Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

[Grtscott]

Some threads I've read this morning have helped me to realise that my thinking about men has changed since joining MN. And not in a good way.

There's an undertone that men need to do things the woman's way, or it's wrong. That men should be grateful for any sex that women are willing to give in a long term relationship, even if that peters out to no sex at all.

Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done.

This thinking is observable to a greater or lesser extent across the boards.

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future.

I'm concerned that the general thinking about men on this website can't be good for society if this is the way women think, and are encouraged to think by others.

If women treat men this way collectively and have low expectations around them, no wonder the bar is getting lower.

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Nope

Yeah nah.

Next!

Good lord.

Men have ample opportunity to step up and be good people. If they choose to only post on here to find out how to get sex, or to avoid parenting their own kids, or to have a pop at women in general then that's on them.

What planet are you on op??? Cos it surely isn't earth 🌍

No.
But there's always Net Huns.

Clearly a different website to all of you!

No. More like a realistic attitude from experience.

Yes, but you'll be shouted down and either a) be called a man b) called a handmaiden or whatever the other terms are c) be called a mens right activitist

Or all 3 perhaps

I read this forum fairly agog at some of the casual sexual put downs for a man who by wont of normal human behaviour has forgotten something, got something wrong, misunderstood something or actually has been unsreasonable and it needs dealing with. The only option it seems is to suggest its over.

If you take pity on these guys go tell them in their numerous pity threads how sorry you are theat women want them to put some effort in.

I have found that I can't even discuss male violence- a serious problem- without having posters ask " Well what about the mothers of sons?".

I am the mother of a son. And?.

I agree with you. It’s so blatant I can’t see how anyone can miss it.

Strongly disagree with the original poster. !! So much work still to do for woman

I’m going to answer under the assumption that this is a genuine question…

If it’s making you reassess your partner then it’s probably needed. It’s quite an incel viewpoint to think that if a woman is questioning her partner it’s because she’s been brainwashed by mumsnet. It’s probably more likely the partner isn’t actually that great.

mumsnet has definitely made me open my eyes to the amount of abusive, unhealthy and unequal relationships that go on, and has made me appreciate my lovely DH more tbh.

You are right that there is a bias towards discussing bad behaviour because this is where women come to seek support and advice. There wouldn’t be much point in having a thread discussing the amazing qualities of everyone’s lovely DHs.

editting to add that there are some AIBU threads where innocuous things are pounced on. But you can tell the difference between a proper and considered response and knee jerk pouncing.

Such a weak, predictable response.

I think you're onto something @Grtscott but I think you're going to be shouted down easily on here because you've claimed MN as a site is feeding negative attitudes "in general" in society, which is a wild take.

I think on Mumsnet there is a big issue however with the fact people like to reinforce echo chambers or seize on an OP's situation to project how they'd like to behave in their own realities.

Therefore if a woman has a partner and doesn't feel like sex with her partner any more, the single divorced members of Mumsnet will en mass come on the thread to tell them that sex is overrated, that their partner is probably a misogynist and doesn't value them, that sex is something you do when you're young, etc.

If a woman has a DH who isn't helping enough with the "mental load" (ugh) , then the hordes of MN'ers who have experienced similar at one point in their lives, come in en mass to tell the OP that he is broken, useless and needs to leave the house.

Don't forget also @Grtscott that AIBU is an extreme area of Mumsnet where people love to goad and belittle OPs, using reverse psychology and strangely passive aggressive wording to try and get a reaction.

MN feeds unhealthy attitudes towards quite a few things, if you let it. You don't have to absorb things you don't want to though. Like any internet bubble, you can be drawn down rabbit holes by seeking out or joining particular threads that make it seem like everyone hates men, or nobody wants to care for elderly parents, or everyone thinks it's fine to never interact with neighbours or whatever. But they are sometimes good for presenting alternative viewpoints, you just have to step away when you're fed up with hearing it.

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future

Good for you. And the clue for improvement is doing, not watching.

What attitudes should you see? Unconditional forgiveness for forgetting normal things that calendars help with, like birthdays? Absolute deference to everything they say or want? Forcing yourself to have sex even when it’s painful or uncomfortable or pushed for non-stop? Eternal gratitude if the care for their own children for half an hour?

It's not men posts I'm referring to.

It's women.

There has always been a lot of man hating and double standards on here.

Therefore if a woman has a partner and doesn't feel like sex with her partner any more, the single divorced members of Mumsnet will en mass come on the thread to tell them that sex is overrated, that their partner is probably a misogynist and doesn't value them, that sex is something you do when you're young, etc

So only single and divorced posters have these attitudes?

MN is often truthful about the inadequacies of many men. Men are privileged in current society and many of them are lazy and entitled.

You have to remember that people rarely post about their good, helpful, kind, capable, loving blokes.

I agree with you, OP. Men were meant to behave and think like women here.

Every day I see a post- not necessarily about graphic abuse- but something like " My DP won't pay for X or Y while I am on maternity leave because he says it's his money". So much covert financial abuse disguised as my money and your money.

I totally agree! I haven't been on this forum for so many years - came back a few months ago and found it's not anything like what it used to be. So toxic and hypocritical.