To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

I've commented on a post like this before. There is an abundance of psychological and population research showing that the youngest children in a school year perform below the average. That 9-12mths is something they rarely fully make up, all the way through university. Now many will post here and say that their August baby did the same and never had a problem, and I too have an uncle who lived to 100 smoking 50 woodbines a day. But smoking is still bad for you on balance, as is starting school too soon. I would defer if you feel you're really missing out and it is likely to be good for her too

See how she goes and just keep it in your mind that she doesn't have to go until she's five, in case she isn't ready. Plan fun things out of school to spend some quality time together. Also for the first few weeks she won't be there all day.

@curious79 i know the research but it is for the most part August born boys who struggle. I don’t honestly think academically she’ll be at a disadvantage, but I’ll revise it if I think it’s really best for her to do another year with me. There is a financial hit to that though so it’s only really something I could justify if she was clearly at a disadvantage. I just wish she’d been born a few weeks later.

It's fine to defer and it would likely benefit her to do so, as well as be nice for both of you.

I have a a deferred child btw, and it's really not an issue.

Also for the first few weeks she won't be there all day this varies from school to school, at her primary school they will be.

I’m not UK based so that definitely colours my view on this but I don’t understand why British children, especially English, start school so young. Very many other European countries are five, six or even seven before starting school (obviously with good pre school provision for the 2/3 years before primary school starts) I know it’s cultural but school is a serious business for long enough without starting at a young four.

@curious79 the difference is though that smoking is a complete lottery, whereas parents know their children and can make an informed choice.

Op I wonder if your child is like mine was, champing at the bit to learn and very extroverted. It wouldn't have been the right decision for her to defer, she has loved school and kept up no problem. It really is about the individual child.

Also you're worrying about something that is 18 months away! Things will be completely different then and you might find you naturally make a decision in time.

Deferral doesn’t have many negative consequences these days. Unless she’s very mature for her age I would
consider deferring.

I have a child who would have been young in the year and every single professional with relevant experience I spoke to (health visitor, primary teacher friends, GP) said that they recommend deferring 100% of the time because it only has benefits for the child, no downsides. There is an abundance of evidence that young in the year children are disadvantaged compared to their peers.

I wouldn't think twice. Defer, enjoy the year, knowing it's the best thing for her.

Have you looked into Flexi schooling for the first year? It seems like a thing people do now.

I know @LayaM although I’m not worried about it to be fair - I’m sure she’ll be fine, it’s me I’m a bit sad about. That’s why I can’t honestly say I think she should be deferred a year; plus it would literally cost thousands, we’d find the money if she needed it but I don’t think she will. Just a bit sad!

And I'll add, I had no academic concerns - my child is very clever, can read and write (largely self taught after I'd covered the basics with them), interested in absolutely everything, whip smart. Would have been absolutely fine academically starting school at four. But I'm still so glad we deferred, because the benefits of an extra year for social and emotional development, extended play and time spent together have been enormous.

Send her part time. Most schools do literacy and number in the morning then continuous provision the rest of the day.

I feel exactly the same! Really debating deferring. There is so much difference between a nearly 5yr old and a just turned 4yr old

I have an excelling 13 year old boy, born in August. He did half days in school from 3y2 w and full days from 4y1w. He was ready for it. I wasn’t aware of any of the younger kids struggling, although I might not have known. It was all play based learning.

The research so far is only really on primary age, as this wasn’t a massive thing two decades ago. Those who did defer twenty years ago that we have university data on really really needed to defer so that cohort aren’t a good one to base decisions on.

What I’m seeing as a secondary school PE teacher is some very very unhappy children who are rather cross that they should have been in the year ahead. They can’t represent the school in sport with their cohort, and the year 13s are absolutely fuming that they should be on their gap year!

People will tell you that you’re being silly but I agree with you. Some of the youngest in my DCs reception year who were worlds apart from the older ones.

But then, I think that school shouldn’t start till they’re about 7 as they do in places like Denmark anyway.

I think deferring is entirely child dependent. All these studies might be on to trends but both my summer born boys are the academic ones of the family. My two winter children (October and December) are very much not academic, 1 left school with a handful of passes at gcse and the second is about to sit with the very real likelihood that he’ll achieve 4’s and 5’s across the board.

1 of my summer borns is on track for 2 x a⭐️, 1 x A and 1x B in his A-levels.

What I’m trying to say is it depends on the child.

I really noticed it with DC1. August baby and now a young adult. No option to defer back then. DC1 finally started finding their (very high ability) groove in year 6. I think if they had been slightly less intelligent or a little less driven, it would have been a different story.

When they started reception, they liked it but it was also obviously a very stressful experience. For roughly the first term of reception they would wet themselves every single day at home; even though they had been reliably dry for over a year. Through most of primary school they were are always at ‘expected’ level even though it was obvious (to me at least) that they were very bright). When it came to the year 6 SATS, they were only entered for the lower maths paper. They failed the 11+ (which is at the start of year 6). Around half way through year 6, the teacher started telling me that DC1 was making a lot of progress especially in maths. In year 7, they did loads of tests on day 2 or 3 and got the highest score in maths for the whole year group of 250 kids!

Roll on many more years and DC1 got a 1st from Imperial and now works full time as a scientist. But yes i definitely agree thar summer born kids are at a serious disadvantage and DC2 (also summer born) would have had far fewer struggles if they had been deferred. DC1 was definitely intellectually ready for school but not emotionally. I’m less sure what would have been best for DC1.

It seems very young your not BU being skeptical of it. Above the border and they can start as late as 6 and you get the 30 hours free preschool until that point. Scotland is trying to move to a more Nordic way for all the reasons people have posted above.

I’ve always wondered, what does the childcare arrangements look like in these countries for the 4-6 year olds?

So if you defer, you can't play sports with your classmates? I have a boy born on 31 August so I'm looking at deferring in a few years too, I haven't seen this before. Is it school dependant?

Not sure I get the gap year comment, surely they will have a gap year if they want it?

My August born boy got the top GCSE’s in the school, so I wouldn’t overly worry about summer born children. Yes they can be a little behind at first, compared to children almost a year older, but there’s plenty of time to even that up. Just enjoy the time you have, before you know it they’ll be an adult. The school holidays come around often!

I'm from a European country where we only went to school at age 6. Preschool was a lot like school in that we had some lessons but also a lot of play. So we did learn how to read and even had English language classes and a few others but at least 50% of the day was play. And we finished the day at 5/6pm, like nursery, so it's very convenient for parents!!

I could read and write by age 6 so it's not like it's all sitting around but it was much less structure than what you have in the UK.

I also felt this with my summer baby. With my winter baby it felt like I had a lot more time.