My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

David Baddiel once said that if he fell into a river, his mum would have shouted “Help! My son - the Cambridge graduate - is drowning!”

My sister used to be like this, I have seen her perform absolute feats of conversational gymnastics to work mention of her (adult) sons into every discussion, with every conceivable person, no matter how far removed the topic.

It is actually very sad, and for years one of her DS just wouldn't deal with her, so great was his anger, not least because I'm sure he felt suffocated. Fortunately their relationship has much improved but she is still a little lost in the minutiae of their adult lives.

The said parent is a “gossiper”. For example she would gossip about the financial situation of the family of her daughter’s boyfriend or would describe in detail the massive mansion with big gates and swimming pool that her DD’s friend lives in. She would gossip about other people’s kids and always use them to compare with her dd. Just bizarre. She almost probably does that about me but I haven’t mentioned about my kids recently so hopefully she has nothing to say about us. Oh and by the way she has a younger dd that she talks about only when she’s achieved something (but doesn’t do as well as the elder one so I hardly hear about her).

Intriguing to read about other parents who are similar too. Relived to know most people have voted I’m NBU. Thanks all

She sounds insufferable. Just LTB friend's edition.

She’s probably left me - I haven’t heard from her for 2 weeks!

Take that as a win!!

I feel for you this is the problem these days

my little one who is 4 went through a stage of saying her hair was better than her friends and that this was better than that etc she did it with my niece too so I spent a hell of a long time correcting her that everyone has everything they need and that every single person is beautiful and got the best hair we are just different. I tell her she’s the best in my world and that she’s the best little girl in my world but i will never let her think she is the best above her peers. It’s crazy what style parents we have out there

Bollox she writes 3000 words essays on her daughter 😆

* distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit.*

you bumped in to each other or met up?

I fear I used to be a bit like this (not as bad I hope). My friend called it "daughter-flexing" and told me straight to stop it. So I did, with her and I also became more aware of it around others.

My friend is good at giving feedback in a way that doesn't feel too crushing, but you do take it on board. I was glad she told me as I hadn't really thought about it being so boring/annoying before.

I know someone like this and I realise she has nothing else in her life. She is most probably quite lonely. I see that she does everything with her AC and DGC now.

I do wander if her AC feel responsible for her or maybe they have a real close relationship and genuinely feel the need to be together all the time, DPs and all.

As a result when we get together she recounts all of the ‘wonderful’ things they have done! I do see eyes glaze over and subject quickly gets changed.

But as for her, she just has nothing else to talk about - oh no I’m wrong - alternative is moaning about things she’s read in the Daily Mail.

She a neighbour not a friend.

We bumped into each other and went for a coffee, wondering if we could now hold grown up conversations or if she hadn’t changed. Coffee was her idea but I had a couple of hours to spare so I thought why not?

You had not seen other for a year and just bumped in to each other .
Shes not tried to instigate anything in that year.
and since that coffee a fortnight ago, she hasn’t been back in touch

perhaps she didn’t enjoy either, for her own reasons 🤷‍♀️

It’s a bit more complicated than that. This wasn’t the first time we bumped into each other. She had been in touch but I replied less and less in that year. However you are most probably right that she didn’t enjoy my company this time because I didn’t give her the validation she always craved for. But she still talked non-stop about her daughter and I was so glad I had my dentist appointment so I literally had to dash off!

So she hasn’t been in a contact for a fortnight. Seems like she’s on a similar page to you.

OP you deserve an award. I know from personal experience how boring it is to listen on repeat to someone obsessively talk about the same child over and over whilst basically belittling every other child by replying with an X is just so amazing when you mention something another child did well. I wide berth this person now.

But she doesn’t ‘deserve an award’ for listening to someone bore on about her child — why would she? Absolutely no good is being done. The OP is just seething silent with irritation, while her friend is being encouraged by her attention to continue to be a terrible bore. One person is irritated and bored, the other is oblivious to her own poor conversational manners.

True but she does seem to have had patience and tried to get this person to talk about other conversations. Unfortunately people who do this really seem quite oblivious to how boring it is because they find the child in question riveting.

hmm, won’t bother me at all. I doubt she is your actual friend, your are just mum friends because your kids went to the same nursery. I have a mum friend who talks about her little boy being a genius- all the time. 17 months old as my daughter is - time will tell of he is a genius of not (he is pretty cute/sweet for what it’s worth) and if we spend hours talking about him (usually when we bump into each other at toddler classes) she what’s app too see what he did today isn’t he clever - honestly no skin of my back to listen. If you don’t like just do as others have suggested and ignore. Or perhaps just say bluntly you aren’t interested…

How old is your friend's daughter? I have a couple of young friends who feel like that about their daughter who is now seven. The dad is always going on about how advanced she is, bless her. She is an absolute sweetie, bright and confident but I have no way of knowing if she is exceptional. I just listen and smle.

Children can often seem extremely advanced but when they go to school, there will be some others who are similar. I was always aware of that with my child (nearly 47 now), who was bright and talented; I knew he would be with some children who were more so! I was pleased with him but never made a big thing of his achievements with fellow parents, that gets on people's nerves.

Children develop at their own pace and every child has something exceptional about them.

Just smile and nod with your friend. Hopefully she will get past this eventually and there's no point in falling out over it. Her daughter will not be a child forever!

Oh god I had a friend like this , eventually it was getting me down so I gradually saw less and less of her .
She wittered on endlessly about her kids , especially the daughter

Imagine this for nearly 20 years its wearing and boring.

I have a friend like this. My own dd has a lovely voice and has performed in various local shows. Friend, who has 2 kids but seems to boast only about one of her dds, made a point of saying her dd has an ‘exceptional’ voice which made people’s jaws visibly drop at a recent show. I felt the word choice ‘exceptional’ was interesting - used to make a point, to me, that her dd’s talent is unique, transcendent, ie better than my dd’s. There have been lots of moments like this. I’ve observed that she is very very competetive with her own sisters, and I reassure myself that it’s
not personal but seems to stem from some insecurity on her part, seemingly rooted in her own family dynamics. I value so many parts of my friendship with her, so I simply nod and smile through the boasting. So I guess you need to ask yourself: is your relationship with your friend worth putting up with it? She’s unlikely to change, so can you accept it and enjoy the other parts of your friendship?

Her daughter is 18!