My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

There was a mum a bit like this at primary. She had two DC and the lad was bright and nice and a good friend of my DS. She was a classic "kid bragger" and had had her own struggles.

Many of the other mums used to swerve and bitch. The subject of the bitching, however, never had a bad word for anyone, not even her biggest critics. That's what I judged her on and I preferred to spend time with her than some of the super popular bitch brigade.

Dear reader, one of the DC died, aged 22. Yes, of course I make time for her and have a coffee to hear all about her living child and we reminisce about the one no longer with us and how great they were. What sort of bitch wouldn't.

I’m the other way really. I don’t like talking about myself or dcs.
Im very happy. Love my dh and I’m incredibly proud of my DCs all of whom have great lives.
I just don’t have any ‘drama’ to add to conversations. My dh isn’t a lazy manchild. My DCs don’t lead boring lives with useless partners. We go on holiday, a lot, and are out and about a lot. We both work full time and yes the stories I could tell.
I often ask my friends how their DCs are, especially if they are struggling.
I don’t have any advice op, it must be incredibly boring listening to your friend drone on.

But why would there need to be ‘drama’ for you to talk about your life, or that of your DH or children? You say ‘we both work full time and yes the stories I could tell’ — well, why not tell them?

A bold approach, but I like it 😆

Confidentiality at work.
I don’t talk about myself unless someone asks. Then what is there to say other than my life is great.
Oh course I’ll have conversations with friends, but depending on who I’m with it’s often other topics rather than sat looking at endless photos of their grandchildren. Who wants to see that? I don’t.

I have a cousin like this. It’s got to the point where we avoid family gatherings. It’s a two hour drive to hear how good her son is at Maths, how she always knew he would be. Her son is now married, a smoker and just a Maths teacher. Her other child (who she never boasts about) is doing the exact same job. I’d feel sorry for him but the whole family are so insufferable. I’ve never known anyone be able to divert a conversation back to her chosen topic with such ease. We even get yearly newsletters about them all despite the fact that the two ‘children’ are now married with their own families on the way!
I’m bracing myself to hear all about the next generation 😬

It’s fine to be proud about your child. But do you go on about it and mention it in every conversation to everyone you speak to all the time?

She clearly has absolutely nothing else in her life to talk about. You’re going to have to be brutally honest and tell her you don’t enjoy her company anymore as it just feels like you’re just providing an audience for her. She’ll either have an epiphany and stop it, or more likely flounce and you never have to see her again. Win win.

We had one of these. She would somehow shoehorn ‘Oxford’ into every conversation. She would show off about her children, her husband and even herself, even though she had a very average job. It was quite tragic really as nobody took her seriously by the end.

Anyway, her kids left home for university and then her husband left her. She’s now getting divorced and no longer shows off about things.

I have quietly resigned from a friendship group like this. Think your experience 4x. It was so tedious. The remarkable thing is one of the group has a massive career in a very interesting field yet never spoke about it. Get togethers were just a just a dull exchange of their offspring’s “remarkable” achievements. Full disclosure I have 2 DC who are no better nor worse than theirs, but I also have a life. I am so much happier now I no longer engage with them. Move on OP, life is short.

Always go out dressed in disguise. Appreciate that’s a lot of work to avoid someone, but probably worth it.

Tell your “friend” she’s wrong

because I @Belleends have the best daughter in the world. Fact.

Saw her briefly the other day

you bumped in to her? Or got together with her?

I agree it must be difficult being The Golden Child.

In my example, the DD, now late thirties, moved five hours away from her mother, but mum still drives to see her at least twice a month and even bought a motor home when DD said they no longer had room for her to stay.

She is moving abroad this year, and we are all really concerned about how friend will cope. Maybe her other three DC might get a look in now?

That's really quite nasty. Stop seeing her by all means but deliberately making her feel small when she probably has unresolved issues is mean and vindictive.

I knew with your first post that she doesn’t have a job. Because she has NOTHING to say other than talk about her daughter. That’s very sad for her.

Years ago when our daughters were primary aged, I had a pal who was similar. There had never been a funnier, cuter, smarter, more charming little girl than hers. I have one of my own, the same age...and knew she was describing perfectly normal and unremarkable behaviour. My dd did and said all the same stuff...not that she'd ever have known because we didn't get a look in. I certainly don't mind a bit of kiddy chat in the normal course of conversation but this was more than I could feign interest in...it became a waste of my free time.
I ended up ghosting her tbh. 😬

I think I can be guilty of this! I have a full and busy life but I do think my DD is the bee's knees 😄
One of my good friends literally stopped me one day and very bluntly told me she wasn't that interested in DD and would rather talk about other things.
I was a bit chastening but she had a point and I have made an effort to stop doing it as much.

OP, you could try being blunt. I said to my friend ‘I’m giving you fifteen minutes to talk about xxx and no more’ and then I told her when her time was up. She’s still my friend!

I have a ' friend' like this. Actually she is the wife of DHs friend. I now actively ghost her because every conversation was a competition I had not entered.
Once I commented on the weather, and she managed to turn it a discussion of how her DD has a pilot's license.

@Beamur - you're a wee star to take that on board without being mortally offended. I take my hat off. People like you are rare in my experience. 😊

I have a work colleague who’s a bit like this. If I ask him what he’s doing at the weekend he lists his DC’s weekend activities. I literally say, “I didn’t ask about your DC, I asked about it you”. Turns out, his DC ARE his life. So without them, he doesn’t have much yo talk about. Sad really…

I tried asking the friend " So tell me what's going on with you? Read any good books, seen any good films, done any interesting trips?". But she had nothing to say on anything but her daughters.

Essays?

There was a very amusing woman at an old playgroup I used to go to with DD1 about 30 years ago. If you happened to sit next to her, she’d go on and on about how her DD was the prettiest, most intelligent toddler there. Also her older sister (not present) was equally special.

I remember her showing me a photo of the older one, saying: “Isn’t she stunning?” I found this hilarious tbf. I used to go home and tell DP all about her, he enjoyed the tales too and would often greet me at the door with: “was Isn’t She Stunning there today?” Great memories.

I know one of these DM's . . . her DS was the brightest toddler because he could name every dinosaur. She taught him the word paleontologist and every conversation would start with "Tell Nigella what you're going to be when you grow up" and DS would reply "I'm going to be a paleontologist"

This continued all through his childhood ~ he was superb at every subject, musical instrument, sport and could beat any other child at chess

DS is now grown up and works in a factory but his DM keeps emphasising that he is a shift MANAGER