To feel a bit like I’ve ‘lost’ a year with DD?

[scissorsinthekitchen]

I know it’s a bit silly but DD turns 3 this summer, and she’ll be starting school in September 2027.

I feel a bit bereft at the thought. Four is such a lovely age and I feel it’s going to be swallowed up a bit in reception.

I know deferral is a possibility but it isn’t without consequences further down the line and if I’m honest it’s for my benefit not hers. Unless there are clear reasons not to I guess I think she’s better in her school year, but the children I know her age all seem to be autumn / winter babies and so have that extra 9-12 months before starting school.

It’s that sports teams are eg U13, U14, U15 etc.

I don’t see why it would be a huge issue if you’re deferring an August born child - there’ll be children with birthdays just a couple of weeks after them in September. They’re not miles older than the whole year.

They know they can have a gap year, it’s more a sense of “if I hadn’t been deferred I’d be off now!”.

Is yours at nursery/pre school?

For what it's worth, mine is an August born and went in her 'correct' year and I feel like I get more time with her now! Examples -

School starts later - so we sit down and have a proper breakfast together in the morning before walking (or scootering in her case to school)

School finishes earlier so we have several hours in the evening that I make count - if the weathers nice we get out, make dinner together and do crafts/Colouring. The evenings feel like plenty of time for quality time rather than the dinner/bath/bed cram when she was finishing pre school at 5pm.

The holidays - there are so many! And we use them to spend quality time together rather than just pulling her out of nursery for something specific. I'm so looking forward to two weeks of her being at home over Easter.

It's definitely becoming more normalised to defer though- I know a couple who have. In my daughters class you can definitely tell the difference, particularly between autumn girls and summer boys.

Everyone always talks about deferring- I looked into it for my May baby and the council was not at all supportive. I know that it's supposed to be available but everyone looked at me like I was a weirdo and the schools I approached weren't on board - they do have to agree.
Instead I did delayed start - She went into school at the start of y1 and skipped reception.
She stayed at her nursery and her lovely teacher did a bit of extra phonics with her that year , that was all. She started not able to read or write when most of the others could but by Christmas she was up with them and doing fine. No issues and I didn't have to do battle with anyone to get it approved.

She still got the 15 hours free funding at nursery, no issues. Maybe it's different with the 30 hours but can't see why it would be? The nursery just gets the money instead of the school.

Yes exactly, some. Your example of smoking was ridiculous. I wouldn’t keep a child out of school to make myself feel better.

You can get the 30 free hrs. They run until the child starts reception, or until they reach compulsory school age (the term after they turn 5), so you can get it for a deferred child.

If it helps my autumn born child had outgrown both nursery and most pre-school activities by the March before she started school. I’d say it was a nightmare finding stuff to do with her but that was 2020 so lockdown solved the issue and I ended up teaching her to read as she was desperate to learn.

This is where I'm confused. You wish she was born a few weeks later, but surely you'd be still having to find the thousands extra in that case? You get the funded hours for the extra year.

I know if you work longer hours than the funding you'll have to pay the extra, but I'm guessing you're PT/SAHP as you otherwise wouldn't be spending much extra time with them. Equally, waiting the extra year might mean relating career development, which may be what you mean - but you'd be fine with that if she was born a month later???

I know a lot of parents that wished they had deferred, and no parents who deferred who wished they hadn't. In my kids reception class 10% had deferred, so it's not even that rare.

My DC are August born (girl) and October (boy) If DS had had to start school at the age DD was, he would have really struggled. As it was she was the last year (at their school, I dont know whether it was the same everywhere) where the younger ones in the class started in January rather than September, so had a few more months of nursery. Academically she was fine, and with things like fine motor skills but socially/emotionally it was more of a struggle.
Shes at uni now, and at secondary the biggest issue was not being able to go to the pub with her friends in 6th form

Tbh I dont think i knew about the option of deferring when DD started, I first heard a friend talk about it a few years later - maybe 2012/2013

If it’s at all possible - defer. I sent my daughter at 4 and it’s been one of my biggest regrets in all my years parenting. I think things would have been a lot easier for her if she’d had that extra year of social development and closer support she would have had at nursery. I have the option to defer my youngest and I’ll absolutely be doing so.

It’s more play-based isn’t it? I think it is now being discussed in our government because the research shows that play-based learning is more beneficial for younger years. I think it was raised in government a few weeks back due to a rather large petition. Instead we get ours to start sitting at desks too early and other countries that start 6+ are not behind us in terms of academia.

This sounds identical to reception (4-5) and even year 1 (5-6) at my daughters school. The afternoon is free play/discovery time - yes it's called 'school' but the curriculum doesn't have them sitting down at desks all day. At least not where we are. That's more year 2 and up.

Child dependent i think. For me I had a late July boy, a late september girl, and an early August girl. All did really well at school and in exams and their reading has always been well above their expected age from very young. Middle child was biting at the bit to start as she was almost 4. All enjoyed their time there. Youngest August baby wants to be a teacher. Did 6th form and now uni...the only one who has attended out of the 3. My husband was a 1st september baby. Im October. Deferring wasn't something that we thought about at all tbh. Just went with the flow as we thought all were ready mentally and physically and emotionally, as were we.

I would but it would be outside of my control then, wouldn’t it? It’s different to actively choosing it. Maybe that makes no sense but it does to me 🤷‍♀️

Thanks @Everydayimhuffling - I think you got what I’m saying. I’m not concerned about her academic progress or about her ability to settle; I’m sure she’ll be fine. I guess I just feel like I’d like a little more time with her as a little girl (as opposed to a toddler I suppose.)

She does attend nursery but only two days a week.

They don't legally need to be there till the term after they turn 5. So whilst schools don't like it (and I can understand why from a teachers perspective) you can send them part time until then. I did it with both of mine. Gave them days off when they were knackered, enjoyed random days off together just because. Basically eased them into full time and enjoyed more time together. Though as someone else has said school hours and all the holidays is nice too. My winter born needed it far more than my summer born. She didn't want to miss out and preferred to be in school. But having the flexibility worked for us, and cheaper than paying for an additional year's childcare if you did defer.

In Germany, kindergarten till just before school starts. No active learning at kindergarten, just play and a few projects (arts and crafts).

My summer born daughter is now in year 11 about to take her GCSE's, the only reason I'm glad I didn't defer her is that she's said to me she'd be absolutely raging if I'd held her back a year 🙈, as a summer born I'd have felt the same to be honest.

I understand what you mean. I have a summer born child who really is very bright for her age and I think she’d be bored in nursery for another year if I held her back, but I too feel I’m missing out on spending extra time with her.

Thinking about it, my other child I also could have deferred (June born), but I didn't consider it as she was bright and eager. She's in junior school now and they're are definitely things she's struggling more with, and some of the older girls don't like playing any more. I'm not saying I'd go back and defer her if I could, but what seemed like a no brainer when she was 4 isn't as clear cut at 9.

I feel exactly the same way, also have a summer born 3 year old. I don’t want him compared to children 9+ months older than him, that’s a massive gap at 4. He’s very bright but he’s so overloaded at the end of the day and isn’t really interested in drawing/phonics/using a pencil yet.

We have explored delayed/deferred entry but we live in an awkward place and I don’t want to risk him not getting in to a school that would accept deferred entry the following year as I don’t know where that would leave us.

Going to reassess once I know what school he’s been offered. I want the extra year too, I strongly believe 4/5 year olds should be playing and feel so sad that at just over 5 he’s going to be in year 1 and expected to sit down for most of the school day. That transition bothers me a lot more than starting reception.

I have an August born daughter who should be starting school in Sept and I’m deferring her. The statistics for August born children (both boys and girls) are really dire, all the way through their school life until they leave. Lower educational, social and sporting attainment.

I also, wanted that extra year with my daughter that other parents of non-summer born children get! Just turned 4 is too young to start school IMO.

And I’m not sure what negative consequences you mean?

Your preschool sounds a lot like P1 in Scotland. Nursery here did no numeracy or literacy work at all, it was just childcare with no formal educational element. P1 was very play based but with phonics and maths added on.

Even in Northern Ireland they are two months older than in Britain, as they start in Sept if they have turned four by 2 July.

I have heard that the youngest kids being less emotionally "able" in their first years, even though that difference does itself disappear, still leaves them with an enduring sense of being among the lowest performers - and that persists throughout school.

Have you considered a shorter week to give you more time together? My summer born dd did 4 days a week for all of reception year.

Often state provided preschool. So they do start school from 3 or even 2 sometimes. It's just in a different building to primary.

I work in a school and find reception to be utter chaos. What a bizarre idea to have the door constantly open to an outdoor area wotg freedom of movement for the children.
It's freezing, noisy and chaotic. Nursery preschools can be more structured than that!

I deferred my July girl and her June sister, now aged 11 and 8 respectively. No regrets at all - it's been a really smooth ride so far. I'd always recommend it to other parents if they have a child born within the qualifying time frame.