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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my partner has not visited after surgery?

222 replies

NiftyRoseDreamer · 31/03/2026 16:27

So I, 23F have been with my bf 26M for almost 3 years now. I had a pretty big knee surgery 6 days ago, which requires me to not be able to walk for 6 weeks and is very painful. I am yet to have a visit from my partner and no plans to visit me anytime soon. For context, he lives an hour away and is sharing a car with his dad atm. There is also a train that runs directly from his house to mine that also takes one hour (costs $0.50 each way). He currently works from home 2 hours a day, so work is not an issue and he practically does nothing else all day long. Now if it were the other way around I know for sure I would be there for him the night after his surgery to be there physically to help carry things and make food etc, also emotionally to comfort him as it’s hard recovering from surgery. I don’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 but a one hour visit to show he cares would’ve meant a lot especially since I can’t leave my room for 6 weeks. Now the bigger problem arose when I brought it up that I felt disappointed from the lack of support. He said “you had a 2 hour foot surgery it isn’t that serious” also said “i’m in more pain than you” because he lost $400 that day trading, also “there’s people in a war right now” “stop sooking” “just take more pain killers” just to list a few things. I know that there are people going through worse things than me currently. But this feeling of lack of support is really getting to me. Things are really good between us when we are together in person. AIBU to be so upset by this? I’m worried if i ask family members for advice they might dislike him for this.

OP posts:
MissCooCooMcgoo · 31/03/2026 16:30

Aaaaaaaaand dump.

Life is too short for this my love

He's treating you like shit.

Dump his arse hard.

SoScarletItWas · 31/03/2026 16:31

What an uncaring, unkind, immature twat he is.

1990sMum · 31/03/2026 16:32

Hes showing you how little he cares, listen to him.

Wishing you a speedy recovery. 💐

corlan · 31/03/2026 16:34

You deserve better than that. He's shown you he doesn't much give a toss about you. Time to get rid and find someone better.

QwestSprout · 31/03/2026 16:34

Well he's not much of a 'partner' is he? His actions and words suggest he doesn't really like you very much. People do more than he has for a neighbour or an acquaintance.

Iocanepowder · 31/03/2026 16:35

In case you were thinking about it in the future, absolutely DO NOT have children with this man. He won’t support you.

DragonsAndDaffs · 31/03/2026 16:37

He is showing you who he really is......someone you can't rely on!

You need to do some deep thinking about your relationship. Don't settle for this.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/03/2026 16:37

He doesn’t love you. Or else would have been round to visit /help you

GoBackToBooks · 31/03/2026 16:39

@NiftyRoseDreamer oh dear! You’ve managed to get yourself a self-centred ahole! Time to leave him in his own bubble and get back on the dating scene. Good luck!

Nimblethimble · 31/03/2026 16:39

Also came on to say do not, under any circumstances, have kids with him.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/03/2026 16:40

You want a partner who will be there for you "in sickness and in health" - he ain't it so dump him!

Notsosweetcaroline · 31/03/2026 16:40

I think the worst part is you had knee surgery and rhe man thinks it wa foot surgery. What a twat.

hes selfish and doesn’t want to make the journey. But I guess you already knew he was selfish.

Wishimaywishimight · 31/03/2026 16:41

Just curious as to what "sooking" means - presumably "sulking"?

PizzaPowder · 31/03/2026 16:42

You deserve better. Bin him.

MyLimeGuide · 31/03/2026 16:43

He sounds like a loser. Why does he only work 2 days a week?

InterestedDad37 · 31/03/2026 16:43

Wishimaywishimight · 31/03/2026 16:41

Just curious as to what "sooking" means - presumably "sulking"?

Aus/NZ for being a wuss 😀

Firefly100 · 31/03/2026 16:44

Hmm, imagine having children with him. What do you think the chances are that he would be an equal partner and pull his weight? I would see no future with this man personally.

fouroclockrock · 31/03/2026 16:44

He wont improve. Get rid of him.

jeaux90 · 31/03/2026 16:45

Nope. Hard no. Dump.

Mydogisagentleman · 31/03/2026 16:46

Day trading was something my dds ex of did.
He was part of the manosphere.
Run

Mydogisagentleman · 31/03/2026 16:46

Day trading was something my dds ex bf did.
He was part of the manosphere.
Run

ShodAndShadySenators · 31/03/2026 16:46

So there's literally nothing stopping him from visiting you. Not work, not lack of transport, not lack of funds. He just can't be bothered.

It's irrelevant what's going on elsewhere in the world, no matter how bleak it is to contemplate it doesn't stop you seeing friends, supporting relatives, doing things for others.

Now you know how little he cares and how low a priority you are to him, what are you going to do about it? I know I would be dumping his sorry arse. You're worth more than that.

Kingdomofsleep · 31/03/2026 16:47

Also chiming in to say do not have kids with him.

I, and several other mums I know, were badly ill after the birth and my dh basically had to be my carer for a while as well as look after the newborn. You'd be totally on your own with this guy

EscapeTheCastle · 31/03/2026 16:47

Dump him. Dump him now. Enjoy doing it as well.

Abd80 · 31/03/2026 16:48

He is showing you his true self. Believe him.
selfish, entitled, lazy and sounds like he doesn’t even like you that much.
I would 100% not waste any more of my time with this one