For thinking it is odd for trans men to give birth

[Overthinkingotter]

Talked to friend today and got on subject of trans men having babies. I said that, imo, being pregnant/giving birth is the last thing I’d want to do as a trans man as surely the process of pregnancy would be incredibly triggering for someone with gender dysphoriac? I the said that, if I were a trans man who wanted a baby, I’d most likely find an alternative way rather than carrying the baby myself.

I thought this was quite a mild comment, but fried reacted as if I had said something quite offensive/bigoted.
Is my view really so unreasonable/extreme?

Well clearly that is exactly what happens. The question is why would it feel right for someone who is convinced they are a man?

I can't see anyone suggesting that being trans means you can't have a family.

But for the love of god, don't go round forcing others to refer to you asthe 'father' when you've given birth to that child.

I get that..but if they are accepting the biological realities that come with being a pregnant female, I don't think its right for incredibly busy NHS staff dealing with them to have to tiptoe around language and pretend they are really men. If notes say 'mother' or use female pronouns I think it should be accepted that in this very specific medical context it absolutely matters that the biology is right.

This is a concern even if they stop during pregnancy there could still be some issues. Continuing during pregnancy would just be so reckless.

Great point! Totally agree

This thread seems to be mostly about what other people think trans people should think.

What I find fucking rude is that the NHS has changed terminology and language around women and pregnancy to sound sterile and objectifying. That's disgusting I'm glad this was all before my time. The term chest feeding is an abomination as is referring to mothers as a random birthing parent. Language matters and if this was imposed on any other population group in the world there would be an outcry of appropriation, discrimination and worse. These terms should be on offer for those who are T and wish to be spoken to in this absurd manner.

I know an academic who is non binary so a woman but a they/them. They have been running workshops with maternity and postnatal support providers to ensure non binary and trans people aren’t mis-gendered during their care. This is their actual research right now and the uni is paying for them to undertake this. It must be such a tiny, tiny minority of pregnant women.

I think its about non trans people trying to get some understanding of why a person who has rejected their biological female identity would go through the most female thing there can possibly be..the one truly non negotiable, you have to be female to do it thing. Its not an easy thing. Saying 'they want a child' is fine, but there are other options for that than pregnancy. If you're rejecting all the typical.female stereotypes and tropes, why embrace this one?

Not to mention the hormones and all kinds of subtle biological functions that are needed to grow a baby.
A man would have to be on so many drugs and hormones that you can’t imagine how fucked up the baby would be.

They stop testosterone obviously. Plenty of women give birth on SSRIs the baby has to withdraw from for their mental illness. At least the trans men stop.

If you couldn't get pregnant and your male partner could, do you think he would assume the burden and risk of pregnancy in the same way you did? Or do you think you just wouldn't have bio kids because he would not put himself through that?

Do you worry about the babies of mentally ill women who have been on strong psychiatric drugs for the duration of their pregnancy? Do you worry about the baby being raised by someone with a diagnosis of a serious mental illness?

It’s absolute insanity!!

I think just because I said something other than ‘oh no it’s wonderful and normal and makes complete sense’.

I am married to a trans man and he completely agrees with you. He would love to have a child but there is no possible way he would entertain having a pregnancy.

A trans man is a woman though, at birth.

So would you not have kids unless you can carry them? Your man wouldnt do that for your family?

I don’t for a single second think this is more important or urgent than Gaza, Iran etc, obviously! I’m sure you’ve discussed something other than the headlines today.

Also, you can engage with one topic whilst simultaneously being aware of the ‘real problems facing our world today’. I just didn’t feel the urge to start a thread about Iran, Gaza etc. What would I say? World is a horrible mess, run by megalomaniac war lords? We all know that anyway.

It’s so reassuring to hear (in my opinion) rational trans voices I.e. I live as a man, so why would I give birth?

I can understand both sides really. As both men and women want kids and if men had the power and agency to control pregnancy for themselves I imagine they’d want to.

so by that thought process they’ve decided to keep that privilege ?

But I can also understand the idea that if you are a transman you would want to live life as authentically. But then again you’re not a man you are a transman so be transman which means you can get pregnant.

‘She’

As I always say on these threads, I wish half as much effort went into eliminating language discrimination for non-English-speaking and Deaf birthing women for whom outcomes are demonstrably worse. Women and babies have died for lack of language support. But no, let's spunk the budget on rainbow lanyards

From my understanding it is very triggering for them but obviously it's cheaper and more accessible than ivf, surrogate, adoption.

Honestly I think most people are odd and we can't put ourselves in their shoes to actually understand what we would do if we were them so I tend to just leave people to it if they're not actively trying to hurt people.

Of course yanbu, OP.
It's f* ing bonkers.
So you say you identify as a man yet you want to give birth?! Something that is wholly female?!

F*ing bonkers. I've had enough of this trans stuff.