My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

Think it’s usually parents who don’t have enough going on in their own lives, so maybe feel insecure and need to boast .
problem is it’s very boring. I’d stop seeing her.

I think it’s problematic full stop to talk about your kids after a certain age - as they are their own people and we shouldn’t really be gossiping about them. I don’t like people updating me on their kids love lives, their friendship dramas, their work dramas etc - it feels disloyal to that young person.

your friend is a bore and actually weirdly disloyal to her kid - let the kid share her news with her own friends

What a bizarre take on this.

That's funny but I have black humour.

My sister does this all the time. Whenever we meet up she goes on about the beautiful, talented, super sporty and just so amazing wonder child - rarely asks about mine (one of whom has whooped wonder child’s arse with her grades, and the other who is much more successful in her sport) It’s relentless. she particularly focuses on how beautiful her daughter is when she’s just a nice looking girl like all girls at 20. Growing up my sister was always vain and obsessed with how she looks so I think she is living vicariously through the daughter, but my god it’s tiresome. I try to counter it with my own boasting to try to make her seem how ridiculous it is, but it falls on deaf ears and she just raises the bar even higher (eg ‘wonderchild was told by TWENTY FIVE PEOPLE that she should do modelling’ if I mention one of mine got approached by an agency, for example)

I've got two friends like this one notorious for bragging re her son. Her DH runs a close second and he's known as 'My Mike'.

She's a kind woman so I don't get it but if she's in a room with others it's boasting central.
My DS is talented but also a pain the arse so I don't compete.

Even the dog had to be from a crufts champion!

disagree!

if we share personal stuff about our kids they are likely to stop telling us - it’s not actually our news to tell

I don’t think it’s bizarre

No i agree i think its ok to ho into details about adult kids medical / sex life etc ONLY if the person you are gossiping with is unlikely to meet your child . I remember being v anxious wondering what detail ( if any ) my parents had shared with their friends

turns out my parents were v discrete

my brother and i had our first Baby at the same time , he was v v competitive over every aspect of their growth and development until she was diagnosed with medical and SEN developmental delays and he eventually stopped- but it took a few reminders that it was no longer a fair race before he stopped ! He has repeatedly denied she is autistic ( v annoying) - its the only time in this SEN journey that i am delighted by her diagnosed status as it got him off my back and stopped his unrelenting competitiveness

My granny does this about her other great grandchild (not my kids!) He’s only a toddler but seemingly gifted at everything 😂. I’m sure he’s lovely but the achievements are just standard for age. It’s very boring and puts me off visiting to be honest.

I'd be worried about the other child, the one she barely mentions. Personally as you are trying to avoid her anyway i would say to her that you are very concerned about how focused she is one one child and not the other. That it feels to you really quite obsessive and how does it feel to her children? Its got to the stage where you dont really want to talk to her because of it. It might make her think a bit and if it doesnt well, you've done your best.

It’s deeply bizarre. Only a complete nut job would ‘gossip’ about their own child — the underlying implication is mildly malicious and/or unfounded. Saying ‘Ben is thinking of moving to Japan with work’ isn’t ‘gossip’.

I agree there's no answer. It gets.really boring. Only way is to see less of them or even don't see them at all.

So are you implying op is jealous?

Are you friends with my sister?!

I haven’t RTFT but have a sister like this. Her dd was best at everything, and four years older than my eldest so obviously was always more advanced. She loathes anyone else’s child succeeding whether known to her or not. I once went to a concert at a world renowned music school, and mentioned to her about a truly amazing performer (who later went on to win Young Musician of the Year) - apparently her dd had been offered a scholarship to the school but dsis thought it was too narrow a curriculum (all bullshit, she’d have definitely been boasting about that).

My dd3 did turn out to be bright, ending up going to Oxford. Dsis can’t stand it and never once asked how she was doing etc, or even now about her career, only ever has a catty comment or two. It’s definitely affected our relationship.

Maybe you know my SIL. She’s a lovely woman but exhaustingly competitive about every single thing, including how accomplished her (perfectly nice but average) kids are. My kids are way older but she seems to want to do some sort of retrospective competition every time we meet.

I have a DN the same age as DD (19). All their lives I listened to SIL and MIL tell me what a genius he was. I must have heard a hundred times that in primary he was having work sent from a local secondary school because he was so bright.
I never noticed they didn't reveal his SATS. This went on for years. I'd pretty much just smile and nod every time I was told 'Tommy' was the cleverest in his year because there was no external way to verify their claims.
Then came the year DN and DD sat their GCSEs. Cue a post from SIL on SM congratulating DN on acing his, again tellingly no grades. DD is quite bright, but works equally hard. She did really well.
They had attended different schools. At 16 they moved on to the same 6th form. DD then found out DN scraped 5s at GCSE, that his DM had to push for him to be accepted at 6th form. He lasted five weeks.
DD gained A levels in maths, physics and chemistry all at grade A. There were no congratulations from DH's family. At least they've now shut up about genius 'Tommy.' It's him I feel sorry for.
MIL posted DD's A level grades on SM, DD wasn't hapy because before then she hadn't shown the slightest interest in her. She had no idea all her GCSEs at 16 were at the old grade A and above, including 9s. It was far too late in DD's eyes.
Even if your DC is some sort of prodigy, I'll never understand why parents (and GP) do this. It's such a bore, although I did feel a bit smug when they finally had to shut up.

I ended up withdrawing more and more and making excuses why I couldn’t meet up. I’m sure she was confused.

I’m sure she was too, because you didn’t just explain what the issue was. Why didn’t you?

Heaven help the poor sod who gets her for a mother in law.

Yes there is a difference. Ben is moving to Japan is ok if the person asked.

ben is so talented at languages and is being paid far more than in the uk is being a nob and also stepping over a boundary for Ben

Every time you try to change the subject and she switches back to her dd say something like this:

"Friend, we need to make your life more exciting, all you ever talk about is your dd, we need to get you some of your own accomplishments to brag about...by they way did I tell you that I am going to...."

If she then tries to go back to her dd say " Friend, can you hear yourself? You never want to hear what I want to talk about, you just drone on about your dd. I get that you are proud of her but frankly her life isn't that interesting for the rest of us. Is it that you aren't interested in me or have you just lost yourself in parenthood?"

@Nothung I actually see @Newgirls point on this. The woman I know who does it her daughter's are adults.
I've never met them but I know the ins and outs of their relationships/divorces, work lives, their children's lives, their housing and financial situations, basically anything they speak to their mother about gets reframed as a brag and shared. Really really intimate details. She always presents it as the daughters are perfect and making the absolute best decisions ever but really it often doesn't actually show them in a great light. I'd be mortified to find out my mum was telling people who are strangers to me everything I confide in her.

To use the Ben moving to Japan example, her daughter who is a SAHM's husband was offered a new job....but instead of 'they're really pleased that Andrew is starting with X company' (reasonable).... it's
'Jane doesn't need to work and she's so glad because she feels so sorry for mums who have to leave their children in nursery when it's soooo much better for them to have their mummy at home. They don't need her to work because Andrew has been head hunted by X company, they offered him 3 x his salary plus a Rolex and an Aston Martin as a company car to come and work for them, they wanted him so much that they're flying him to their headquarters in Italy to sign contracts' (company is headquartered in Scotland).
Then a month later it's how the job didn't work out but actually that's a good thing because he's too good for the company.

That's really nasty of you.

I had an auntie telling my Mum that nobody could ever love a daughter like she loved hers. In front of me!
Daughter was the best at everything! So clever..so beautiful..so.. golden child.
Many many years later whilst I had an amazing relationship with my quietly loving and supportive mum, my cousin moved as far away as possible and slowly decreased contact. My aunt is a lonely woman now. Even her other kids don't have much to do with her. Sad but she paid the price for her obsession.