Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my partner has not visited after surgery?

222 replies

NiftyRoseDreamer · 31/03/2026 16:27

So I, 23F have been with my bf 26M for almost 3 years now. I had a pretty big knee surgery 6 days ago, which requires me to not be able to walk for 6 weeks and is very painful. I am yet to have a visit from my partner and no plans to visit me anytime soon. For context, he lives an hour away and is sharing a car with his dad atm. There is also a train that runs directly from his house to mine that also takes one hour (costs $0.50 each way). He currently works from home 2 hours a day, so work is not an issue and he practically does nothing else all day long. Now if it were the other way around I know for sure I would be there for him the night after his surgery to be there physically to help carry things and make food etc, also emotionally to comfort him as it’s hard recovering from surgery. I don’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 but a one hour visit to show he cares would’ve meant a lot especially since I can’t leave my room for 6 weeks. Now the bigger problem arose when I brought it up that I felt disappointed from the lack of support. He said “you had a 2 hour foot surgery it isn’t that serious” also said “i’m in more pain than you” because he lost $400 that day trading, also “there’s people in a war right now” “stop sooking” “just take more pain killers” just to list a few things. I know that there are people going through worse things than me currently. But this feeling of lack of support is really getting to me. Things are really good between us when we are together in person. AIBU to be so upset by this? I’m worried if i ask family members for advice they might dislike him for this.

OP posts:
Zoec1975 · 02/04/2026 00:16

NiftyRoseDreamer · 31/03/2026 16:27

So I, 23F have been with my bf 26M for almost 3 years now. I had a pretty big knee surgery 6 days ago, which requires me to not be able to walk for 6 weeks and is very painful. I am yet to have a visit from my partner and no plans to visit me anytime soon. For context, he lives an hour away and is sharing a car with his dad atm. There is also a train that runs directly from his house to mine that also takes one hour (costs $0.50 each way). He currently works from home 2 hours a day, so work is not an issue and he practically does nothing else all day long. Now if it were the other way around I know for sure I would be there for him the night after his surgery to be there physically to help carry things and make food etc, also emotionally to comfort him as it’s hard recovering from surgery. I don’t expect him to be there for me 24/7 but a one hour visit to show he cares would’ve meant a lot especially since I can’t leave my room for 6 weeks. Now the bigger problem arose when I brought it up that I felt disappointed from the lack of support. He said “you had a 2 hour foot surgery it isn’t that serious” also said “i’m in more pain than you” because he lost $400 that day trading, also “there’s people in a war right now” “stop sooking” “just take more pain killers” just to list a few things. I know that there are people going through worse things than me currently. But this feeling of lack of support is really getting to me. Things are really good between us when we are together in person. AIBU to be so upset by this? I’m worried if i ask family members for advice they might dislike him for this.

He has shown his care for you.there is none.

toottoot3 · 02/04/2026 00:45

Ooooohhhh imagine getting really sick, like long term ill. You would not see him, he doesn't care. That is an actual fact, he is literally showing you that right now, I suppose you have to decide if you would want to be with someone who acts like that? You know it's one sided cause you said you would never..if kids were a possibility, you can get sick from pregnancy, kids can be born with lifelong issues needing care. He will not care.
You may imagine, he will suddenly change and care, cause you want him too.
He does not care.
Doesn't mean he's not funny, or fancies you or puts out the bins but when you need support, are low, need help with the hard stuff. He's not going to be there.
I hope your knee gets better soon. (I read your post once, I know it's not your foot, you have been going together 3 years!)

ilikemethewayiam · 02/04/2026 00:54

What a vile narcissistic man. Dump, dump, dump!

Chilly80 · 02/04/2026 08:17

Dump his ass immediately

EmeraldDreams73 · 02/04/2026 08:22

Yeah he's a prick. Get rid. Do NOT have kids with him. I bet anything that if the situation was reversed he'd have all sorts of expectations about you should be looking after him.

Sorry, OP. The test of a partner/personality is not when things are good and just pootling along happily. It's when someone else needs support or when things aren't just about you. I'd say he's failed spectacularly. It's easy to be nice when you haven't had to make an effort. Hope you're back on your feet soon. 💐

Chicaontour · 02/04/2026 08:28

I am sorry that you are in such pain. Hes not your partner, he is an absolute wanker who is treating you like shit. He has shown his true colours. Dump and block him, he is a nasty piece of work . You are worth a lot more. Everyone is

MumLegalAdvice · 02/04/2026 08:41

If you’re hiding this behaviour from your family because they won’t like him then he’s the problem! He deserves to be not liked! And you deserve to hear that from them and to be cared for better than this.

Latebloomer121 · 02/04/2026 09:07

MyLimeGuide · 31/03/2026 16:49

I mean 2 hrs a day!! That's even worse!!

God, you women aren't happy unless a man is working 24/7, are you?

askmenow · 02/04/2026 09:29

When he tells you who he is, believe him!

A self absorbed narcissist with zero empathy. That could be your future.

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 09:31

Latebloomer121 · 02/04/2026 09:07

God, you women aren't happy unless a man is working 24/7, are you?

And that’s really what you got from this thread?

ChaToilLeam · 02/04/2026 09:36

Dump this twit, he doesn't care a jot for you.

And stop hiding his shittiness from your family, they would be absolutely right in disliking him.

Parsleyforme · 02/04/2026 10:12

I’m sorry but he sounds horrible. Using the war as an excuse to give you no sympathy for having surgery (which is a big deal no matter what it’s for or how long it took) really speaks volumes about his personality. Saying he is in more pain because he gambled hundreds away, well that just shows his selfishness and that he puts money before anything else doesn’t it?

I very briefly dated someone like this - zero empathy, money was his whole life but he just gambled it away - and carrying on longer than a few months would’ve broken my self esteem. You need to pick the bar up off the floor, find a bit of anger within yourself because you know you deserve better, and cut this dead weight loose

BillieWiper · 02/04/2026 10:18

What's Sooking? Sulking? He sounds like a dickhead. You should chuck him. He's clearly a bum loser anyway if he gambles away £400 in one day and expects sympathy for it from someone who's just had surgery.

FrostyPalms · 02/04/2026 14:50

7698mom · 01/04/2026 20:04

I’d dump him while in the hospital by text, he doesn’t deserve anything more

She's not in the hospital!

OrangeCrushes · 02/04/2026 14:52

Please leave him

Enrichetta · 02/04/2026 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BudgetBuster · 02/04/2026 16:09

Ugh that's 3years of your life you'll never get back. I wouldn't waste one more minute on this prick.

NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:12

NorthernJim · 01/04/2026 21:50

Are you sure they told you not to walk for 6 weeks?

i’m sure - fully non weight bearing

OP posts:
NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:12

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/04/2026 20:39

That’s what I thought what country is this!

qld australia !

OP posts:
Nosejobnelly · 02/04/2026 16:14

Get rid. You’re only 23 - he sounds like a complete waste of space to me. Of course he should visit you, it’s just excuses.
imho you see people’s true colours when these sort of things happen.

NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I have responded to many and appreciated everyone’s input. This is obviously something that i’m finding hard to come to grips with. That’s quite rude i’m not a troll just someone who’s been struggling mentally as you can tell i’m going through a hard time!

OP posts:
Diamondsareforever72 · 02/04/2026 16:17

He’s a cunt.
And you can tell him that from me.

NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:17

Latebloomer121 · 02/04/2026 09:07

God, you women aren't happy unless a man is working 24/7, are you?

sorry women aren’t happy if their partner works 2 hours a day and can’t fit in an hour visit within a week of a big surgery? gosh

OP posts:
NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:18

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 09:31

And that’s really what you got from this thread?

Edited

men.

OP posts:
NiftyRoseDreamer · 02/04/2026 16:20

BillieWiper · 02/04/2026 10:18

What's Sooking? Sulking? He sounds like a dickhead. You should chuck him. He's clearly a bum loser anyway if he gambles away £400 in one day and expects sympathy for it from someone who's just had surgery.

haha sorry australian term for sulking. Also was $400 australian aka £240

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread