the chance to say, "Well, I used to enjoy getting together with you, but these days..." Basically, if you don't value the friendship, you have the opportunity to be blunt to the point of rudeness - but she'll probably shrug it off anyway.

Ugh 🙄 All women think their daughters are "beautiful" and "amazing". I've had this tonight- total stranger banging on about her daughter and how "stunning" she was. She showed me a pic: Reader, the daughter looked like a ham in a blonde wig. About 5 layers of makeup, 2-sets of lashes, a too-short dress fully displaying her horrible cellulite, angry dark fake eyebrows, a double chin and pouting for her life.

I fear this is me. 18 yo Dd - multiple essay prize winner and Oxford law with German place. Just won a political voices prize in the Guardian. I’m just so proud. Dd is quite cold to me tbh but it’s amazing to have an exceptional kid.👶

My aunt used to make my average cousins enter a high school science competition every year. She would then drive them 6 hours to Melbourne for the state finalist awards ceremony and tell absolutely everyone that her kids were attending the state finals, heavily implying they were finalists. They never received more than a participation certificate.

So often the achievements these types of parents boast about are a house of cards.

I know someone exactly like this. His son is a good rugby player and he is rightly proud of him but he is also the pushiest parent I’ve ever met. To hear him speak, you’d think a new whole world team consisting of only his son as every player had just been announced. The boy is approaching 18 now and in an academy doing well along with many others. I think it’s going to be a difficult realisation for them that the world has sadly not been set on fire and he’s not going to end up on a national team or make a career out of it. He’s probably had some lovely experiences and made great friends but that won’t be enough for this man. When you build them up so much, where do you then go?

It is annoying hearing this even if there is truth to the claims about said offspring.

About 10 years ago I watched a stand up comedian do a set about his successful son. How this son was winning parts left right and centre and pretty much never failed an audition. It was framed as "ooo isn't it annoying when your kids out achieves you!! " but essentially came over as a stealth boast about how successful his son had become. It became tiresome and that was just for a 20 mins comedy set.

That comedian was Dominic Holland and his son Tom "Spiderman" Holland.

Even now, I still think it was a bloody annoying set.

That poor child. The mother sounds delusional. I wonder what will happen when the child does not end up measuring up to the mothers wild expectations?

If you want to salvage the friendship give her a chance. Have a discussion and be honest about how you feel. If she gets offended and doesn't want to be friends anymore, then no big loss I guess.

This. I've met many people who behave in this way and often it does seem that they don't have many of their own achievements so view their children's achievements as an extension of theirs...

I imagine your friends allow you to discuss topics other than their children? And that you share common interests and have varied discussions which include elements about your life? Which is not what OP is describing...

OP is talking about a very specific type of imbalance and frankly if a friendship is so one sided that almost every conversation is dominated by the topic of one person's child well then that doesn't sound like a healthy friendship at all and just nodding and smiling along to that isn’t really a flex.

I feel so unbearable embarrassed for people who do this. It’s so tragic. And I feel sorry for their DC who must be absolutely suffocated.

Oh, if I had a quid for every kid/parent like this that I have taught. (Posh schools, lots of upwardly thrusting parents) And yes, there were some very clever kids, but so many burned out by parental expectation, and oh, the abuse I witnessed for not achieving 12 A*s at GCSE. Missing an Oxbridge offer...quelle horreur...A couple of suicides too. Talking about setting your kid up for failure and self-loathing.

I think I maybe relate to both sides, having had a bit of a neglectful childhood (you mentioned childhood issues being an issue), you sort of do try to not repeat the cycle, and I think it can lead you to go overboard. Maybe someone needs to tell her quietly and nicely to tone it down a bit, if it’s this type of situation.

I know many like this! It gets so much… I always think to myself it’s not your achievement it’s their achievement. Of the two that do it the most I’d say it’s clearly unresolved childhood issues