Page 22 | Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

Grtscott · 2026-04-01T08:07:21+00:00

Some threads I've read this morning have helped me to realise that my thinking about men has changed since joining MN. And not in a good way. There's an undertone that men need to do things the woman's way, or it's wrong. That men should be grateful for any sex that women are willing to give in a long term relationship, even if that peters out to no sex at all. Men are seen to be babies who can't do anything for themselves, and need to have someone pre plan and organise their lives, but god forbid they fall into the pattern of behaviour of expecting their female partner to do these things for them, as that's what they've always done. This thinking is observable to a greater or lesser extent across the boards. I've also recognised where this thinking has affected the way I think about my wonderful man, and sometimes in things I've said to him or actions towards him. I need to watch this in future. I'm concerned that the general thinking about men on this website can't be good for society if this is the way women think, and are encouraged to think by others. If women treat men this way collectively and have low expectations around them, no wonder the bar is getting lower.

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/04/2026 22:05

Dontlletmedownbruce · 01/04/2026 23:49

You do realise we don't know if you are a man either..

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You are right. I could be a man. You could be a man. The OP could be a man. No one knows.😱

We do know that many posters who present as women on internet sex chat are men. Het men, bi men, gay men, tall men, short men, men who want to be women. Internet sex stuff is full of men pretending to be women.🤷‍♀️

5128gap · 02/04/2026 23:02

ThisTicklishFatball · 02/04/2026 21:43

After giving it more thought, in simple terms, it feels like women here are at odds with each other-one group against another-fueling constant online hostility with no end in sight. Women who work outside the home strongly dislike mothers who work from home, while working moms look down on women who don’t work at all. Women under 40 clash with those over 50, and the same cycle plays out over other issues. In online spaces, women don’t seem to treat each other any better than they treat men when making comparisons.

Going back to the topic of mothers here having negative feelings toward men, I can’t help but wonder about their sons, if they have any. Are these boys treated well? Are their mothers encouraging them to be more like girls? Are they raising and educating them in a way that lets them grow into the people their mothers truly want them to be?

It isn't possible to raise a son to be 'like a girl'. There isn't any such thing as 'like a girl'. There are male sex people and female sex people. And it's not possible for mothers or anyone else to turn one into the other, no matter how many sex based stereotypes are adopted.
If you mean are there mothers out here who are raising their sons not to display the types of behaviour that leads so many women to conclude there can be a problem with male patterned behaviour; and are encouraging in them the sorts of traits that are associated stereotypically with girls, such as being involved parents, pulling their wright domestically, caring for people, then yes. I raised two like that.
But they are men so can never be 'like girls', whatever that means to you.

TooBigForMyBoots · 03/04/2026 02:45

ThisTicklishFatball · 02/04/2026 21:43

After giving it more thought, in simple terms, it feels like women here are at odds with each other-one group against another-fueling constant online hostility with no end in sight. Women who work outside the home strongly dislike mothers who work from home, while working moms look down on women who don’t work at all. Women under 40 clash with those over 50, and the same cycle plays out over other issues. In online spaces, women don’t seem to treat each other any better than they treat men when making comparisons.

Going back to the topic of mothers here having negative feelings toward men, I can’t help but wonder about their sons, if they have any. Are these boys treated well? Are their mothers encouraging them to be more like girls? Are they raising and educating them in a way that lets them grow into the people their mothers truly want them to be?

You think Mumsnet posters hate men, women and their own children?🤯

I think you need to give it a bit more thought.🤨

Carla786 · 03/04/2026 03:02

ThisTicklishFatball · 02/04/2026 21:26

After over a decade and multiple username changes on Mumsnet, it’s apparent that the community includes countless women, mothers, and others who seem to hold negative feelings toward men, including their partners, husbands, sons, and other male relatives or friends.

To make matters worse, there’s a strong and influential anti–stay-at-home mothers movement on the site that shares its views widely.

Another observation is the noticeable ageism toward women over 50.

In short, there are certain groups of people that are clearly disliked.

Ageism? A lot of MN posters ARE over 50, I assume.

Carla786 · 03/04/2026 03:04

5128gap · 01/04/2026 15:09

I think the idea is that we are attracted to tall, outgoing, confident men because the patriarchal society has convinced us that men should be strong leaders, and women weak and fragile and in need of protection, and that these ideas are to our detriment because they keep us in a subordinate position.
However, my view is that the only people who really suffer from this particular manifestation of patriarchy are men who don't fit the masculine ideal, and I'm not overly concerned about that in all honesty.
Partly because the impact is exaggerated. Short men do get dates, they just maybe have a smaller dating pool than tall ones, and can't get any woman they want.
Partly because I think its a bit of a cheek to set up a society in a way that benefits some men then ask women to make sure that the men it doesn't benefit don't lose out.

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Do you think it's possible women are often more attracted to tall men because of evolutionary reasons? I hate it when people explain everything with evopsych but it probably plays some role

Carla786 · 03/04/2026 05:40

GlovedhandsCecilia · 02/04/2026 08:47

Because this site is mostly white people and this type of attitude towards men seems pervasive in middle classed white women. As a Black woman, I don't hear this spoken about like that in Black households. Either women are happier with how labour is divided, however it is divided, and/or the men do more. From my experience, the men do more than what is being described in these threads for certain.

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Black men do more housework/childcare? I wonder if there's been any studies? The Guardian has a piece, for one.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/feb/06/black-men-best-britain-sharing-housework

Why might this be, I wonder?

RunningOnEmptyish · 03/04/2026 05:51

Is MN feeding unhealthy attitudes towards men?

Nah, men are responsible for that.

5128gap · 03/04/2026 07:35

Carla786 · 03/04/2026 03:04

Do you think it's possible women are often more attracted to tall men because of evolutionary reasons? I hate it when people explain everything with evopsych but it probably plays some role

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That's the ongoing debate between the biological imperativists, the psychologists and the sociologists I guess. And no one knows for sure, we simply weigh up different evidence abd go wirh the theory that makes most sense to us. I think there is truth in that, yes.
However, we are a sophisticated species who overrides our basic biology so much in so many ways due to our ability to reason and rationalise, that I think we can't state that as an absolute. Plus I'm not convinced that height would necessarily be the primative biological advantage. Over speed, agility, the capacity to exist on fewer resources for example. Which makes me lean towards an attraction to height in men being based somewhat in the biological urge for the mate with the best genes, but heavily influenced by what our society has taught us this looks like in a man.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 03/04/2026 07:37

Carla786 · 03/04/2026 05:40

Black men do more housework/childcare? I wonder if there's been any studies? The Guardian has a piece, for one.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/feb/06/black-men-best-britain-sharing-housework

Why might this be, I wonder?

Edited

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Because Black men are raised to contribute in the home and things like looking after siblings and daily bathing are normalised. That's why you won't have to be reminding a Black man to shower often enough or how to wash a plate. I've said over and over again that this is cultural.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNRXJrnxa/

TikTok - Make Your Day

https://www.tiktok.com/@whoisadiv/video/7403531313820486943?_r=1&_t=ZN-95DuqP5QqKE

Screamingabdabz · 03/04/2026 08:05

1457bloom · 02/04/2026 08:04

I agree that MN perpetuates group hate towards men. If it was a men’s site it would have been shut down by now.

And yet here you are…

Bolonese · 03/04/2026 10:02

Sorry I'm loving the brief detour we have taken into black culture around division of household tasks and hygiene. This is actually the best of MN. Learning new stuff! Give those helpful, sweet smelling kings a hug.

southcoastsammy · 03/04/2026 10:25

Men are solely responsible for growing negative attitudes towards men. Women standing up for themselves, calling it out, or advising other women who need help is hurting men. Not the decent ones anyway.

Mengo · 03/04/2026 11:00

ThisTicklishFatball · 02/04/2026 21:43

After giving it more thought, in simple terms, it feels like women here are at odds with each other-one group against another-fueling constant online hostility with no end in sight. Women who work outside the home strongly dislike mothers who work from home, while working moms look down on women who don’t work at all. Women under 40 clash with those over 50, and the same cycle plays out over other issues. In online spaces, women don’t seem to treat each other any better than they treat men when making comparisons.

Going back to the topic of mothers here having negative feelings toward men, I can’t help but wonder about their sons, if they have any. Are these boys treated well? Are their mothers encouraging them to be more like girls? Are they raising and educating them in a way that lets them grow into the people their mothers truly want them to be?

Living in a patriarchal system (and I mean one that repeatedly pushes women and girls down despite equal pay laws and the EA) creates this division though.

Too many women uphold embarrassingly low standards for men, individually and collectively in a way that harms themselves and their children.

Can you imagine a world where women hold each other up no matter what, like men do for each other?