For thinking it is odd for trans men to give birth

[Overthinkingotter]

Talked to friend today and got on subject of trans men having babies. I said that, imo, being pregnant/giving birth is the last thing I’d want to do as a trans man as surely the process of pregnancy would be incredibly triggering for someone with gender dysphoriac? I the said that, if I were a trans man who wanted a baby, I’d most likely find an alternative way rather than carrying the baby myself.

I thought this was quite a mild comment, but fried reacted as if I had said something quite offensive/bigoted.
Is my view really so unreasonable/extreme?

Very random conversation!!

I don't think so as I agree with you.

Being pregnant and giving birth is what some women do so I agree with you. If you want to be a man act like a man, men don’t give birth

It's almost like being trans doesn't make any sense... 🤔

Yep. Apparently men who identify as women are so triggered at anything manly that they could not possibly do park run under the male results category, and saying they should do is literally trans genocide.

But women who identify as men are totally able to give birth and still feel manly.

Its almost as if none of it makes sense, and man who identify as women are manufacturing their distress at having to do anything remotely manly to emotionally manipulate women into giving them what they want - just like male abusers of women do.

I have the same questions as you.
If someone is gender dysphoric to the point that they need to transition, then how do they cope psychologically going through with the biological process of the gender they rejected?

Maybe it would be triggering for some, but it's obviously not for all.

Also, your friend sounds like an arse for reacting that way.

It’s absolutely crackers. I had to leave a breastfeeding group as the obsession with so called non-binary women chest feeding (because while they can feed a baby from their breast but not read the word breast) was doing my head in. Women, who may not like pink, long hair or baking, who have heterosexual sex, conceive babies, birth babies and breast feed, but you can’t call any of that by its real name cos they’re special and more interesting than boring old fashioned women.

It makes no sense because in most cases its utter bollocks to begin with!

You’re absolutely right. The trans nonsense is just contradiction after contradiction. Why anyone is taken in by any of it is beyond me.

If you want to carry a pregnancy and birth a child you're a biological female.
You cant have it all ways.

'Men' birthing is yet another way of denigrating women.

I think it’s a fair comment, why did your friend get offended ?

Because it's the modern way... To be offended..

My DP is a trans man and agrees with the OP.

However, people differ wildly and so do their opinions.

There was a documentary on bbc4 the other night, 3 dad's and a baby. No surprise the 'dad' who was pregnant was trans.

I mean, yeah, it is hugely dysphoric for some trans men and can be quite a complicated thing, but there aren't many other ways to have a child if you're a trans man in a relationship with a cis man or a trans woman so some trans men decide having a child is really important to them and that they will just make it work. I really don't think it's that hard to understand if you just assume that trans men are humans with normal human emotions and complications and desires?

I can't understand a transman that actively wants to be pregnant, like, pregnancy is something they've always desired.

However, I can understand someone doing it because they are in a couple where it is safer for them to conceive. I think that because while I think it would cause my husband great difficulty to be pregnant, he would do it if he could and it was the safest way for us to have biological children.

I think get it, well as much as I can because I'm not a trans man.

People put themselves through all sorts in order to have babies, I've known people be hospitalised throughout, people terrified of hospitals or medical interventions, people going through the absolute hell of IVF, people who have literally risked their lives to be pregnant etc.

Sometimes the urge to have a child comes before anything else and you put your feelings aside in order to have one.

Your post makes so much more sense if you replace the word trans man with the word woman. Yes, the easiest way for heterosexual women in relationships with man to have babies is to have sex and get pregnant. Yes women are humans with normal women's emotions, feelings and desires, such as the desire to get pregnant and have a baby.

You won’t ever get a straight answer to this.

and I have no issue with an individual trans man choosing to go through pregnancy, it’s natural to want a child and conceiving is easier than adopting (which is impossible for many people to pass the vetting process).

But it’s like many people are afraid of any kind of questioning and introspection. A lot of allies get defensive if you dare to ask anything like this.

The person giving birth may identify as male (gender) but the biological sex is still female.

It’s all nonsense.

Yet men who identify as women can't put their ' feelings' aside and compete in men's sport categories or keep out of women's spaces? For them its vital its 100% woman-ess all the time.

Funny women can put up with overcoming their dysphoria ( such as competing in the women's category in sport as they'd never win in the mens' or having babies) but men can never, ever overcome their dysphoria ever. Funny that.

Not sure why you quoted me there. I never mentioned trans women or sports 🤨

I'm bisexual so I didn't know if I would end up with a man or a woman. What I did know is that I wanted to be a parent and raise children with my partner as co-parents. As I was aware that other person could be a woman, my feelings weren't oriented solely around carrying the baby and birthing it. I can imagine that is the same for many others who arent in traditional heterosexual relationships but want to be parents.

I’m currently on maternity leave after birthing a baby.

Do you think my husband could identify as a woman therefore his paternity leave turning into maternity leave with all the added benefits?

But also OP fully agree with you. How can carrying a baby in your womb not be triggering but being exposed to words associated with being the person that gives birth I.e. mother/female ward/breastfeeding/woman’s centre too much to handle.