My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

Irritating, isn't it?
I know afew people with perfect children who don't stop talking about how great they are

I tend to nod, smile and make impressed noises when people are talking about their children, whether prodigies or not. I have none of my own, so, if you like, it's not a competition in which I have an entry. I'm genuinely pleased if I hear that the child of someone I'm friendly with has done well in something, as I am over any good news people might share.

You could start off by asking how her Lizzie is doing, she then asks about your own presumably?
Then you say "that's enough about our dc now" and change the subject, If she doesn't take the hint you'll have a good excuse to pull back from the friendship.

I had a friend i met through the primary school gate many years ago. She was the same as you're friend, OP. Her dc's were exceptional talented, special and she would go into so much detail about everything and anything. I didnt like it when she would talk badly of another child or parent and told her it was unkind but it went over her head. I started to distance myself but then she got a job in the school and started to socialise outside work with the teachers.

Roll on to recently. I havent spoken or seen her in around 7 years but I was walking my dog through our village and bumped into her. She was at her hobby which was in the place I live. We had a quick chat and she was the same as before. She then asked if I had changed my number which I haven't. Next day I had the longest messages from her about their lives, what I had missed in 7 years, etc. Also around 50 photos, videos and I just thought why would she think I would be interested as we haven't crossed paths until recently. She mentioned meeting but I said I have so much going on and wouldnt have the time which is true. I rather see my friends who I enjoy seeing and I make time for them than to catch up with someone just to be polite. Life is far to short.

I know two people like this and they’re both single parents where dad is completely out of the picture. Both of my friends are nice people and I’ve known them for years before they were parents. I might be wrong but for both of them I feel like it’s coming from a bit of insecurity about how well they’re doing and needing a bit of reassurance. If we’re on the subject of our kids, I make sure to talk about my fuck ups any crap my kids have pulled. I’m trying to give the message that we’re all muddling along and no one needs to be doing a perfect job. I can’t say my method has massively worked but it’s helps me to be sympathetic towards them instead of irritated!

I no worked with a woman like this. Her son was the most divine being to ever draw breath! He was a spoiled brat in all honestly. Her desk was like a shrine with pictures everywhere, even around the screen. She was always taking extra treats home and had to be told many times to wait till everyone had had some. Every 3rd word out her mouth was his name. She had a little girl afterwards and this little girl was 2nd best and she wasn’t interested in her at all. All she did was moan about the youngest and big up the older one!

My MIL has a friend like this - all she does is talk about her amazing son - it took me 10 years to realise she actually has 3 children (she never mentions the other 2)

I have something going on like this with customers at work

Their two dgs's are the best humans to ever walk the planet

They are the best behaved/intelligent/bright/talented/beautiful/clever boys you've ever met

Their teachers have never met such clever children,their friends are in awe of them (over and above their own grandchildren) and every single thing they have ever done is bragged about

They are lovely and sweet kids but their grandparents go on and on about them like they are the next pope

I mentioned to a colleague that id just become a grandma and was called over by them only to be told that my new grandchild would never be as good/beautiful/talented as their boys are-everything they touch turns to gold and if I was lucky,my new grandchild might touch something and have it turn into metal

Im just grateful im not their friends-im just someone who works at the place they've come to eat and can wander off when it gets too much

If im honest,I dread them coming in and I have been known to hide when they do

Update. Chloe is now a young adult. A nice girl with a good job. Nothing exceptional

It will sound a bit funny but I’m glad that Chloe ended up okay (even if not as utterly brilliant as her mother thought her as a child). I hear too many stories where a “brilliant child” goes off the rails / becomes anorexic / moves to another country and it makes me very sad.

There was a school mum who lived down our road growing up with dcs in mine and my siblings year.
I remember her so well as everyone avoided her, as she lived down our road we used to play with the kids and she would come over and talk to my mum for hours about her amazing children.
I remember she moved to a new area and we saw her in the supermarket and I distinctly remember her telling my mum she thought the people in her new area were unfriendly and rude and that when she went to knock for people along her new road she saw them hiding behind the sofas.
Quite sad really as she clearly had no clue how she came across to anyone.

I think someone earlier up the thread referred to this as 'daughter flexing' and I think the type of person who does this also tends to 'life flex'...

Years ago I chatted to a woman at an after school club who told me she loved my child's state primary but her in laws wouldn't allow her to send their grand child there so she had 'no choice' but to plop him into the elite prep school next door...Later I mentioned a friend's daughter was about to start at X secondary school and she responded how her daughter was so bored there because she was so clever and they had to send her to an even more academic school to stop the daughter from moaning...it was just endless, she couldn't stop. I made a random comment about carrying laundry up the stairs and pretending I was getting my steps in and lo and behold, she lived in a 5 storey townhouse on the most exclusive road in our area, so many stairs, she's up and down all day 🤣

I truly think she had no clue how she came across. It was really bizarre behaviour. There has to be some insecurity there...

I wouldn't say no to her 5 storey townhouse tho! 😁

I too find it excruciatingly boring when parents boast about how great their children are. I usually just change the subject.

I think it’s a sign of insecurity on the parent’s part and it does their child no favors. Sometimes they’ve been suckered eg there is a tennis coach where I live who says your child shows real promise. It’s just to sucker you in to paying for loads of tennis lessons. I am surprised that so many parents fall for it!

You clearly won't miss her as a friend so try being utterly frank.

"Do you realise, friend, that you always talk about your lovely daughter? I have heard so much about her that I can not hear another story about her, sorry. Could you please refrain from bringing her up whenever we meet.. I wish her the best, truly, but I do not wish to hear about her. Tell me your news instead."

Print the request and hand it to her one day when you meet.
It can not end any worse than it is now.

Looking at this from a child point of view

Im the eldest (and only girl) and have 3 brothers (last two are twins)

All my life i had to hear how stupid I am,would never go anywhere in life and my best bet was to marry and have dc-thats if I ever got a mention at all

My other brothers (bro 1 and bro 4) barely got anything nice said about them either

My brother (twin 1,3rd child) was almost god

Every single minute,he was the best at everything,the funniest of us all,unbelievably clever,his teachers loved and adored him,he was the best of the best and everything he said or touched turned into the most precious gold

He could do what he wanted with no consequences as he is such a special boy (if we'd done things that he did,like light up a joint in class,our ears would still be ringing-he had it laughed off and she told the teacher he'd done nothing wrong and when he pushed a classmate into the swimming pool in a fit of temper,she claimed hed been off school that day when the police called)

She would brag (in all our earshot) about how bloody wonderful he was-to every single person she ever met,we'd be lucky to get a mention

We grew up

Turns out he isnt clever at all-he just parrots what our very intelligent father says,she got called into school endlessly as hes a bully,he was expelled from school,he dropped out of collage within the first 3 weeks,he cant hold down a job and spends all his time laid on her sofa smoking weed and doing any drug he can get his hands on,all on her dime and acting like he owns their house

He steals,lies,is a bully towards her and has cost her thousands of pounds on drugs alone (we'll gloss over the 5* holidays and non payment of rent)

But she still brags about what an amazing,selfless and generous human being he is

Me?

I went nc years ago and she cant understand why

My other brothers did try to spell it out to her,she refused to listen so they went low contact with her

This is awful but maybe if your mother had actually disciplined him, treated him like a normal child rather than a god and given him consequences for his actions he would have turned out ok.

Children brought up to believe they are the best, most beautiful, intelligent, academic child in the planet rarely become normal functioning members of society as adults.

My sister in law is like this. Her daughter is now 10 and since the day she was born we’ve all had to make her the centre of attention / revel in her presence and watch her performance parenting. We have a child 2 years younger who is always pushed to the side by her as she wants to show her daughter off / acknowledge something her daughter has just done (always usual kid stuff ie ‘oh look how funny Gracie is she’s just done a funny dance’).

we went out for dinner and her daughter thanked the waitress when we were leaving along with everyone else. Her mum literally grinned like a Cheshire Cat and looked round at all of us to make sure we had noticed. It’s so draining.

no advice sorry, but wanted to sympathise.

He had no chance

He was brought up to believe he was the best of the best and an amazing human being who's every word had to be hung onto and every action praised

He's as damaged as the rest of us are thanks to our parents (not so much my father as he was never there) but in a different way-his twin refuses to have anything to do with him

He's a product of our environment

Is your brother... Andrew Mountbatten Windsor?

Hahahaha

He thinks hes as important but he hates (and I mean hates) babies/kids/young teens/women/men who dont take his nonsense

To the point he banned myself and my dc from going to their grandparents (before I went nc) and our parents told me we wherent welcome at their house anymore

They also refused to babysit them at mine in case it upset him

He's just a bully who is going to meet someone bigger than him one day

He share many traits with Andy

I suspect this friendship has run its course, OP. She has a huge passion project in her daughter and nothing, but nothing else comes close to being as exciting or fun as she is.

I sometimes wonder how parents like this manage when their children go to school. Are they the ones who go over their time for the parent’s evening slot?

I had a parent who wrote to me thanking me for her daughter's school report, but pointing out that I hadn't really put across how exceptional her daughter is.

I didn't respond.

🤣🤣🤣 it’s literally the only response

Its a very situation for you all but he sounds intolerable now. The best thing you did for yourself was go NC. Unfortunately most people brought up this way do end up being insufferable to those around them.

OP I see you are friends with my sister. I wish I could just drop her the way I would drop a friend who did this