AIBU to be upset my partner has not visited after surgery?

[NiftyRoseDreamer]

So I, 23F have been with my bf 26M for almost 3 years now. I had a pretty big knee surgery 6 days ago, which requires me to not be able to walk for 6 weeks and is very painful. I am yet to have a visit from my partner and no plans to visit me anytime soon. For context, he lives an hour away and is sharing a car with his dad atm. There is also a train that runs directly from his house to mine that also takes one hour (costs $0.50 each way). He currently works from home 2 hours a day, so work is not an issue and he practically does nothing else all day long. Now if it were the other way around I know for sure I would be there for him the night after his surgery to be there physically to help carry things and make food etc, also emotionally to comfort him as it’s hard recovering from surgery. I don’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 but a one hour visit to show he cares would’ve meant a lot especially since I can’t leave my room for 6 weeks. Now the bigger problem arose when I brought it up that I felt disappointed from the lack of support. He said “you had a 2 hour foot surgery it isn’t that serious” also said “i’m in more pain than you” because he lost $400 that day trading, also “there’s people in a war right now” “stop sooking” “just take more pain killers” just to list a few things. I know that there are people going through worse things than me currently. But this feeling of lack of support is really getting to me. Things are really good between us when we are together in person. AIBU to be so upset by this? I’m worried if i ask family members for advice they might dislike him for this.

why are you trying to police me? stop following this thread if it bothers you. Sorry if it took 2 days to respond to messages kind of been going through some things … it’s a lot to have to come to terms with. I’ve already stated i’m not a sick troll just someone who’s reached out for advice and appreciate everyone’s input

Your boyfriend sounds like a horrible person and I'm sorry things have turned out like this.
I hope you're not in too much pain from your surgery.

He is showing you… in fact he’s practically yelling it… that he is there for good times but can not be relied on for the hard times!

So if you’re ever in need of support his attitude will always be ‘there’s people suffering more so suck it up!’

6 days is a long time… and he could have stayed at yours to help out and he could have done his 2 hours of work from your house!

If it were me I’d packed a suitcase and moved in with you for a week to help you with cooking etc or even just to keep you company!

He is horrible - dump him

Called abusive? By who??

If your partner is calling you abusive please
get
rid of him! Look up what gaslighting is!!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

He’s not acting like a partner right now, he’s acting like a liability. If the situation were reversed, would he really accept you not showing up at all? Or would he expect you to be there, helping and supporting him? That double standard says a lot.

You’ve just had surgery, you’re in pain, and you can’t even move around properly, this is exactly when a caring partner shows up, even in small ways. The fact that he hasn’t, and then dismissed your feelings when you brought it up, is the bigger issue.

It’s worth thinking about what this would look like long-term. If something bigger happened, like having a child, would he step up, or would you be left carrying everything alone? Because right now, he’s showing you the level of care and effort he’s willing to give.

You’re only 23, and you deserve someone who is supportive, empathetic, and actually wants to be there for you. This doesn’t sound like that. Don’t ignore what this is showing you, you can do better than someone who makes you feel like you’re asking for too much just to be cared for.

He's using you. Use this time of rest to get over this dead weight.

He sounds a horribly abusive gaslighting twat I'm afraid, like many previous posters have said, I think you need to get ride for your own sanity. You deserve better

If he can’t step up when you need him most then you’re better off without him.

Don't be angry, be pleased that he showed you, who he really is before you did something silly like move in together or get married. Run girl.

You are lucky you’ve had this operation so you don’t waste anymore time on this selfish loser. You are worth more than this! 🧡

From what you've written, it sounds like you've found this little 'catch' from an online gaming platform. He sounds very immature and uncaring. I'd take this as a clear sign of what's to come and get out now if I were you.

You’re young - start being very harsh with your time when it comes to men. If they aren’t treating you how you want, if you’re questioning your sanity or feelings over them at any point - then just get rid. You will find one that cares about you and treats you right - but you won’t find them while you’re wasting time with one that does not.

Don’t waste another minute of your life on this guy. Can you imagine what he would be like if you had kids.

Good luck with recovery from surgery, and good luck with moving from this self-absorbed arsehole.

My first LTB....

I had "minor" surgery on my cervix... my husband came with me, sat outside, came in when I called, sat and held my hand, helped me home and did everything for me...

Same before we were married and I had a lumber puncture...

Is his view the same on giving birth? Having a ceaseran?

Find someone better, you have plenty of years ahead...

And dont let him blind you with affection when he realises what a complete douche he is.

I hope you heal quickly, but rest, as much as you have been told and more. Dont be tempted to start doing stuff cause you feel better, you will heal faster if you rest...

From a poster that recently had a partner non weight bearing for 6 weeks

My X being mean to me when I was ill was the last straw. As soon as I got my voice back I dumped him.

sorry you P is like this. Consider it telling

Someone who is actually your partner one day won’t behave like this. That man isn’t your partner, he’s a wrong step you took early in your twenties.

Haha. I knew that as soon as you mentioned our 50c fares!!

It's actually a good thing that this happened. You've had a preview of what life with him would be like. You now know that when you need him he won't be there and that defensiveness is his go-to response. That's a valuable lesson to learn.

My very new boyfriend drove me in for surgery, picked me up and then took the rest of the day off to look after me. Yes, I married him. I am so sorry your partner has been such a disappointment. Yes, your family would probably dislike him if you told them but that's because he's very unlikeable.

He sounds like a complete waste of space. He’s 26, shares a car with his dad and only works two hours a day. What a catch. Throw him back where he came from @NiftyRoseDreamer as quickly as possible and concentrate on your recovery.

Consider it lucky that he has shown you just how caring he is before you are in too deep. If you were ever to have children with this guy he would develop hyperemesis, have the worst birth experience ever, need to rest for the first six weeks and still only works two hours a day. If he wasn’t too exhausted of course.

Dump him now.

Why haven’t you dumped him yet??