My daughter is exceptional and she is the best

[fluffycushion9]

How do you deal with a friend who always behaves in this way and never stops talking about her DD and never about herself?

I distanced from her for a year as it was driving me insane. Saw her briefly the other day and she hadn’t changed one bit. I made it clear that I’d rather hear about herself (implied not so much her 18 yo prodigy child, who isn’t really that exceptional but she’s always been her obsession. Guess unresolved childhood and all). She wasn’t impressed and I haven’t heard from her since, which is fine.

Those that have a friend like this - how do you steer away from the same, repetitive topic? I’ve tried doing this but she brings it back again saying “oh I just want to finish off what I wanted to say” and starts another burst of monologue…

I also think that my daughter is the best person ever, but I manage to keep that thought inside my own head 😂

Yes, this would be so annoying.

Someone who has only one topic of conversation is not someone I would want as a friend.

Try working with a lemon like this. I used to sit in my car to have my lunch to get away from the constant noise and she used to tap on the window and demand I speak to her even though the phone was ringing and it was her job to answer it.

She even used to come into work to speak to us when she was on annual leave. We all thought we were getting a break from her but - no. Awful.

You've tried various things OP, but she's immune. This is who she is now. Just step away. It's insufferable behaviour. Say 'I have too much on at the moment to arrange to meet. I'll be in touch when I'm ready' and then don't.

My step son’s mum is like this- described him once without a hint of humour as a ‘great orator’ (he was 7) I literally had to feign a choking fit to maintain harmonious relations…

He is absolutely a really bright, academically gifted kid but it’s like this isn’t enough for her, he has to be universally acknowledged as best?! The way she describes him online makes him sound like quite an unpleasant, arrogant little know it all when in our experience he is very bright, yes, but also kind, funny, laid back, quite thoughtful and considerate of his youngest sibling. It’s hard in a blended family as obviously we don’t want to downplay or neg one of the kids but in the same breath we wouldn’t frame the other kids’ achievements in competition with eachother?! He’s also the eldest so yes, very much the tallest/fastest/reading the most complex books, obviously.

My mum was like this. But in a very loving way. I was an only child. I did achieve a lot academically.

I guess I see it as normal and okay for parents to think their children are wonderful/ unusual.

My mum had a friend at work who was the mother of a well known child actor. They loved talking to each other about their kids.

I try not to annoy people too much talking about mine, I guess. But I think part of being a parent is to be there for your kids and believe in them.

Yep I have this although her child is clearly SEN and she is just in complete denial so I felt sympathetic enough to let it slide for a few years.

I found it was a lot better when we met up without the kids but even after not seeing mine for a year she still found ways to boast about hers and make bitchy comments about mine. So yeah, I don't see her anymore!

But saying ‘Sarah’s got a place on a grad scheme at Deloitte’ isn’t what this thread is about. It’s about people who talk and boast about their adult offspring and the minutiae of their lives for hours on end and find any excuse to turn the conversation back to them. One of the reasons it’s wrong (apart from being boring) is that the child as an independent adult, not an extension of their parent.

Would you be comfortable if you knew one of your parents was spending literal hours talking about you and your life to people you don’t know? I certainly wouldn’t.

I was taking issue with the term ‘gossiping’ used by a previous poster. I don’t think someone boasting about their child’s achievements, however tiresome, is ‘gossip’. Is it dull? Yes. Is it a sign of someone with poor social skills and an inability to tell when they’re boring someone? Yes. Is it someone who doesn’t have enough going on in their own life! Yes. ‘Gossip’? Nope.

My sister (no contact) is like this about her son. I feel sorry for her to be honest. And the child.

Actually I agree with you. A very close family member of dh sees everything as "family gossip". I mean everything gets passed on, spoke about so we tell her very little as our children and our family life is not "family gossip".

We have a neighbour who does this about her daughter and when 'Chloe' was pregnant, obviously everything about her was even more wonderful. My absolute favourite thing she said - and you need to bear in mind that my partner and I are are ex headteachers - was how "well organised" Chloe was and this was "obviously because she's a graduate, you know".

We smiled and went on our way, but I remarked that it makes clear that neighbour has never paid any attention at all to who we are, what we used to do and the fact that despite being a four times graduate, I'm the most disorganised person on the planet.

At this point maybe just flat out tell her you would very much like to hear more about her and less about her daughter.

My friends mum was like this. Whenever I saw her in public she was bleeting on about how great her DD was. I do think this had an Affect on her DD. She suffered from eating disorders. She lived a double life as she couldn’t be herself around her mum and both her and her Dad were right rebels. I don’t know if she was overcompensating or just had nothing else to talk about

I was brought up in a world where it was considered poor form to boast about yourself/your children.

I wonder what causes this obsessive boasting? Empty lives of the parents? Fewer children than previous generations? Insecurity and worry in an increasingly insecure world? Just never been told it’s bad manners?

As above but, in this instance ‘chloe’ is living in USA and has very little to do with mother…too much pressure and expectation I would guess

We have an entire friendship group like this, all couples trying to outdo each other. They use words like “thriving” and “exceptional”. If one announces their DC has just been given a pay rise at Deloittes to £240K, another one will pipe up that theirs has won a Nobel prize for being the greatest child ever born. They never stop!

DH and I find it highly amusing. When they ask us “How are your lot doing?” we just reply “Oh they’re all good, thanks” and the conversation quickly reverts to their wunderkinds. I don’t think most of them even know our DCs’ names!

Normally deep rooted insecurity or having been brought up with a false sense of inflated self esteem, spoilt by other family members even as adults and to much social media exposure which means they dont realise how poor form this behaviour is.

So was I! I remember a Times columnist (many years ago) writing that, when talking about your own children, it is only really all right to say things like “Oh dear. So dim and awkward. We’ll just have to hope for the best”. She was being funny … but it struck a nerve.

Yep, same here. My mum used to tell me it was a dreadful habit to be boastful so I’ve always thought that way. My mum was very proud of me but she didn’t tell everyone.
I know someone who boasts about her grandchildren constantly. They are the best at everything, get all the awards at school, are top of every activity they do… that sort of thing.
I just smile and try to change the subject after a while!

It’s generally people who are surprised that their children achieve, who do it. Rather shooting themselves in the foot. 😂

Probably true!
I was a proper class swot/genius child in primary school and won every award going and was always top of the class, getting special merits from the headteacher (in the days when this wasn’t something they did very often!) If my mum had told all her friends about this, she’d have looked like a dreadful boastful mother and I’d have looked like a precocious little Einstein in the making 😂
It was kept quiet. Close family knew I was bright and school friends knew because they witnessed my various school accolades on a daily basis, but never in a million years would my mum have talked about it other than “yes she’s doing well at school, thank you” if anyone asked after me.

Boasting is an awful trait.

I seem to have been surrounded by them… I’ve just remembered another corker from another mum friend who was absolutely besotted with her 11 year old son.

She said to me wistfully once… ‘I just watch him and all the time and wonder what he’s thinking, I just want to be in his head…’ (this is on the back of her endlessly going on about how fantastic he was). It made me feel uneasy how obsessed she was. He was obviously embarrassed by it too. He was shockingly rude to her once when we were together and she laughed it off but I could tell he was irked with her constant fawning.

I used to try and steer the conversation around to her younger dd who was a lovely kid and clearly lived in the shadow of golden boy but no, this quite nice but ordinary boy was her whole heart. I felt sorry for his sister.

I think it’s good you were honest.

I have a friend who has one son at Cambridge and one at Birmingham. She is constantly posting on Instagram about the one at Cambridge, and drops the name of the college into every conversation. She never wants to talk about the child in Birmingham and never posts about her visits to see him. It’s quite sad.