To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

My son is an autumn birthday.

I agree with you, 4 is a lovely age. I really loved our last year together before he started school. He was almost 5 when he started and I wouldn't have missed that year for anything.

I miss him now he's at school everyday and I'm back at work. I wish we could have a day off together each week to go on one of our adventures!

Anyway, yes, depends on the child but I dont think there's anything wrong with having an extra year at home or starting school at 5.

Just to provide some balance, Y12 DS is end of August born. We didn’t defer, he’d been in nursery (for longer hours) from 12 months. He was more than ready to go to school and actually way ahead socially and emotionally than some of his peers who hadn’t been to nursery. We had no issues at all. Academically he got 8’s & 9’s at GCSE and on track for A* A A at A level. He competed (in the right age group, with his peers) in swimming, rugby, cross country & athletics and now competes at a national level in cross country and middle distance athletics.

It was an absolute joy to see him trotting out of school with his huge gaggle of mates, telling me all about what he’d learnt at school that day. They are FABULOUS when they start learning independently and develop all these new ideas and thoughts. We had some brilliant conversations on the walk home.

Just send her in the mornings for reception? You’re legal right to pick the hours until the term after her 5th birthday.

Might make working myself a bit difficult. And I wouldn’t want to disrupt her like that.

My daughter’s birthday is the very end of August and so she started in reception only a couple of days after turning 4. I felt like you do, particularly as she is my youngest child and I’d always cherished my day off a week doing fun things just us two. But I rationalised the sadness was for my “lost” time with her (she was due end-September and I had to have her early due to my illness in late pregnancy) and those feelings of guilt of bringing her into the world a bit early, I guess.

She’s absolutely flying at school (now in year 2) and it wouldn’t have been fair to hold her back a year so I could have had another year of her at home / nursery.

I think you’ve fairly realised this is a you problem - just cherish these 18 months before she starts school. Also you’ll still get lots of time quality together, even when she’s in full time school.

Are you a sahm? I have an August born 3 year old who will be starting school in September, and I feel like I'll see more of her compared to nursery! Looking forward to spending some one on one time in school holidays doing days out on the days her younger sister is at nursery.

No - I only work two days a week though. So I do spend a lot of time with her.

Honestly the summer holidays are so insanely long you’ll still get plenty of quality time!

Be aware OP, that whilst it is possible to defer, your DD will not necessarily be allowed to join the next reception class. She may have to start in Y1. This happened to children I worked with and I think that was even worse for the child.

On the other hand, if a female child is bright and capable, being a year ahead gives her an additional year in the workforce that can help address the pay gap that impacts so many women.

Why would you deferring a year cost thousands? Surely you'd continue to receive the funding? I love keeping mine at home with me for as long as possible. My Nov born four year old starts reception this September but won't be going full time until January. I'm pregnant with a baby due August and have already told the headteacher they won't be starting reception until they're five. They're in school their whole childhood. Those extra months I got to keep them home and take them on lovely days out was completely worth it.

I think the thread has gone a bit off course but fwiw OP I agree with you. My July born will start reception this year and I’m gutted. Feel that I’m going to miss out on the “extra” year I had with October born oldest DC. It wouldn’t benefit my youngest to defer, academically and socially they will be fine, but I’m definitely feeling really sad about it particularly now it’s Easter and there’s only one full term left before September…

It's very very child dependent, to be honest. You will have August babies starting school in September, coping just as well, as a child born in November. Equally some August babies will struggle to adapt. You know your child best, so therefore you need to make a decision based on your own child. Yes, there's research, and lots of opinions on both options, but no one can say what is best for your child, only you can.

I know what you’re saying but a) everywhere tends to be very busy and b) I have her plus her older brother, and while it’s getting a bit easier it’s still quite intense and not always enjoyable in the same way that one to one time is (I feel the same about one to one time with ds, it isn’t that I favour her.)

I deferred my son, he was a summer born (July) we're due to apply for secondary school this September and im having a nightmare trying to find a secondary school that will accept him. Admissions called me a few weeks ago asking that I contacts schools to see if we can apply and ive had his main choice say no.
The school also have the choice of putting him in year 8 straight away rather than year 7.

I dont regret holding him back because he was having health issues when he was due to start reception and he definitely would of struggled if he was in the year he was meant to be in. But now he can't go to secondary school with most of his friends and it's a bit of a nightmare.. I wasn't made aware of this when he was 4 though.

I don’t know that you do receive the funding actually, but in any case we will only get the fifteen hours when she’s three. So she’d either have to go to nursery more or I’d have to work less. Either way, expensive!

That’s a lot when it’s less than 1% nationally.

Gosh that sounds really stressful and quite pedantic for want of a better word of the secondary schools. Really hope you get it sorted, your poor ds.

Do your research and find the right school. I have mum friends whose reception age kids were given homework, and seem to spend a lot of time worrying about reading levels. It all seems way too structured. My kids school by contrast still has no homework in year 1, half the day is independent learning (I.e. play) and i barely know what she is doing reading level wise, but what i do know is she can now read fairly fluently, she is thriving and she is clever and confident.

Some of her classmates are far behind her because they are 10 months younger than her. But they are also thriving, they are given the attention they need, there is no pressure and they will learn at their pace and get to where they need to be when they are ready. I enjoy seeing and hearing about such a happy bunch of kids and I am so glad I did my research and found this amazing school.

2 DD August babies. I fretted unnecessarily. Very different personalities.
Both thrived and happily too!

University degrees

Independent travel (they saved)

fulltime jobs

amazing young women with no issues

The school and education authority would have to argue - as per a PP above, who explained to someone that rejoing cohort by Year 6 wasn't a thing anymore - that missing reception was in the child's best interests. It isn't, so although you might be told that first off, that wouldn't wash.

I’m gonna go against the grain. I wouldn’t defer your child. Mine is late July born and in her 20s. She’s fine, academically top cohort. When she started school they did a mid year intake which really annoyed her as she had to stay in nursery with the younger kids and was really bored. They then had to squish a whole year of school into 6 months! Her young cousin was deferred a year and now starting secondary. She looks and acts a lot older than her year group.

Can someone please explain the out of cohort sports issue to me like I'm tired, thick, and have the comprehension of a vitamin-deficient amoeba? Thank you.

Your preschool sounds like our reception and year 1, that's children 4-6 years. So even tho it's called school it's doing the same thing as your preschool. The only difference is children finish around 3pm so a shorter day and better for the children

I have a late August born and I know exactly what you mean, I’ve had people tell me I was so lucky that I missed out on an extra of nursery fees and I’ve wanted to slap them (i wouldn’t but I found it really upsetting that they reduce it to that) BUT DD has been fine, she is tall and bright and doing well, you wouldn’t know she was the youngest and I really don’t think it’s the problem now it used to be, she’s been to two primary schools and both have been supportive