To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

@scissorsinthekitchen I completely understand.

DD1 is summer born and I have friends who had babies in the September or November of the same year. It just seemed so unfair that they were going to get almost an extra year with their babies!

We had no reason to defer, she was ready for school and she’s been absolutely fine academically and socially. Like you, I was just sad to be losing some of our time together.

I then went on to have another summer baby so will be in the same situation again in a couple of years!

I remember thinking this about my June and August born DS’s but it all worked out really well. They both started school being able to read so I had no academic concerns and made lovely some lovely friends. School finished at 3 so it didn’t seem too much longer than the half day nursery sessions they went to before school.

Not sure what you on about the cost, you still get the funding if you defer her. Children don’t have to be in school until their 5th birthday.

Oh my God @scissorsinthekitchen my oldest goes to Kindergarten this coming September and I'm super emotional about it.
Solidarity. 🧡

Deferred our July born daughter, and there hasn’t been a single day we’ve regretted it. She stayed an extra year at playgroup, I loved the extra time with her, and she settled into school with no problems.
I don't know why we start them at school so young.

I get it - especially if you're a SAHM, who spends the majority of their time with their child at home. Is she your only child at home at present? That feels like it might make a difference.....

Anecdotally, I went to school a year early at 3yrs 8months (in Scotland in the 1980s!) as I was a precocious little beggar. I could read and write (counting was OK, but maths was a bit of a different issue!) and was reading at about 4-5 years above my actual age. My Dad was a school teacher, which might be a useful part of the background.
My sister was 4yrs 11months when she went (eldest child; I'm the middle) and achieved about the same. She's a medical doctor (consultant in plastic surgery), but I've got a 1st class honours, MSc with Distinction, and a PhD. What I'm saying is, when it really comes down to it, I'm not sure it makes a material difference.

My late August child is old enough we didn't have deferring as an option - they'd have had to rejoinn and miss a year of schooling.

They did struggled with school but caught up with a lot home support. First year they were exhausted and did take a few years for that to go - that was a few additional things as well adding to that.

So really wish we could have defered or they'd been just a few days later. I don't think they were ready really - they could have done another year in groups with me and pre-school they weren't fed up - one of my just summer kids did get a bit fed up before school but not that one.

It's worked out obviously they did well and had friends with only odd issue around them being so young in the year but it did feel very soon and very soon at 18 when they were off to uni.

If you’re talking about a June born dd I think she’ll be fine - I can’t see what month she is born from your posts but sorry if I’ve missed it.

August, I’d probably consider deferring depending on how you feel nearer the time.

Mind you, at the time I wanted to send my Oct born dd a year early! I can see it
wouldn’t have been a great idea now (she’s 17!) but at the time I thought she could have easily started just before she turned 4. I mean she technically could have - I’m sure more easily than many August borns, especially boys- but I can see the advantages of being Autumn born now.

I'm not sure it makes a material difference.

Across an entire cohort summer borns - or in different systems youngest in year - do worse in sports and exams but individually hard to pick that out for one child as obviously as a parent you try and put in extra support needed.

summer born kids will do better if they start school at 5, not just turned 4. the difference remains clear at 8 & 11. given the results in sats at 11 are now considered accurate predictors of gcse results it would be reasonable to say that generally speaking summer born kids never catch up, don’t reach their fullest potential if they start school at 4.

I started school at five and a half. I'm in Scotland. I just missed the previous year's intake by two days and in those days there was one intake a year. I was probably ready at four and a half but my brother wasn't. Both of us were born in Feb and he's ten years and two days younger than me so by the time he went he could go to school at four and a half on his birth date.

My brother started school at four and a half and he struggled - he caught up fine later on but he could have benefited from the extra year at home whereas I was ready at four and a half

I was an august kid and I was never ever behind, far from it in fact. I would see it as they’re learning and developing more being introduced to learning sooner. Reception is a lot of play time, they don’t usually start proper classroom leaning till year 1 anyway. My child loved reception, it wasn’t too dissimilar to nursery to her, once year 1 came she complained it wasn’t as much fun as reception 🤣
Throw them in there, they will be fine.

I 💯 agree
My son is winter born and have felt lucky that he has extra time with me.
But I'm taking it even further.
I'm thinking of home educating him until year 3.
Having studied the importance play for under 8s I just can't see myself sending my son to sschool early tbh
I would love to send him to a play environment for 2 hours a day until he's 7!

I never deferred my August born. He’s 5 now in year 1. We considered it but after discussion we learnt that in our council area they make you correct to the right academic year when starting secondary. And also when it comes to sport which my kids do a lot of and I had no doubt the youngest would be the same they had to play in the corrected ages group, it meant that he would be wouldn’t be teams with his classmates.

he hasn’t struggled in school but he does struggle with some of the physical stuff and you can see he is slightly less developed in certain areas. For explain he plays 5 a side football - there is 7 in the squad and the other are all already 6 and he is struggling to keep up with the jump in skills

I was an August child,my son was a July baby. Son had two friends born 31st August . They are all adults and functioning well. I can never remember being disadvantaged by my age!

My son is 3 in August. Starting nursery in October but he is on the autisum pathway so picking one has been eventful. I get you 100% as he is my final baby (i have 4 sons all together) i feel these 3yrs have gone by so quickly.

My son is a summer baby and while he didn't struggle academically, he was and is certainly socially behind. Working in schools you can always tell who is summer born for this reason! But if you think she will thrive and are just sad for yourself, remember school (especially ks1) can be a very fun and sweet chapter too. I always love seeing all the cute things mine makes or gets up to at school and he looks so adorable in uniform, plus there are school parties, picnics and events, the nativity play, Harvest and mother's day services. Recommend reading Starting School by Allan Ahlberg; it might cheer you up.

32 year old August baby here. Academically unaffected (I went to Cambridge for my first degree) but in hindsight I was very very young. I went to the aforementioned Cambridge at 18 and 3 weeks old. I loved it but I just wasn’t ready for that stage of my life yet and didn’t start enjoying myself properly until second year. I did my finals at 20 and started working a grad job before my 21st birthday. Wasn’t ready for that either. DD is a January baby but if she was August born too I’d definitely be considering deferring based on my own experiences

I get it. I wish we could pause time. They're only little for such a short period of time.

Im in ireland and both my kids started school at 5 and a half which is very normal here. I would personally prefer to wait.

Just 4 seems so young. Both my nephews in the UK started after just turning 4 in August and struggled.

My late August born friend struggled with the move to uni. She'd never really drank alcohol without her parents supervision, been to a nightclub etc. She wished she had taken a gap year.

My daughter turned 3 last October and won’t be going to nursery until this September. Most children her age would have started on January. A month later she turns 4. I’m only sending her for half days.

I don't “need” her to go but I do think she will love playing with other children. I’ve seen how much she has changed in these last 6 months and I know she is going to love it. But last summer all I could think about was my tiny baby (although she’s tall 😂) being apart from me. But once January came around, o actually thought she would have been happy to go then. I don’t regret not sending her though. I do a lot at home with her and she does socialise with other children, so she isn’t missing out on anything.

I would do what you feel is best for you and your child.

We tried to defer our eldest but hit barriers from the LA.
in our case our child really hasn't cooked with school. I feel being deferred for a year would likely have made a difference for the positive.
They just weren't ready at 4.

I was deferred and on the whole I feel this was positive as I had some additional needs and struggled with school work even being a year behind but less than I would have with my cohort. I did find this embarrassing for years and found discussion in my teens and 20s about school tricky. But even so I am grateful that I had a bit more time to learn

My husband and I were talking about school starting ages yesterday, in the context of talking about whether we will move back to the UK (realistically London) at some point. Son is an October baby so would have full advantage in English schooling, but I still feel that we start them way too young. Children need time to run around and play.

Here they have kindergarten which is very play, social skills, and art based. I don't think kids under 6 should be trapped at desks for hours.

OP if you have the means to sort childcare for another year, defer your daughter.

We moved over from New Zealand just before my August born daughter turned 5. She hadn't started school as it is from age 5 in NZ. So I deferred her here, meaning she started Reception in September having turned 5 in August, instead of going straight into year 1. . I'm so glad I did, she has handled it all well and thrived, whereas it's been hard for some of the 4 year olds. My son started school 2 months after turning 5 in NZ, which to me makes much more sense. I found the Facebook group about flexible admissions for summer born children so helpful