To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

We didn’t defer August born DD but we did treat reception as somewhat ‘optional’ as per PP - we took term time holidays, random days off etc, treated it very much like we had nursery. School weren’t overly keen but equally reception was 90% play based and she was (and still is) a brilliant reader so never behind on the small amount of learning even with a fairly low attendance figure. Tbh reception teachers seemed to spend most of their time dealing with kids who weren’t reliably potty trained, couldn’t put their own coat on, had never fed themselves, didn’t speak, could swipe a screen but had never held a book…

If that’s in England then a blanket policy is unlawful.

We tend to do more low key days out during the holidays, and then as she’s not compulsory school age, take the odd day off for bigger things e.g I took her for a day to the zoo/theme park one Friday (when DD2 was at nursery) - as she’s not compulsory school age, and it’s so playbased at her school in reception, that nobody has an issue.

They are not masses older but if they are over 13 they can't play on an under 13 team which the rest of their year group can. Not a huge issue for most but for some sporty kids it would be.

The other side of the argument with 6th form is, with a summer born in their correct cohort, if they can't decide what to do they can change courses after a year and still get two more years of college funded because they're still under 19.

Look for a school which does 'continuous provision' - it's a play based curriculum for year 1 and into year 2, so much less desk based learning and much more learning through experience. It's shown to have equal academic achievement but much better social/emotional outcomes. I completely agree that year 1 is too young to be sitting still for long periods.

You mention being compared to children who are 9+ months older - so roughly a May/June birthday? The flip side is that your child will be up to 15 months older than the youngest in their year, and may struggle with this. DD2's class is very summer born heavy (and also the brightest class they have had for years, so clearly summer born wasn't an issue academically in this group) . But there is 1 girl who was a deferred entry and over a year older than much of the class and has struggled to find her place socially with her class, she played mainly with year above.

That can’t be - Year 13s didn’t have the option of starting reception late. Back then if parents deferred they went straight into Y1.

If she’s summer born just defer. I can’t see any disadvantages. My dd has not long left school and it’s a massive pain being young in year in sixth form, some couldn’t even go out on last day of school year which was a big deal.

I’ve got a bright autumn born girl and being the oldest has been a massive advantage to her - she is streets ahead of her peers academically so would have been fine in the year above, but she’s not bored at all - she has had a full extra year of lovely playtime. Bright children do not get bored with play-based learning as they can extend themselves. Socially she is doing really well - has formed some really solid friendships and is such a happy child, skipping into school every day.

If I had a summer born child I would defer them without question.

From my experience, I sent dd way too young to school , she was only 4 and I was so sure she was academically well ahead and able for school , I never thought about emotionally . All her classmates were a good year older and too old for her to be honest. If I could do it again I’d wait until she was 5.

Sounds remarkably like the EYFS in the UK. Where children predominantly learn through play.

Children in the UK don't go into the more formal stage of learning until year 1, which is the year children will turn 6.

Theres this myth that the UK are awful and educating children horribly early.... We are actually pretty similar. Our EYFS is much like nordic countries preschool we just call it school.

I voted that you are not being unreasonable, as I can’t get over the crazy education system in England (not sure what happens in Scotland and Wales) that forces children to start school as soon as they turn 4. I’m not in England and thankfully our school system encourages children to be turning 5 or are already 5 when they start school.

I’m also a teacher and, having taught Junior Infants for many years, would never send my own children to school at barely 4 years of age. They are in school long enough and really benefit from being a little bit older starting school, in my experience.

My summer born boy started last September and I most definitely felt like you. But honestly, he’s settled in so well! I make the most of weekends and school holidays as much as possible (I’m lucky to work in a term time job) but genuinely glad we didn’t defer him. I said to myself that if needed, we.l could still keep him at home some days if he found it too much but he’s actually had 100% attendance and mostly loves it!

Things that we have done which I feel have helped:

We accepted he will be currently a bit behind in his phonics and don’t stress at parents evening when this is mentioned (he’s making progress so happy he is moving in the right directions)

We keep reading to him every day

At home we prioritise lots and lots of play and days out (over any formal ‘catching-up’ type work)

We have worked hard on his basic skills like turn taking, telling adults what he needs, talking to people, tidying up etc.

Im a bit nervous about him moving into y1 as at this school it is quite a formal y1 with limited play but hoping if we keep going with lots of play at home, he’ll be fine.

I was always the youngest in my class. I coped with the schoolwork ok but looking back i was over a year younger than some of my classmates, and socially, there is a big difference at that age between children a year apart. I think it affected me throughout school; I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends sometimes because my parents thought I was too young for the things they were doing, for example, so I missed out on friendship group activities. So always felt left out, and to be truthful, have always suffered with social anxiety that I think wasn't helped by being so much younger than everyone else. ..
And yes, I could have had a gap year, but they weren't common back then, but I was also the youngest of my contemporaries at uni, many had had much more life experience than I had, and I didn't realise until I was already there. My eldest was one of the youngest and had real problems being paired with children so much older; he most definitely was a lot more immature than some of the older classmates. My youngest, I did keep back for a term, and it was such a lovely term, for example, they learned to swim during that term because they could go to swimming lessons during the school day; we did a lot of preschool activities, sometimes with a friend of similar age, and we had lots of visits to interesting places and reading.

@Onwardsandupwards12 are you in the FB group 'Flexible School Admissions for Summerborns (England)' ? They are very helpful with advice about these things. (Assuming you are in England of course.)

OP - sorry to derail your thread!

It should be what is best for each individual child not because a parent has separation anxiety

Sure!
sports teams only allow 1/9/X to 31/8/X if you are competing against other schools, or in kind of schools competition. (Some do cheat at a local level but they shouldn’t do it).
so if your child is deferred august born and in year 7, he can only play in the year 8 team. This invariably means they don’t get in the team as they aren’t in PE lessons together and their skills training is a year below. It is absolutely right that the sporting bodies stick to this, it’s dangerous to play contact sport against older kids who are on average bigger and stronger. And to those who say ‘oh it’s only 2 weeks’ , that could go on forever couldn’t it ‘oh it’s only 1 more week than the 2 more weeks kid’ etc stc. There has to be a cut off and for sport the maximum age range is all within a year of each other.

I'm not a millionaire. It didn't cost thousands. We did preschool and wraparound care, just the same as if they were in reception.

This is a very valid point. You can’t go past 19yo on 31/08/x. Dd is in year 13 and there are 3 kids in her year who are actually year 14 - two of them were quite ill and I can’t remember the thirds reason. If those kids were already out of their intended year group, they wouldn’t have been allowed.
by deferring, you essentially have used their ‘spare’ year already.

reading this thread, there’s no way I would defer a kid who’s not behind. There may be benefits in primary, but not after that, and primary will be long forgotten by the child.

This doesn’t surprise me. My dd is summer born and would have hated this. But I am surprised you have year 13s, who deferred, as my dd is year 12 and deferring wasn’t legislated until some years after dd started school. However, as more children defer, it will be more normalised here, as in other countries. My dh is French and having to repeat a year or to go up a year if academically able is just what happens. However, I get that’s not a parental choice.

My dd just got someone else’s ID. Did none of them do that? So many kids are doing it and younger than her. Year 12s clubbing and going to raves. I didn’t allow her until year 13 btw.

Keep her at home with you 💓

Just turned 4 is really so teeny. I’m abroad and my Dd didn’t start formal learning until she was almost 7, she’s at the highest attainment level in everything and her reading age is almost 10-she’s 7

As the teacher above mentioned, sporting leagues and tournaments are definitely organised by age (under 10s, under 18s) etc instead of school year. This is for safety and fair competition.

Age categories also apply to things like chess tournaments and some academic competitions (essay writing/ art prizes).

Delaying the start to school may still be the right thing for some children but it’s good to be aware of the negatives as well as positives.

I’m in Australia. Last year of daycare for mine was preschool style learning and activities in the morning with qualified teachers and then a more relaxed daycare setting in the afternoon, all in the same centre/room.

My kids started school at 5 years, 3 months and 5 years, 5 months due to their birthdays. Some parents still hold their just turned 5 kids back to start at six but personally I think that’s a bit late. Mine couldn’t wait to go.

By comparison the English seem to start their kids very early. My nephew was four years, 2 months when he started!

There are 8 August born children out of 25 in my DS’s Reception class. There is one child who was born in July but deferred a year meaning they will turn 6 while a third of the class are still 4.

The older child looks totally out of place. Physically they look like they don’t belong in the class and as a result are nowhere near as well integrated with the other children as you would hope for.

Clearly the spread of birthdays in this class is far from typical however it is a risk you take with deferrals as you have no idea what the class will be like until it’s too late to change.

The parents of the older child now deeply regret their decision to defer and wish they had joined their normal year group instead.