AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

What responses are you hoping for here?

Maybe give him space to recover first?

Yeh crack on hun
you do you boo
🙄

🥱 I doubt this is real

🚩🚩🚩 Here's a few of these, if it is real- you can have them

He is a vulnerable person that cannot consent to a relationship. You would be preying on him.

Yes, completely delusional.

Please ask MN to move this to the mental health board. You will get more responses from people who have partnered those with MH issues. AIBU can be harsh.

Mental health conditions of that severity are very often relapsing conditions. Think about what the future would look like. Also he is vulnerable and possibly irrational / delusional right now. Not the best point to insert yourself into his life.

Well I imagine you’ll wait for him to be released and a bit better first ?

I obviously can’t speak for him but someone vulnerable and unwell probably will need to take it very slowly - perhaps you could meet up as a friend first ?

I wouldn't date him whilst he is still currently detained under the MHA as clearly hes still unwell
Maybe when hes been discharged and.hes stable you can think about it.

Yes that’s how it would be.

He is in the process of assessment etc and will be moving into his own place in the next few months.

I am mindful that he is vulnerable and that’s my main concern.

Maybe just be his friend for now... wait to see how he gets on and go from there. But as of now... friends.

Um, can he consent?

Harsh and totally ignorant/judgey it seems.

Thanks for the heads up re the MH forum.

Definitely delusional, Jesus Christ!

It did make me chuckle though, the image of MN hanging around outside hospitals and homeless shelters in the hope of getting a date. I know the apps are pretty rubbish but surely things aren’t that dire that we need to target the vulnerable?!

Where is your self esteem that you are seriously thinking of dating someone who is objectively VERY mentally unwell and unlikely to be a stable partner for a very long time?

Why would you choose to become embroiled in such inevitable drama?

I had a relationship with a man who at points in the time we were together was sectioned.

I was very yoing and looking back it wasn't wise on my part.

He was very fragile and vulnerable and of course extremely up and down both emotionally and in his recovery

Could you consider being a friend for now ? And see how his recovery goes

Some very nasty and ignorant comments here btw.

Oh I have a friend know someone like this. Gets involved in ridiculous relationships thinking she can ‘fix’ them; and is then surprised when it’s not plain sailing,
OP - you don’t know him. You know severely mentally unwell him. I’d say be a friend to him but you seem like hard work so maybe do him a favour and leave him be.

My DH has 2 siblings who have schizophrenia and bipolar. One takes the medication that is prescribed and leads a very normal life, has a full time job and you would never know she had any mental illness. She has been sectioned several times about 10+ years ago, she then got a definite diagnosis and prescribed medication and has been fine since. I wouldn't describe her as vulnerable.
His DB has the same diagnosis but refuses to take medication and every year like clockwork he has an episode that requires sectioning, sometimes for up to two months (it's prolonged as he refuses medication once he's in a position to consent). In the first weeks of him being an inpatient he would not be in any fit state to be in a relationship, even if it's just over text. After the episode calms he is fairly 'normal' and has full capacity, but they always keep him in for longer to try to convince him medicate. Apart from the psychotic episode, which lasts 3 days-2 weeks, I wouldn't say he's vulnerable more a PITA.

What sort of section is he under and what is his background?

some people are so poorly for life that a romantic relationship is pretty much you being a carer. Some people love to be needed like that, of course.

some people are sectioned after being extremely unwell and recover to live a full life

However, it sounds like your potential date is on a 6 month section. It seems unlikely this id his first section which indicates a very poorly man who is or will be in and out for life.

Also think it’s really inappropriate for OP and others to be joking about being delusional 🙄

If you're sectioned you're not really in control of your life in any shape or form. You're bound to the ward and it's rules so I don't think it would be easy to start a meaningful relationship. You're also considered to not be capable of making reasonable decisions about your day to day life.

I would say friendship yes, but anything serious I'd only consider once the person was well enough to live in the community.

Even then I'd proceed with caution as being with someone who is unwell enough to need inpatient treatment, they might not ever be able to fully recover.

Being with someone very mentally unwell can be extremely distressing and negativity impact your own MH sadly.

Before I met my DH, I dated a really lovely man who’d been in and out of mental hospital his whole life. It had ruined his first marriage and his relationship with his young children. I decided that life was not for me, or one that I could inflict on my kids. He went on to marry again, is now divorced again. It’s not something that you should be aiming for in a relationship.