Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

[Grtscott]

Some threads I've read this morning have helped me to realise that my thinking about men has changed since joining MN. And not in a good way.

There's an undertone that men need to do things the woman's way, or it's wrong. That men should be grateful for any sex that women are willing to give in a long term relationship, even if that peters out to no sex at all.

Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done.

This thinking is observable to a greater or lesser extent across the boards.

I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future.

I'm concerned that the general thinking about men on this website can't be good for society if this is the way women think, and are encouraged to think by others.

If women treat men this way collectively and have low expectations around them, no wonder the bar is getting lower.

Reading about the problems many Mumsnetters have with the men in their lives makes me more appreciative of the decent man I married, more determined to bring our sons up respectful and appreciative of women, and more determined to bring our daughters up with very high standards as to what they can expect from men.

When I have asked dh and our adult sons about the way some men fail to see women as equal human beings, and some of the disgusting ways men can behave, they are unsurprised. Dh and our sons know that men can be exactly as the OP describes. I didn’t have to tell them.

Look at the way men the world over behave, OP. You think women’s attitudes are the problem?

You say were, how are they expected to behave now?

It's a genuine question.

My partner is wonderful.

I've wrongly said things on occasion as I assumed the man child behaviour of him. My mistake.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER - sometimes they do, and often those men show up only to have suddenly changed and want to end the relationship because they met another woman.
the good bloke comments are there - on plenty of threads but people don’t need to ask for advice usually when life is going swimmingly.. and MN isn’t just a site to have a chat on as it’s primarily marketed as a parenting forum by parents for parents- with obviously plenty of deviations (feminism board, hobby boards, health related boards and so on).

All very good points.

AIBU is a crazy place at times.

I find the sex board users the most realistic and down to earth about both sexes.

Did MN make you do this?

An idea is not a AK47 to your head. Take some personal responsiblity.

LOLLLLLL

A lot of posters here think all men (general) are rubbish but that their own man is brilliant.

My husband would never cheat, go to a lap dancing club, phwar at the new hottie in the office etc.....

Well then, you could just avoid the Relationships threads?
My DH is being a very good parent just now. But I haven't posted about it. Why would I?

The bar is getting lower because women are discussing behaviours that they find unacceptable?

So, by that same logic.... the climate crisis continues because scientists keep talking about it?

Something doesn't seem to add up here.

I think it varies by thread. Half the time I'm gobsmacked by the appallingness of the man being described and how the OP has managed to stick with him for a week, never mind marry and have children. The other half, I'm gobsmacked by the hostility towards men who seem perfectly normal (or at least within the range of normal), like the thread the other day about a man who was in pain 24h after a vasectomy. Not much in the middle.

I hadn't even heard the term man child until MN.

If you read enough times how men can't take responsibility for simple things, of course it will have an impact.

Seriously, trying to make sense of @Grtscott 's OP is a trial. No logical consistency at all.

OP - you wrongly assumed “man child” behaviour from your wonderful partner… because of a website?
That’s a bit odd. I don’t relate to the majority i
of lives or comments on MN because, for instance parenting my child has to be different owing to how she is, so conversation about bullying or school fees or parties or reciprocity of gift-giving fly over my head. It doesn’t make me think about my child in other people’s terms..
How come you were so influenced by other people’s lives that you started speaking wrongly to your partner?

I dunno. I see an awful lot of men telling women how they expect them to behave on sites like Instagram (I don’t use any other social media, but I guess it is the same on TikTok, etc). Men trying to dial back our rights, commenting on our bodies, saying women have never invented or achieved anything of worth, threatening to harm us when they are challenged and so on. Many men have always hated us and now they have a platform to sprout that hatred. We also have these platforms where we can challenge them, including mumsnet, which is why it probably seems like everyone has a low opinion of men on here.

I have a low opinion of men because of how they have treated me over the years - that doesn’t mean that all men are shit, but I have had enough shit experiences for me to be wary of all (and I often think that very young women have not reached that point yet - it comes to most of us eventually). My dh tries hard, but I’ve had to point things out to him over the years - most men are brought up with certain views about women (either subliminally or overtly) and these are then fortified by peers as they become teens/adults - they have to actively work against this in order to be decent. Many don’t bother.

It’s right that we challenge poor behaviour, even if ‘the good ones’ feel victimised by it. If they are really good they should be calling other men out for it too, but they often don’t see their own privilege.

I can't recall anyone saying men can't take responsibility, only that, in a host of year on year examples, they don't.

Man Child? Try Neneh Cherry. 1989.

If we dont think that OP is right or that there is a huge influence from a website (could be anything) which may colour someones experience of something,, why are we so concerned about incel forums and the such like?

Surely men (as an example) are not being influenced by those, surely a website doesnt do that. Surely listening to the likes of Andrew Tate doesnt do that?

Even there though

"He's being a very good parent JUST NOW"

A - you're judging his parenting by your standards

B - you're implying this is a short season and he's shit outside of it

"I love watching my partner parent our children" treats him as an equal rather than assessing him by your standards.

But if people do comment positively about their male partners it’s often dismissed as “not my Nigel”.

Never seen this. Ever.

The misandry on here goes largely unchecked. Posters would have you believe that everything wrong in families and relationships is because of mens behaviour. But back in reality I see shitty behaviour and problems caused by both sexes.

Man child are the only lyrics I can tell you from that song. Dunno what she's saying in the rest of it 🤣

Great tune though!

It was literally on a thread I was reading the other day. Which predictably I cant remember what it was.

Feminists have always been characterised as man-haters. Same old same old.

My goodness, the reaching you are doing.
Anyway if you are happy, MN shouldn't affect you that much.